Guilt Is A Slippery Slope
by Fifilla
Summary: Guilt (noun) \ˈgilt\ A cognitive or an emotional experience that occurs when a person realizes or believes — accurately or not — that he or she has violated a moral standard, and bears significant responsibility for that violation... When something terrible happens to one of the partners, how will the other one be able to live on?
1. Chapter 1

**Guilt Is A Slippery Slope**

 **Disclaimer:  
** Sadly, nothing Five-0 related belongs to me, I'm just playing a little bit with the great characters. Maybe I can keep them after I'm done playing?

 **Notes:  
** 1) I have never been to Hawaii so I have actually no idea how the landscape looks like, except for what we see on TV. I made up most of the landscape for the sake of my story – I hope it's not too far-fetched.  
2) English is not my native language, so please forgive me my mistakes.

 **Thanks:  
** Thank you **JazzieG** for your amazing beta work – I really don't know what to do without you! Lots of hugs :-)  
As always, another huge thank you to **rewob17**. Thanks for always listening and reading and discussing and most of all for your help with finding the perfect title.

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 _The most beautiful moments always seemed to accelerate and slip beyond one's grasp  
just when you want to hold onto them for as long as possible.  
(E.A. Bucchianeri, Brushstrokes of a Gadfly)_

 **Chapter 1:**

Standing at the same spot where Steve had fallen and broken his arm almost exactly four years ago, Danny raised his head and took a deep breath, actually enjoying the view of the unique landscape. He could hear Grace's excited voice behind him, asking question after question about the ancient petroglyphs and then Steve's deeper voice when he patiently answered, explaining everything about turtles and warriors with fancy Hawaiian names and whatever else was engraved into the stones.

Danny smiled contentedly, their voices soothingly washing over him as he let his gaze roam across the green trees, the red-brown rocks and the bright blue ocean in the distance. After all they had been through lately he had longed for a little freedom, a little quiet, and when Steve had suggested that they should repeat their hike and finally take Grace to see the petroglyphs, Danny had immediately agreed, much to Steve's surprise.

It had been a long time since Danny had felt at ease with his life and the last few months had certainly not helped him to improve. Sure, things with Amber were going smoothly, Grace seemed to genuinely like her too, and Danny was feeling more and more that their relationship might actually have a future. But then there had been so many other things that hadn't turned out nearly as well and all those events still preyed heavily on Danny's conscience; the death of his brother, the killing of Reyes, Steve's final encounter with Wo Fat, Chin's recent arrest and last but not least his own imprisonment in Columbia.

"Danno, look at this," Grace's voice pulled him out of his dark musings and with a deep sigh Danny squared his shoulders and tried to shake off all the negative thoughts before he turned around and approached his daughter. "Isn't that beautiful?"

"It is, Monkey," Danny agreed with a look at all the engraved figures, wrapping his right arm around Grace's slender shoulders and lovingly pressing her against his side. She was almost as tall as he was and very soon she wouldn't be his little girl anymore; listening with half an ear to her explanations he slightly shook his head, trying to heed the advice Steve had given him a few months ago when they had been trapped underground. Right now he was happy to be here, with his beloved daughter and his best friend, and for once he tried to keep all negative thoughts at bay, not allowing them to surface and ruin the day.

"You alright?" Steve's whispered question was almost inaudible over Grace's high voice and Danny had barely noticed that his friend had stepped closer and was now occupying the place to his left.

Obviously his emotions had been clearly visible on his face because he could feel Steve's inquiring gaze resting on him and knowing that the other man wouldn't stop prodding before he got an answer, Danny slowly started to smile.

"Yes," he whispered back, nodding slightly without turning his head toward his partner. "Thank you for bringing us here," he added after a moment of contemplation, his smile brightening when he felt Steve's elbow nudging against his arm.

Turning his attention back to his daughter, he listened closely when Grace repeated everything Steve had told her about the petroglyphs and when her explanations finally ended after a few more minutes Danny silently had to admit that the engravings might indeed be as interesting as a professional Baseball game – not that he'd ever admit that in Steve's presence of course.

"Alright, who's hungry?" McGarrett asked cheerfully, strapping on his backpack as he motioned in the opposite direction that they had come from. "I want to show you another way back and there's actually a great place for a picnic about half an hour from here."

"Picnic? Now that's the first good idea I've heard today," Danny replied with a genuine smile, slapping his partner on the shoulder before he gently pushed Grace in the direction Steve had been indicating. "Come on Steven, what are you waiting for?" he asked, deliberately ignoring the amused expression on Steve's face.

The three of them were hiking mostly in silence for the next thirty minutes, the quiet only disturbed by the distant screams of some exotic birds and an occasional explanation from Steve when he crouched down next to Grace and quietly told her about a special plant or a fancy colored insect. Danny walked a few steps behind the two most important people in his life and very slowly he felt how a little bit of the tension that he had built up over the last months and years left his body. Briefly closing his eyes he inhaled deeply and puffed out the air in one long breath – almost running into his partner when he opened his eyes again.

Steve had crossed his arms in front of his chest, slightly cocking his head to the left as he stared down at his partner with a sly little smile. "Are you daydreaming, Danno?" he asked, turning his head to wink at Grace before he looked back at Danny. "It almost looked like you were enjoying being out here in nature…"

"Shut up, Steven," Danny interrupted him mid-sentence, his voice laced with indignation but his blue eyes sparkling with humor. The little banter between the two men elicited a fit of giggles from Grace and Danny couldn't prevent the corners of his mouth from twitching good-humoredly. "Now, where's that picnic you promised me?" he asked, walking over to his daughter who was already busy unpacking Steve's backpack and neatly arrange all the items on a large boulder in the shadow of an impressive rock overhang.

Taking a closer look Danny finally noticed that the rock formation was forming a natural picnic area and that Grace was actually setting the table on that boulder. "Wow, that's fantastic," he admitted, watching how Steve sat down on one of the stone chairs with a proud grin on his face before he also made himself comfortable next to his daughter.

Steve had packed a nice selection of food, sandwiches, fruits and – much to Danny's joy – even a small piece of neatly wrapped chocolate cake for everyone. Once they had finished their meal and made sure that they had gathered all the leftovers, Danny grabbed the backpack before Steve could shoulder it again.

"Now it's my turn," he said, adjusting the straps to his size.

"Oh sure, now that all the weight is gone, you offer to carry it," Steve joked, folding his arms in front of his chest in mock anger.

"Now that all the weight is gone?" Danny repeated, raising his eyebrows as he looked at Steve and simultaneously reached behind his back and slightly lifted the backpack. "All the weight is gone? Seriously, Steven? The food might be gone, but with the ropes and all the other fancy things you are still able to easily equip a whole Himalaya expedition."

"You can give it back anytime, you know?" Steve retorted with a little grin, knowing full well that Danny would never relent. "If it's too heavy for your delicate city boy shoulders."

"Only to hear you brag in front of Kono, Chin and Lou for days on end about how you hefted all the weight all the way?" Danny asked rhetorically, dismissively waving his hands through the air. "No thanks, I think the city boy can take it from here."

"I don't brag," McGarrett answered in a low murmur, contorting his face in irritation as he slightly shook his head.

"I think that's what Danno calls your aneurysm face, Uncle Steve," Grace giggled, returning her Dad's high five when he laughed out loud and stretched out his hand.

"That's my girl," he said proudly, still laughing heartily about Steve's expression.

"Are you two done now?" Steve asked good-naturedly when Danny and Grace had finally stopped giggling. "Then let's go. There's something else I wanna show you."

They walked for another ten minutes, the path slowly but steadily leading downwards. As far as Danny was aware they had almost traveled halfway round the mountain, walking down the south-eastern slope while the petroglyphs were facing northwards. The landscape here was completely different from the one they had seen on their way upwards; instead of lush green trees and bushes there were only red-brown rocks downhill from the path they were on, gently sloping at first but after about 100 feet the slope passed into a sharp cliff edge, similar to that one where they had found the dead body four years ago. According to Steve the cliff was several hundred feet high, the information instantly causing Danny to make sure that Grace walked as close to the face of the rock as possible.

The landscape had a rough charm, much more gloomy and grim than on the other side of the mountain but certainly not less beautiful. Steve motioned Danny and Grace to go ahead and when they rounded the next corner they were suddenly met with the most gorgeous view they could have imagined. Diamond Head and the entire city of Honolulu were directly lying in front of them and Grace shrieked in joy, immediately looking out for the quarter in which they were living. She insisted that she could see the roof of their house and afterwards she tried to find Steve's house, the Five-0 headquarters, her school and everything else she could think about.

Danny was quite impressed by his daughter's ability to navigate through the city from their bird's-eye view and to quickly find what she was looking for; she rattled off names of streets, pointing her finger toward the horizon to show him where some of her friends lived.

"That's a beautiful view," Grace finally said, turning toward Steve with a huge smile on her face. "Thank you so much for bringing us here," she spoke against Steve's chest as she hugged him tightly.

"You're very welcome, Keiki," Steve answered hoarsely as he briefly placed his chin on top of her head, a matching grin on his own face.

"Danno, I want to take a picture of you with the city in the background," Grace said after she had wiggled out of the embrace, already whipping out her cell phone. "Stretch out your hand and pretend you have your finger on top of the Aloha Tower," she instructed, wiping her thumb across the display to start the camera app. "That will look funny."

"Like this?" Danny asked, laughing as he stretched out his arm and wiggled his fingers.

"Hm, that's not working, the angle is wrong," Grace murmured under her breath, frowning as she raised her cell phone a little higher and changed her position a few times. She briefly nibbled on her lower lip before her face finally lit up.

"You have to sit down there, Danno," she said pointing at a piece of rock at the edge of the path. "And now lift me up, Uncle Steve," she ordered, squealing in surprise when Steve grabbed her in one swift move and sat her on his shoulder.

"Like this, milady?" he asked, lightly clasping her ankle in order to help her keep her balance.

"Perfect," she grinned proudly, looking at her father who was just about to settle down on the rock just like she had instructed. "Now stretch out your finger," Grace said, squinting at the screen of her cell phone to check the position." A little more to the left and a little higher… Ok, stop. That's it."

"Uncle Steve, two small steps backwards please… and stop wobbling so much," she scolded gently, pressing the release button to take a few pictures.

"She definitely gets that from her mother," Danny said with an affectionate smile, exchanging a look with Steve who tried to stand as still as possible. "I'm certainly not that persistent."

"You're not that persistent?" Steve replied, almost doubling over when a bout of laughter shook his body. He winced when Grace reflexively wrapped her arm around his head to not slip off his shoulders. "That's the funniest thing I've ever heard, Danny."

"Danno! Uncle Steve! Stop being silly," Grace reprimanded them, sitting up straighter before she repositioned her cell phone. "Do what I said so I can finally take my picture."

Locking eyes for a moment, Danny and Steve tried to contain their laughter about her demanding tone but then they both simultaneously nodded their heads. "Yes, ma'am," they said in perfect unison and Danny almost expected to see Steve saluting her.

"You can put me down now," Grace said after another minute of changing positions and taking pictures, beaming in joy when she browsed through the photos. "That's exactly how I wanted them," she exclaimed happily, taking a step forward to show them to her father, but then the smile suddenly froze on her lips when she took in the scene in front of her.

"Danno…" she breathed out, her eyes widening as she watched in horror how the red-brown rock crumbled underneath his touch when Danny placed his right hand on the surface to support himself as he stood up, causing him to take a step backwards in order to not lose his balance.

 **(tbc)**

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I hope you liked the beginning - next chapter in a week.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks a lot for your wonderful feedback - here's the next chapter, I hope you enjoy.

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 _If you knew that hope and despair were paths to the same destination, which would you choose?  
(Robert Brault)_

 **Chapter 2:**

Stretching his legs, Danny unconsciously massaged his right knee that still bothered him from time to time while he watched Steve crouching down so that Grace could easily jump off his shoulders. Judging by the beaming smile on her face she was very pleased with the pictures she had just taken and Danny couldn't help but smile too; seeing his daughter so happy always made his heart swell in his chest with all the love he felt for her. Genuinely enjoying the moment he threw a last glance over his shoulder to look down at the city that was now his home before he took a deep breath and stood up.

Placing his right hand on the surface of the rock next to him to support his weight, Danny drew in a surprised gasp when the rock suddenly crumbled underneath his fingers. He heard Grace's surprised outcry and from the corner of his eyes he saw how Steve took a quick step forward but it was too late.

The unexpected loss of support caused him to stumble backwards and he grimaced in pain when he tripped on a smaller rock and twisted his left ankle. Flailing his arms in a vain attempt not to lose his balance Danny had to take another step backwards but his foot stepped into nothing when he didn't find any more support at the edge of the path. The unfamiliar weight of the backpack literally tipped him over the edge and he just felt himself ungracefully plunging backwards.

The last thing Danny saw was the horror on Grace's face and Steve's outstretched hand that missed his own by a hairsbreadth; the uncomfortable feeling of falling into nothingness lasted only the length of a heartbeat and then his world exploded in pain when his body hit the ground.

Groaning loudly Danny landed half on his back and half on his right side, the backpack only slightly breaking his fall. He tried to cover his head with his hands but he wasn't fast enough, the right side of his face crashing onto the rough surface of the rocks. He might have passed out for a moment because the next thing he knew he was sliding downhill on his stomach, sluggishly turning around his own axis.

Somewhere in the back of his dazed mind he remembered Steve's words, something about a cliff, but the pain in his head made it almost impossible to think straight. Unconsciously trying to stretch out his arms to slow down the movement of his body, Danny groaned again when he crashed into another rock; his fingers scratched helplessly over the red-brown surface, leaving the tips of his finger raw and bloody.

The slide downhill went on and on until he suddenly felt how his body was slightly thrown in the air, turning over against his will before he crashed once more onto the ground, tumbling over again and again until he didn't know anymore what was up and what was down. The backpack painfully pressing against his spine, the rocks connecting with every part of his body until Danny was sure that he had certainly broken every single bone.

His whole body was on fire, the pain so all-consuming that he was glad when the darkness finally threatened to wash over him. He felt how the frail connection between body and mind was slowly slipping away when suddenly a voice jerked him back into awareness. He wasn't sure if he had really heard it or if it was just a figment of his imagination, but hearing his name caused Danny to pull himself together and gather his last strength.

Stretching out his right arm, his fingers miraculously found a grip, digging into a small cleft so that he finally jerked to a halt, his upper body coming to a rest exactly at the edge of the cliff, while his legs already dangled in the air. The abrupt stop caused a new wave of pain to surge through his body, so strong that he almost passed out, but he knew deep down in his concussed brain that he had to hang on, otherwise he would fall to his certain death.

"Steve…" Danny rasped exhaustedly, too weak to even raise his head. Every breath he took sent a stabbing pain through his chest and he could feel warm blood running down the right side of his face. His formerly white T-shirt and his jeans were stained with red-brown dust and shredded to pieces, the exposed skin cut and grazed almost everywhere.

Weakly thrashing his legs to find anything he could place his feet on, Danny knew that he wouldn't last much longer. The muscles in his arm already began to tremble and it took all his willpower to fight back the darkness that was already lurking at the edge of his mind. He desperately tried to free his left arm that was trapped beneath his body but he soon had to give up when a sharp pain travelled from his fingers all the way up to his shoulder.

"Steve… help," Danny repeated helplessly, almost expecting that a rope was raining down on him any moment until he realized that he was the one who was carrying the backpack with all the equipment and he closed his eyes in utter despair.

* * *

"Danny," Steve shouted, immediately jumping forward when he saw his friend losing his balance. He stretched out his hand, trying to catch the smaller man but he was too slow and a moment later, Danny had already disappeared from his sight.

"Daddy," Grace wailed next to him, her beautiful brown eyes wide with shock and horror. Tentatively stepping closer to the edge of the path she winced in surprise when Steve grasped her and violently whirled her around.

Firmly grabbing her slender shoulders, Steve gave her a brusque little shake so that her teeth were actually chattering. "Grace, listen to me," he said, rushed, trying to catch her gaze. He felt sorry for the little girl and he knew that she was scared – hell, he was too – but he had to make sure that she understood the dangers of the situation. He needed her to stay where she was, in safety, while he went down and tried to save his partner. "Stay here, okay? Do you hear me? Take your phone and try to call for help but don't move! I'm gonna get down and save Danno but you have to promise me that you stay here, okay?"

Her whole body trembled as she stared at Steve for a long moment before she finally nodded jerkily and slightly raised her hand, her fingers tightly closed around her pink cell phone.

"Good girl," Steve said, flashing Grace a brief smile and quickly cupping her face with his right hand. He knew that the chances of having any reception so far from civilization were more than slim but at least the task would keep her busy.

"Stay here," he repeated one last time before he whirled around and rushed toward the edge of the path. Gritting his teeth when he noticed how fast Danny's body was moving downhill he didn't lose any more time and followed his friend, partly running downwards bust mostly sliding on his bottom, placing his hands left and right from his body to keep his balance. Now and then losing his grip Steve managed to somehow control his descent, and he was actually able to noticeably reduce the distance between him and his partner.

"Danny," he shouted, narrowing his eyes as he tried to find out what injuries Danny had sustained; it looked every bit like the other man was unconscious, his body slack and his limbs flailing.

"Danny," Steve called out, louder than before, desperately trying to wake up his friend. The blond man was rapidly approaching the edge of the cliff and Steve knew deep inside that he wouldn't be fast enough to save him. "Danny!" he tried again, doing everything possible to quicken his pace.

Almost sobbing in relief when Danny finally reacted to his screams and weakly moved his arms, Steve doubled his efforts to reach his friend. "Danny, hold on! You have to hold on, I'm almost there."

The breath caught in his throat when he watched the other man halfway tumbling over the edge, his fall stopped in the last possible second when Danny dug his fingers into a small cleft. It was obvious that he wouldn't be able to hold on for very long, even from the distance Steve could see that Danny's body was trembling and beginning to shut down.

Not hesitating any longer and certainly not thinking about the consequences, Steve dug his heels into the ground and jumped forward, immediately realizing that this was probably the most desperate and most stupid thing he'd ever done in his life, and that his inconsiderate move would very likely cause them both to fall to their deaths.

Sliding the last few feet towards his partner on his stomach, Steve ignored everything around him, not caring that the jagged rocks slashed open his skin; his whole being was fixed on his friend, his mind concentrated on the single task of saving Danny, bringing him back to his daughter just as he had told Grace only a moment ago.

Noticing in horror that the muscles in Danny's arm trembled in earnest now and that his fingers slowly lost their grip, Steve stretched out his limbs, groping around for anything that might stop his fall. He had never expected his desperate plan to work but obviously the Fates were ruling in his favor and his left hand was able to dig into another cleft, slowing down his wild ride downhill and moving his body into a slightly different direction so that he could awkwardly wrap his legs and feet around a large rock.

"Danny," Steve exclaimed one more time, groaning when he stretched his body almost beyond its limits in an attempt to reach his friend. "Hold on," he ordered, almost angrily, the fingers of his right hand curling around Danny's wrist at the exact moment when the other man lost his grip and started to slide further over the edge.

 **(tbc)**

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Well, you know how much I love cliffhangers and I just couldn't resist ending this chapter with another one, a cliffhanger in the true sense of the word ;-)


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you so much for all your reviews, I really appreciate every single one of them. I had a terribly busy week so I didn't find the time to get back to you in person. But I love, love, love to hear from you; your reviews really make my day! :-) Thank you – I hope you enjoy the next chapter:

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 _No matter how strong you are, no matter how smart you are or tough you can be, the world will find a way to break you.  
And when it does, the only thing you can do is hold on._ _  
_ _(Taylor Jenkins Reid, Forever, Interrupted)_

 **Chapter 3:**

Firmly closing his fingers around Danny's wrist, Steve gritted his teeth and briefly squeezed his eyes shut when the additional weight violently pulled at his arm, almost threatening to dislocate his right shoulder. Tensing every single muscle in his body, Steve willed himself to breathe slowly and deeply in and out, pushing all the pain to the back of his mind and trying to concentrate solely on the task at hand, just like he had learned the hard way during hell week.

"Danny, hold on," he grunted, desperately digging his fingers into his friend's skin. Danny's whole body was limp, his head lolling to the side, so that Steve didn't know if the other man was even conscious. All he could see was the nasty gash on his right temple and the blood that was caking his blond hair.

"Danny," Steve urged, his voice loud and hoarse as he tried to rouse his partner. He knew he would try to hold on as long as necessary, the prospect of letting his friend fall to his death just wasn't acceptable. He was determined to never let go of Danny's hand, no matter how long it would take until help arrived.

But what if no help arrived? The chances that Grace got any reception were pretty slim and Steve wasn't willing to set his hopes on the possibility that some other hikers were coming their way. His mind raced as he quickly went through all the other possible solutions. What could he do? Order Grace to hike back the way they had come until her cell phone finally worked? Steve sharply shook his head and quickly pushed that thought to the back of his mind; Danny would never forgive him if he sent his 12-year-old daughter away, all alone in a foreign terrain. What if something happened to her or if she got lost?

Deep inside Steve knew that this might be their best shot and that he might ultimately have to make this choice, but he wasn't that desperate yet to honestly consider that step.

No, there had to be another option. Under different circumstances he would have been easily able to pull Danny back over the edge, but with only one hand and without any help from the unresponsive man it seemed to be nearly impossible. If he'd just had a better grip he might give it a try but at the moment he didn't dare to remove his left hand and let go of the rock, not trusting that he would be able to hold both of their weight with just his legs.

"Come on, buddy, you have to help a little bit," Steve tried again, blinking away the sweat that was running down his face and into his eyes. The blood from all the grazes and cuts made his palms slippery, causing him to readjust his grip around Danny's equally bloody wrist; he really needed his friend's assistance now, so he once more dug his fingers into Danny's skin. "Danny, do you hear me? You have to wake up!"

Seeing the fingers of Danny's hand slightly twitching, Steve felt a surge of hope rushing through his body and he kept on calling his friend's name until he was finally rewarded with an answer.

"'m awake..." Danny slurred, his fingers searchingly moving across Steve's forearm before they closed around his wrist with a surprisingly strong grip. Weakly raising his head, Danny blinked sluggishly as he tried to lock eyes with Steve but it was obvious that he wasn't able to focus very well. "… happened?" he asked hoarsely, furrowing his brow in confusion as he tried to remember. The cut on his right temple was still bleeding, the blood mixing with the red-brown dust as it ran down his face and into the collar of his shredded T-shirt. The skin on Danny's right arm was badly cut and Steve could only imagine what the rest of his body looked like, even his trusted trekking backpack was ripped open, a piece of rope clearly visible through the tear.

"Steve?" Danny asked agitatedly, jerkily turning his head to throw a look over his shoulder. "What happened?" he repeated, his voice laced with panic when he finally realized that they were really in trouble. "Help me up," he begged, weakly moving his legs in an attempt to heave himself up and back over the edge.

"Danny, you have to stop moving," Steve interrupted him firmly when Danny's uncoordinated movements endangered his frail hold onto the rocks and his body actually slid down a few inches. "You have to stay calm, do you hear me? Stop moving!"

"Okay... no need to shout..." Danny replied tiredly when suddenly all tension left his body; the small movement had obviously been enough to deprive him of all his energy.

Steve's heart literally skipped a beat when he saw that Danny's eyes closed in pain and exhaustion and his head bobbed forward but what scared him most was that he could also feel how Danny's fingers around his wrist were slowly loosening their grip.

"No, no, no, Danny, stay awake!" he barked, not allowing the other man to give up. "We have to do this together, okay? On three…"

"On three?" Danny repeated, giggling weakly when he remembered their very first encounter in Steve's garage.

Grinning humorlessly, Steve looked down at his partner and nodded once. He took a deep breath to gather his strength before he reinforced his grip around Danny's wrist and started to count. On three, Danny once more moved his legs while Steve flexed his arm in a desperate attempt to pull his friend up, squeezing his eyes shut when he felt something painfully snap in his right shoulder. Both men were groaning from the exertion and for a long moment it seemed that their plan wasn't working until Danny finally managed somehow to swing his legs over the edge.

Panting heavily they tried to lie as still as possible because every tiny movement caused the rocks beneath Danny's feet to crumble, threatening to send him back over the edge again.

"Dammit," McGarrett cursed when he realized that they were stuck but then his eyes snapped open when a sudden inspiration hit him. "Danny, I need your help," he growled, gritting his teeth when he felt the muscles in his right calf starting to cramp. He frowned when he noticed that Danny's eyes were closed and the other man was obviously still trying to catch his breath.

"Danny, Grace is waiting for us," Steve said, using the girl's name to grab Danny's attention. Just like he had expected his plan instantly worked and he grinned grimly when his partner finally took a deep breath and began to stir. Steve knew that his friend would always try to get back to his daughter and sure enough Danny force his head up to look at him.

"Grace? Where is she?" Danny asked, frowning in confusion while his gaze darted around in search of his daughter.

"She's safe, Danny, trust me," Steve quickly interrupted him before the other man became too agitated. "But we need to go back to her," he explained slowly, making sure that his partner was listening before he went on. "There's a rope in your backpack. Can you move your left arm and try to reach it? But you have to be careful, don't move too fast."

If they were just able to get a hold of the rope, Steve was sure that he could somehow tie a loop and belay them both, but there was no way that he could reach the rope or even the backpack himself.

"Danny, the rope," he repeated, a little bit more urgent this time when Danny still didn't react. Sweat was running down his face and his right calf was now caught in a full-blown cramp, adding to the pain that was burning in his right shoulder. He would never allow the pain to take over but Steve knew that his body wouldn't be able to hold on forever, no matter what his mind was willing to do. "Can you grab it? You just have to reach behind your back. There's a rip in the backpack."

Steve's breath was coming in fast, chopped gasps, and the small hopes he might have had were shattered the moment Danny was cautiously turning his body a little bit and he was able to throw a first real look at the other man's arm. Wincing in sympathy when he saw the unnatural angle of Danny's left forearm Steve knew instantly that his friend would never be able to reach for the rope with a clearly broken bone.

Realizing that his plan was doomed to fail, Steve almost sobbed in frustration but he quickly pulled himself together when Danny cried out in distress as he moved his arm, trying to carry out Steve's orders despite his injuries. The sudden movement caused more rocks to crumble underneath his body but Danny didn't seem to realize that he had just moved a little closer to the edge again.

"Steve... I can't..." he groaned in pain when his injured arm didn't cooperate and even the smallest of movements seemed to send a wave of agony through his body. His already pale face lost the last bit of color and Danny swallowed convulsively, squeezing his eyes shut in an attempt to ride out the pain. The fingers of his right hand dug deeply into Steve's wrist but as long as he knew that Danny would hold on, Steve didn't mind the additional ache at all. "Sorry... but I can't... I just can't… I'm so sorry…" Danny rasped, tears of pain and frustration running down his cheeks.

"Shhh, it's okay, Danny, it's okay," Steve whispered back, biting his dry lips as he tried once more to pull his friend further away from the edge but his right leg and his right shoulder were pretty much useless by now and he still didn't dare to remove the grip of his left hand, now even more than before. He knew that he needed to save his strength; and he knew that he needed to come up with a new plan, fast.

Making up his mind McGarrett swallowed down all the objections he might still have had and took a deep breath. He was just about to call Grace's name when a few small rocks rained down onto his back, causing him to grunt in surprise. The last thing they needed right now was a landslide, no matter how small or big, but when Steve turned his head to see what had caused the rocks to slide down, the scene in front of his eyes was more terrible than anything he could have ever imagined, literally letting the blood freeze in his veins.

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So, who can guess what happened? You will find out next week... :-)


	4. Chapter 4

Real life is so crazy at the moment, I barely find the time to switch on my computer... thank you so much for all your wonderful reviews, for all the favorites and alerts! :-)  
Okay, now here's the next chapter. Most of you guessed correctly, it's really Grace coming to the rescue. But will she be able to help?

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 _When the world says, "Give up,"_ _  
_ _Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."_ _  
_ _(Author Unknown)_

 **Chapter 4:**

"Grace, no," Steve choked out, desperately shaking his head when he saw that the dark-haired girl had already climbed down half of the slope, her eyes fixed on the ground as she was approaching their position. Small rocks broke loose under her feet and the breath caught in Steve's throat when she stumbled and almost fell, her small hands grabbing a large rock in the last possible moment.

"Grace," Steve called out, louder this time, and he knew that Danny's daughter had heard him when she pressed her lips together in one thin line, cautiously but stubbornly continuing her way down without answering him. Steve had seen the same expression on Danny's face a thousand times before and under different circumstances he might have laughed about how similar she looked to her father, but now he could only watch in rising panic how the girl stumbled closer and closer toward the edge of the cliff. She was still about thirty feet away from Steve's position and he certainly didn't want to disturb her concentration, but he knew, with everything he had, he would do anything to prevent something happening to her.

Crying out hoarsely when Grace tripped once more and actually slid down a few feet on her back Steve felt how his heart painfully clenched in his chest and he wasn't able to draw a proper breath until his adopted niece was finally able to catch herself on a small boulder and pull herself back to her feet.

"Grace, stay where you are, do you hear me?" Steve ordered harshly, his heart pounding loudly while his mind was almost completely numb. "Don't move, okay. It's too dangerous. Just stay where you are..." he begged helplessly; even from the distance he could see that her whole body was slightly trembling and that traces of tears were visible on her dust-covered cheeks.

"Stay where you are, sweetheart," he repeated a little bit more gently; he absolutely needed her to stay calm and not do anything stupid or rash.

"Grace?" Danny's weak voice caused Steve to turn his attention back to his partner and he suppressed a sympathetic smile when he saw the expression of worry and anguish on Danny's face. "What's wrong with her? Steve? Where is she? Is everything alright?" the blond man asked, moaning in pain as he moved his head a little bit in an attempt to throw a look past Steve's body.

From his position Danny wasn't able to see what was going on and if it was up to Steve, his friend would never find out what danger Grace was in right now but on the other hand Steve couldn't lie to his partner, not even in a life-and-death situation like this.

"She's alright, don't worry," Steve said hoarsely, noticing that Danny seemed to slowly become a little more coherent. The concern for Grace obviously helped keep the pain and fatigue at bay, but Danny absolutely didn't need the additional worry right now.

"Daddy?" Grace called out, her voice audibly quavering; the fact that she didn't use her usual nickname for her father told clearly how scared the little girl was. "Come on, you have to get up. We need to get back to the top," she said, naively hoping that a little bit of prodding would make Danny able to move.

"Oh God, she's down here with us?" Danny whispered lowly so that only Steve could hear him, his eyes wide with horror when he turned toward his friend, his gaze only sluggishly focusing on the other man. "Steve, you have to take her back. Please, promise me, you won't let anything happen to her." He tried to twist his body to be able to see his daughter but the movement caused a large piece of rock to break away and his right leg slipped back over the edge.

"Monkey... what are you doing down here?" Danny choked back a sob, trying to suppress his emotions as he struggled to climb back, managing with Steve's help to even crawl a few inches uphill. He closed his eyes and fought back the darkness that licked at the corners of his consciousness when the unexpected movement jarred his broken arm and the rest of his battered body.

"I… I wanted to help…" Grace hiccupped, angrily wiping the tears from her eyes by rubbing her cheek against her shoulder so that she didn't have to remove her grip around the large rock. "Uncle Steve said… he said I should call for help… but… but there was no reception." She dropped her gaze, staring at the red-brown rocks beneath her feet, her lips quivering when she went on. "There was no reception, Uncle Steve… I didn't know what to do…"

"Hey Grace, you did good, okay?" Steve said, desperately trying to calm her down. He had no idea what to do now, his mind raced while he tried to come up with a solution. Maybe if he tried again to pull Danny a little higher so that the blond man managed to hold on for himself. Then he could take Grace back to the top and return for his friend.

"Daddy, I'm scared..." Grace's tiny voice disturbed Steve's musings, her words confirming his resolution that he had to act fast.

"I know, Gracie, I'm scared too," Danny replied hoarsely, grimacing in pain when Steve pulled at his right arm. "God, Steve, stop it," he begged, beads of cold sweat covering his forehead. "Just leave me here," he suggested, weakly raising his head to lock eyes with his partner. "Take Grace back to the top. Make sure she's alright," Danny gave voice to the thoughts Steve had had only a moment ago but the way he uttered the short sentences between exhausted gasps made Steve doubt that he would be able to hang on without help for very long. "Then you can come back for me. Or even better, go and call for help."

"No, Danno, we won't leave you alone," Grace called out, visibly upset about her father's words. Angrily shaking her head so that her dark-brown ponytail was slapping against her cheeks she stood up from her crouched position behind her small boulder – and then everything happened so fast that Steve couldn't tell later what exactly had caused the following, horrible events.

A few small rocks broke away underneath Grace's feet and she stumbled forward, her small hands slipping of the rock as she hit the ground with a cry of pain. Unable to catch her fall she slid downwards, uttering a single shriek when she realized that she couldn't stop her downhill movement.

"Daddy," she yelled in panic at the same time that Danny desperately called out her name.

"Steve, let me go," Danny rasped hoarsely, his eyes wide open in fear for his daughter. "Save her. Steve, please, you have to catch her. I beg you, save Grace," he repeated over and over again, trying to wiggle his hand out of Steve's grip. Frantically moving his legs he tried once more to find a better grip for his feet but the rocks just crumbled under his touch, leaving him in an even worse situation than before.

All the former exhaustion and pain was forgotten when a wave of adrenaline rushed through his system, Steve stubbornly gritted his teeth and shook his head, digging his fingers deeper into the skin of Danny's wrist. "No, I won't let you go," he growled, not willing to give up on his partner. He would find a way to save them both, he just had to. "I'll catch her, Danny, I promise. Stop struggling," he ordered, clipped, before he narrowed his eyes and turned his attention to Grace who was still sliding downwards, calling for help while her arms and legs flailed wildly.

Steve's world seemed to shrink to the size of a pinhead when he blocked out all other sounds around him, all the pain and all emotions. He solely concentrated on Danny's trembling hand inside his own and on the little girl, calculating the path she was sliding down on in his head. Ignoring the pain from his cramped right calf and from his right shoulder he firmly readjusted his legs around the rock and slightly shifted his weight, twisting his body to the left in the last possible moment. Danny's distressed outcry was ringing in his ears when he let go of the rock and stretched out his left arm as far as possible.

Steve's fingers closed around Grace's upper arm, causing her slender body to jerk to a halt. Wincing when he heard her pained cry he just hoped that the sudden stop hadn't hurt her too much.

"I got her, Danny, I got her," Steve breathed out, knowing full well that the haunted look on Danny's face probably mirrored his own expression. "Gracie, are you alright?" he asked, needing to make sure that the girl was okay before he decided how to proceed. For the moment they all seemed to be in a somewhat safe position, the danger of an imminent fall averted, but they still had to find a way back to the top.

Nodding shakily, Grace just opened her mouth to answer Steve's question when another rock broke away underneath Danny's body and the blond man couldn't prevent his legs from sliding over the edge. The unexpected movement caused Steve to also lose his grip around the rock, his feet helplessly scraping across the surface.

"No, please," McGarrett groaned out, desperately moving his legs to find another hold but when Danny's body also slipped over the edge he knew that this wouldn't end well. Grace's shrill screams as well as Danny's desperate pleas to save his daughter ringing in his ears, Steve silently prayed for a miracle.

The Fates really seemed to enjoy their sick little game because just when Grace's body also slipped across the edge, Steve felt his toes sliding into a larger cleft and he reflexively tucked up his feet so that the three of them jerked to a halt; he felt a little bit like a trapeze artist, only that they didn't have the comfort of a safety net.

Grunting hoarsely when he suddenly had to hold Danny's and Grace's entire weight, Steve squeezed his eyes shut, the muscles in his arms trembling violently from the exertion. Despite the fact that his partner was a lot heavier than his little girl and despite his injured right shoulder, Steve found it a lot easier to hold his friend's weight, their hands still intertwined; Danny's fingers firmly around his wrist just like Steve's hand was tightly curled around Danny's wrist.

Steve's left hand however was slowly but surely losing his grip and no matter how tightly he wrapped his fingers around Grace's arm, he felt how the girl slowly slipped off, maybe because she was struggling so hard, kicking her legs in panic while she sobbed hysterically, or maybe because Steve unconsciously didn't dare to press too hard out of fear of hurting her.

"Don't let her fall, Steve, I beg you," Danny was also crying now, his voice barely a whisper but underneath all the pain and anguish there was a hint of trust; trust that Steve would be able to save his daughter, trust that the former SEAL would come up with one of his totally absurd plans, once more saving the day.

Groaning loudly Steve gritted his teeth when he tried to heave Grace back over the edge; she didn't weigh that much and he should have easily managed to pull her up. But his own position was still far from stable and the little girl still struggled and kicked so hard that she made it almost impossible for him to hold his grip. Steve's face was wet from tears and sweat, contorted in pain and exertion and the blood that was loudly rushing in his ears almost drowned out every other sound.

"Grace!"

Danny's barked order surprised everyone and Grace actually stopped moving, turning her head to stare wide-eyed at her father, he face pale and stained with tears. "Hold still," Danny added very softly and Steve just didn't know where Danny found the strength to keep relatively calm in a situation like this and how he was still able to put so much love in his words. "Uncle Steve will pull you up, but you have to hold still, okay?"

"Danny…" Steve interrupted him, gasping out the word as he grimaced in pain. He was deeply touched by Danny's trust in him but deep inside he knew that he wouldn't be able to save both Danny and Grace. The realization suddenly hit him with a vengeance and he had to choke back the agonized sob that was building up in his chest; he wasn't ready to give up yet, he would fight until the very end, putting the very last ounce of his strength into the task at hand.

But obviously his thoughts were clearly visible, or maybe Danny had always been right and he really 'had a face', because when Steve looked down at his partner, Danny's lip curled into a soft little smile. Breathing deeply in and out while he held on to Steve's hand, the muscles in his right arm violently trembling while his broken left arm was uselessly hanging by his side, Danny briefly closed his eyes and when he reopened them a moment later, Steve could see a determination in those blue eyes that made the blood freeze in his veins.

Danny's gaze briefly flickered upwards and he locked eyes with his friend. "Save her," he mouthed soundlessly, causing Steve to frantically shake his head. McGarrett knew what Danny had in mind, he knew what was going to happen and he would be damned if he let one of them go but at the same time he couldn't prevent that Grace's slender arm slipped further and further from his grip.

Steve could only watch in silent horror how Danny turned his head to look at his daughter. Tears were streaming down her pale face while she still weakly kicked her legs, trying to find any grip in the smooth wall of rock.

"Always remember, Monkey," Danny said slowly, his eyes wide-open when he let his gaze travel across his daughter's face as if he tried to memorize every little detail. "Danno loves you," he added with a sad little smile before he took another deep breath and opened his fingers, flicking his wrist to free himself from Steve's grip.

 **(tbc)**

* * *

Uhm, I have to admit that this is probably the most evil cliffhanger I've ever written… I think I'll better go and find a safe place to hide.  
See you all next week, hope you have a great time!


	5. Chapter 5

Wow, thank you so much for all those fantastic reviews, you're amazing!  
Now, are you ready to find out how Danny's doing?

* * *

 _Some people believe that holding on and hanging there are signs of strength,  
but there are times in life when it takes much more strength just to let go._ _  
_ _(Ann Landers)_

 **Chapter 5:**

Danny never closed his eyes while he fell backwards, wanting his beloved daughter to be the last thing he ever saw in his life. He fought back the pain, the fear, the doubt, the regret, letting the love for his little girl flow into every part of his body and mind. He looked at her without blinking while he fell seemingly endlessly, never averting his eyes, not even when his body crashed onto the hard surface of a narrow ledge about twenty feet vertically below Steve's and Grace's position.

For a split second Danny felt an incredible pain traveling through his whole body, worse than anything he had ever experienced before but then the darkness greedily swallowed him and he knew no more. He never heard Steve's anguished outcry or Grace's gut-wrenching sobs nor did he feel how his limp body tumbled over the edge and dropped down even further, finally coming to a halt on a second, even smaller ledge just out of sight from his partner's eyes.

* * *

Steve knew for sure that he would never be able to forget the sickening sound of the impact that burnt itself into his mind when Danny crashed onto the rocks. He was so shocked, so completely empty, that he actually froze for a second; he could only watch in silent horror how his partner's limp and broken body rolled toward the edge and then disappeared from his view, until Grace's heartbreaking sobs shook him from his numbness.

He wasn't aware that he had also cried out, the almost animalistic sound that had torn itself from his throat eerily floating away with the soft afternoon breeze. Without thinking Steve reached over with his now free hand; he could still feel the warmth of Danny's fingers when he firmly grabbed Grace at the last possible moment before she also fell, finally pulling her upwards with both hands.

The dark-haired girl was struggling weakly in his grip and Steve's heart literally broke when he heard her call out for her Dad. Panting heavily, Steve gritted his teeth while he pulled her over the edge, shoving all the physical and emotional pain to the back of his mind. Now was not the time to mourn, he had to make sure that Grace was safe; he had to make sure that Danny's ultimate sacrifice hadn't been in vain.

Steve had no idea how he actually managed to move himself and Danny's daughter into a safer position, all he knew was that he was finally leaning against a small boulder not far from the edge, holding Grace tightly against his chest while she loudly sobbed into his shirt and vigorously tried to break free.

"Daddy, no..." she wailed over and over again, her fingernails scratching across Steve's skin and leaving angry, red marks but the Ex-SEAL didn't even flinch, he only pressed her harder against his chest to stop her attempts of escape, hugging her tightly while he soothingly murmured useless nonsense into her ear.

He didn't know how much time had passed but finally Grace's sobs became weaker and she stopped fighting, exhaustedly leaning her head against his injured shoulder and he felt her slender body trembling in his arms. Making sure that he had a safe grip he cautiously moved a little closer to the edge until he was able to peek down, desperately looking for any sign of his partner; Steve's heart clenched painfully in his chest and he gritted his teeth to fight back the tears when he saw nothing but the vertical wall of rock, only a few small ledges interrupting the long way down.

There was absolutely no way that Danny could have survived the fall but against all better knowledge McGarrett cleared his throat and called out for his friend; narrowing his eyes as he closely inspected every part of the rock, but the red-brown surface only stared back at him in mock silence. "Danny?" Steve shouted hoarsely, listening carefully for an answer, but deep inside he already knew that it was to no avail. He tried a few more times but when Grace started to sob again, moaning her father's name against his shoulder, he knew that he had to stop if he didn't want to upset her even more. The girl was now shivering in earnest and even if it was against everything that had been drilled into him, Steve knew that he had to leave his partner behind in order to fulfill Danny's last wish and save his beloved daughter.

Taking a deep, shuddering breath he gathered all his remaining strength and struggled to his feet, pressing Grace against his chest with his left arm. Every tiny movement of his right arm or hand caused his shoulder to scream in pain and Steve was pretty sure that some serious damage had occurred during the attempt to pull Danny back over the edge but that was something he couldn't take care of right now. Very carefully, he slowly began to climb back to the top of the slope, ignoring the dull pain that travelled through his right calf with every step he took. It was a long, tedious way up and more than once he slipped on a loose rock and almost fell but somehow he managed to stay on his feet, despite Grace's limp weight at his side.

Now and then Steve threw a look at the young girl in his arm, deeply worried about her apathetic behavior. Her brown eyes were huge in her pale face, the few scrapes and cuts on her face and arms bleeding sluggishly. Grace wasn't crying anymore but the tracks of tears were still clearly visible on her dust-covered cheeks; she didn't react to anything around her, just staring numbly into nothingness.

Steve didn't know how long it had taken him but when he finally heaved himself and Grace over the edge and back onto the path, the sun was already beginning to disappear behind the mountain. The city of Honolulu was bathed in a warm orange light and the sight was even prettier than before when Grace had taken her photos and the three of them had laughed and had fun. Steve could still clearly remember the expression of pride and love on Danny's face when he had watched his daughter and his heart slowly started to crumble when he finally realized that he would never see that look again.

He unconsciously began to tremble, dropping to his knees as he tightly wrapped his left arm around his adopted niece. He closed his eyes and rested his cheek on top of Grace's head, furrowing his brow in utter grief when he noticed that the girl had started to cry again and with every pained sob his heart crumbled a little more.

"Danno," Grace wept bitterly, and every time she murmured her father's name another piece of Steve's heart fell to the ground and tumbled down the slope, following Danny into the deadly depths.

Knowing that they couldn't stay there forever, Steve blinked his eyes open and tried to summon the energy to get up and walk down the path until their cell phones started to pick up reception again or until they had made it back to their car. He had trouble thinking straight, never before in his life had he felt so numb, so completely empty and the simple thought of leaving this place, of leaving his friend behind, caused him physical pain so strong that he actually clutched his chest and heaved a hoarse groan.

Breathing heavily McGarrett firmly clenched his fists, using the pain that surged through his right shoulder to focus on the task at hand. The day was rapidly drawing to a close and he knew that they needed to get off the mountain before it became dark, so he gently ran a hand over Grace's hair and softly asked her if she was able to walk on her own. Sighing when he got no reaction, Steve once more wrapped his left arm around her waist and struggled to his feet, gritting his teeth against the new onslaught of pain when he lifted her up.

Without looking back he started to limp down the path, his gaze firmly fixed on the red-brown rocks beneath his feet. Tears were burning at the back of his eyes and with every step he diverged from his partner his heart became heavier until the grief was almost unbearable. Steve was easily able to ignore all the physical pain, his shoulder, his leg, all the cuts and scrapes and bruises, but the burning hole in his heart made it almost impossible to go on or to even breathe.

All that Steve could think of during their long way down the mountain was the look on Danny's face, the love for Grace and the unlimited trust in himself that he had seen there; the trust in his friend that he would be able to save his daughter. The bright blue eyes had been so clear and Danny had willingly given his life for his little girl, putting the most precious thing he had in Steve's hands. Unconsciously pressing a shivering Grace tighter to his side, Steve didn't notice that tears were running down his cheeks or that he was also trembling uncontrollably now; he ignored the small voice at the back of his mind that was telling him that they were probably both in a state of shock.

Limping as fast as possible, Steve stumbled more and more often, once or twice actually falling to his knees and every time it became more difficult to climb back to his feet. When they finally reached the small parking lot he was so exhausted, physically and emotionally, that he was barely able to pull the car keys out of his pocket. Needing four of five tries to simply put the key into the lock he finally managed to open the passenger's door, heavily dropping down onto the seat as he pulled Grace into his lap.

Steve knew that he was in no condition to drive back to the city and even if he had found the energy he would never have left. He simply wasn't willing to leave the mountain without Danny; he had once been forced to leave behind another partner and he had felt numb for years until he had been able to finally bring Freddie's body home. He had let Danny fall to his death; the least he could do was make sure that his friend's body would be properly recovered.

Trying to control his strained breathing he weakly groped for his cell phone, blindly wiping a trembling finger across the display. He frowned in confusion when nothing happened and for a long moment he just stared numbly at the broken screen until he finally realized that the little device was damaged beyond repair. Closing his eyes, Steve wearily leaned his head against the headrest; it would have been so easy to just give in and allow his body to rest. The cell phone slipped from his limp fingers and dropped to the ground, disappearing between the seats with a soft, metallic clattering. Grimacing in pain and grief when the sound reached his ears he forced his eyes open and firmly clenched his fist, so hard that the muscles in his arm were trembling; the mental picture of the cell phone dropping from his hand just brought back the horrible image of Danny, flicking his hand free from Steve's grip and falling to his death, and the scene played back in Steve's mind over and over again.

"Gracie?" Steve finally asked hoarsely when her stressed moans got stronger, gently running his hand across her arm to grab her attention. The girl's skin felt cold and clammy under his touch, her whole body trembling so hard that her teeth were chattering loudly, but just like before she didn't react to Steve's words. Her head rolled limply against Steve's shoulder when he cautiously shifted her weight, her half-closed eyes still not tracking anything that happened around her.

Knowing that she needed help quickly to treat the shock in which she was obviously slipping deeper and deeper with every passing minute, Steve pulled himself together and pushed his own pain and fatigue to the back of his mind one final time. Searching through Grace's clothes as gently as possible he finally sighed in relief when he found what he was looking for and he prayed with every fiber of his body that her pink cell phone was still intact.

* * *

The small spur of rock was barely wide enough to provide enough space and it was pure luck that Danny's body had come to a rest only inches from the edge. He lay there deadly still on the rough rocks, looking every bit like a broken doll that had been carelessly tossed away. Blood was trickling out of countless cuts and scrapes, running down his arms and face, slowly seeping into the red-brown dust underneath his body.

It would have taken a thorough inspection to notice the barely visible up and down of Danny's chest, and the gust of wind that swept along the cliff carried away the soft moans that left his mouth with every strained breath he took.

 **(tbc)**

* * *

Not a deathfic, I promise! See you all next week...


	6. Chapter 6

_Truth does not become more true by virtue of the fact that the entire world agrees with it,  
nor less so even if the whole world disagrees with it.  
(Maimonides)_

 **Chapter 6:**

Good-humoredly shaking his head while he watched Kono and Lou arguing loudly about the best way to make a barbecue, Chin calmly finished setting the large wooden table before he grabbed a bottle of cool beer and dropped down in one of the chairs to watch his teammates.

"Missy, I'm from Chicago," Grover just boomed, slowly waving a large barbecue fork through the air as he stared down at the slender woman in front of him in a mixture of utter amusement and disbelief. "We practically invented the barbecue and I've probably cooked more steaks in one year than you have ever seen in your whole life."

"Oh, is that right?" Kono asked back with a soft smirk on her face and Chin inwardly cringed when he noticed the dangerous glint in her dark eyes, knowing that his cousin certainly didn't like to be called 'Missy'. Taking a long sip from his bottle, Chin leaned forward in his chair and narrowed his eyes, secretly betting on the young woman to win the battle. He knew how persuasive she could be and he actually remembered numerous occasions from their childhood when the much younger girl had defended her opinion tooth and nail. "You're a Haole, and you certainly have no idea how to make a proper Hawaiian Luau," Kono retorted, snatching the fork out of Lou's hand before he knew what happened. "But I'm willing to teach you," she added generously, laughing out loud about the expression of injured pride on the big man's face.

Genuinely enjoying the following playful argument about barbecue techniques, Chin placed the beer bottle on the table when he felt his cell phone buzzing in his pocket. Smiling when he noticed the caller's ID, he swiftly stood up and took a few steps away from Kono and Lou so that his conversation didn't get disturbed by their loud banter.

"Hey Grace, it's all set up. Where are you?" Chin asked, keeping his voice conspiratorially low as he casually leaned against the frame of the open veranda door. It was about time Danny's daughter finally called; after all it had been her idea to plan a barbecue in Steve's spacious backyard, a nice surprise for Steve and Danny once they returned from their little hiking adventure.

Chin's smile brightened while he waited for an answer, briefly waving at his teammates before he pointed at the cell phone he had pressed against his ear. 'It's Grace,' he mouthed silently, nodding when Kono and Lou immediately stopped their little fight and tried to stay as quietly as possible in case Steve or Danny were listening on the other end of the line.

"Gracie? Are you there?" Chin asked after a moment of silence, the smile on his face slowly vanishing when there was still no answer. "Grace?" he repeated, trying to push back the increasing feeling of uneasiness; maybe they were still up on the mountain and the reception wasn't very good, but then his eyebrows shot up in surprise when he heard Steve's dark voice instead of Grace's higher one.

" _Chin... it's me..."_

"Steve, what's wrong?" the Asian man immediately interrupted his boss, frowning in worry when he noticed how weak and hoarse Steve's voice sounded. He pushed himself of the doorframe and sharply motioned his cousin and Grover to come nearer, glad about the fact that Kono obviously knew him well enough to instantly realize that something was wrong.

"Steve, I put you on speaker, Kono and Lou are here too," Chin said quickly, trying to keep his voice as calm as possible, but he wasn't sure if the other man had even heard his words.

" _We... we need an ambulance... can you..."_ Steve stammered, leaving a long pause before he audibly cleared his throat and continued slowly. _"Grace... she's not... I think she's in shock..."_

"Alright, stay calm," Chin jumped into action, motioning Kono and Lou to follow him to their cars while he gently tried to coax more details out of their obviously very distraught leader. "Can you tell me where you are?" Exchanging a brief look with his teammates, Chin grimly shook his head when he saw the worry and questions in their eyes. "Steve?" he prodded, deeply concerned about McGarrett's unusual behavior. "I need to know where you are, otherwise I can't send help. Do you hear me, Steve?"

" _We're... we're at that small parking site..."_ Steve finally answered, haltingly going on to describe their exact position.

"Alright, I know where that is," Chin answered after having listened to Steve's explanations, noticing from the corner of his eyes how Kono called for help and ordered an ambulance. The area was not really suitable for a helicopter to land, so Chin hoped that whatever had happened didn't require further medical assistance. "Help's on the way," he reassured Steve after Kono had hung up, the frown on his forehead deepening when she gestured to him that it would probably take at least half an hour until the ambulance had reached said parking lot.

"Steve, it may take a while, but help's on the way, okay?" Chin said while he climbed into the passenger's seat of Grover's large truck.

The big man barely waited for Kono to also enter the car before he started the engine and stepped on the gas. He hadn't been on the island long enough to know where exactly they were heading to, but with Kono giving him directions they were soon on the shortest way toward the petroglyphs.

" _Can you... can you tell them to hurry up?"_ Steve's uncharacteristic weak voice was coming through Chin's cell phone and the obvious distress in his words caused Chin, Kono and Lou to exchange another worried look. _"Grace... she really needs help..."_

"Steve, you need to stay calm, okay? Help's on the way," Chin repeated once more, briefly checking how far they were still away. "Can you tell us what happened? Are you hurt?" He knew that whatever had happened had to be bad, otherwise the highly decorated SEAL wouldn't be so beside himself. Either he was injured himself or... Chin interrupted his own train of thoughts and his eyes widened in horror when he realized that Steve had not mentioned his partner so far.

"Steve, what happened?" he asked again, very slowly, while he sat up straighter in his seat. His heart was pounding in his chest and judging by the terrified expressions on Lou's and Kono's faces his teammates had obviously come to the same conclusion. "Where is Danny?"

The following moment of silence stretched almost endlessly until Steve's husky voice finally reached their ears, barely audible over the loud roaring of the engine.

" _Danny… he… he is… Oh God, Chin... he fell..."_ Steve stammered, taking a deep shuddering breath before he hoarsely whispered the words that made the three remaining members of Five-0 gasp in shock. _"Danny's dead."_

* * *

Very slowly Danny fought his way back into awareness out of the black depths of unconsciousness but the nearer he came to actually waking up, the more he became aware of all the injuries he had sustained. At the moment he couldn't remember what exactly had happened, all he knew was that there wasn't a single part of his body that didn't scream in agony and Danny's breathing involuntarily quickened when his brain tried to cope with the unexpected onslaught of incredible stress.

Moaning pitifully with every strained exhale, Danny unconsciously grimaced in pain, his eyes tightly squeezed shut in an attempt to fight against the darkness that was threatening to pull him under again. His fingers twitched restlessly but even those tiny little movements sent new waves of pain through his entire body; the blood was rushing loudly in his ears, drowning out the soft whimper that left his lips.

A little voice deep down in the farthest corner of his concussed mind ordered him not to move, drilling into him that it was crucial that he stayed still. Much too exhausted and in too much pain to fight the voice or to even question it's order, Danny caved in and after a final twitch of his fingers he lay as still as possible.

Knowing that he was on the verge of slipping back into unconsciousness, Danny felt his body becoming heavier with every passing moment. His mind sluggishly provided him with only a few details about his current situation but he was too tired to dig deeper so he just went with what he had so far, trying to take stock of his injuries.

After a long moment of just concentrating on his breathing, Danny slowly realized that he was laying half on his left side and half on his back; his upper body supported and slightly propped up by something that was pressing against his spine. He couldn't really feel his left arm, only a dull pressure from his wrist up to his shoulder, but something told him that it was probably better that way and so he didn't dwell on the weird sensation, his brain unable to focus on anything for longer than a few seconds anyway.

Danny slightly frowned when a gust of wind swept across his face and tousled his hair, the cold breeze briefly making him shiver, but then he instantly relaxed when the soft touch reminded him of his daughter.

"Grace," he breathed out, thinking about her soft brown eyes and her carefree laughter, the soft exhale so low that the whispered name did not even reach his own ears.

Deep inside his heart Danny felt a weak little pang and he had the strange feeling that he should worry about his little girl, but he also instinctively knew that she was safe, wherever she was right now.

'I got her, Danny, I got her.'

The words were floating through Danny's mind, Steve's reassuring voice reverberating in his head and he involuntarily relaxed a little more. The pain seemed to leave his body while the darkness slowly licked at the edge of his consciousness but he trusted Steve with everything he had, he trusted him with his life and with the life of his daughter, and so Danny simply stopped fighting the needs of his body.

Peaceful thoughts about Grace, happy and laughing, filled his mind and almost without noticing Danny lost his grip on his awareness and slipped back into unconsciousness.

 **(tbc)**


	7. Chapter 7

Thank you so much for all your great reviews, unfortunately I didn't find the time to thank each and every one of you in person. I really, really, really appreciate your feedback – thank you, you're amazing!

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 _There is no point in wishing things can be different.  
We cannot change the past. We can only accept the change and move forward.  
(Author Unknown)_

 **Chapter 7:**

" _Danny's dead."_

Steve's words were floating through the driver's cabin of the truck, and despite the low volume in which they had been whispered, they were ringing loudly in Chin's, Kono's and Lou's ears.

Clutching the steering wheel a little tighter so that the skin above his knuckles stretched almost painfully, Grover pressed his lips together and accelerated the car even more. Furrowing his brow in worry and grief he slowly shook his head in denial, the extent of Steve's statement was almost too big to grasp. He hadn't been with Five-0 for very long but in the short amount of time the four people had become real friends to him; it might not seem that way but he had especially hit it off with Danny ever since Samantha had been kidnapped, maybe because they were similar in loudly expressing their opinion, maybe because they were both fathers or maybe because both of them were foreigners, 'Haoles' as the Hawaiians liked to call them.

"Steve…" Chin hesitantly tried to reach their boss when the other man had fallen silent but he obviously didn't know what to say after Steve's shocking announcement because his voice trailed off as he scrubbed his slightly shaking hands over his face. "What happened?"

" _Just hurry up…"_ Steve whispered hoarsely without answering Chin's question before he simply ended the call, the following silence only disturbed by Kono's terrified outcry from the backseat.

"He… he was kidding, right?" the young woman asked while she leaned forward, her face pale and her dark eyes wide open. Of course she knew that Steve would never make fun about something like that but she desperately clutched at the last straw, hoping against all better knowledge that his words had been just that – a sick and cruel joke. "Danny can't be dead…"

Tears were starting to form in her eyes when she saw the expression of raw grief on her cousin's face and she frantically tried to blink them away. "No, Chin, it was a joke…" she stammered, stretching out her right arm to place her hand on Chin's shoulder. "It had to be… he isn't dead, right?"

"I don't know," Chin replied, his voice husky as he placed his own hand on top of Kono's smaller one and squeezed gently, trying everything to comfort his cousin. "I don't know," he repeated softly.

The rest of the trip was silent, all three people dwelled on their own gloomy thoughts and nobody dared to repeat Steve's words out of fear to make them true. It took them nearly twenty-five minutes to reach the small parking lot that Steve had described and yet they still arrived there long before the ambulance. The sun was already touching the horizon when Lou parked his truck next to McGarrett's dark blue Silverado and without waiting for him to shut down the engine, Chin and Kono jumped out of the car.

The right front door of Steve's truck was open and when they rounded the car the cousins almost stumbled over an opened first-aid box that lay on the ground, its contents obviously rifled through in a careless hurry, before they found their boss slumped down on the passenger's seat with his eyes closed, holding a visibly trembling Grace tightly embraced in his lap.

The girl was wrapped in a silver emergency blanket so that only her hair and part of her face were visible; the thin material rustling softly with every breath Steve was taking. McGarrett had leaned his head against the headrest and he looked every bit like he was asleep or even unconscious, if it wasn't for the expression of utter sorrow and despair that flickered across his face every now and then.

"Steve?" Chin asked gently while he cautiously approached his boss, his soft-spoken question almost drowned out by Kono's strangled gasp when she took in Steve's and Grace's appearance.

"What happened to them?" the dark-haired woman asked, clearly upset about the myriad of cuts, scrapes and bruises that covered Steve's face and arms. The part of Grace's face she was able to see looked almost as bad as Steve's and Kono didn't doubt that the rest of the girl's body was probably showing the very same injuries. "And where's Danny?" she added anxiously, narrowing her eyes as she turned around her own axis to look for their missing teammate.

"I don't know," Chin replied curtly, briefly shaking his head as he stepped closer and hesitated a moment before he warily placed a hand on Steve's right shoulder. Given Steve's training he wouldn't usually take a chance and risk startling the former SEAL but right now he had to make sure that Steve and especially Grace got the help they needed. "Steve?" he asked again a little louder, slightly squeezing the younger man's shoulder to grab his attention. "Can you hear me?"

Steve instantly jerked back at the touch and breathed out a hoarse groan, his face contorting in pain as his eyes snapped open. The unexpected movement obviously surprised the young girl in his lap and Steve unconsciously tightened his embrace when Grace started to whimper and weakly thrashed around her arms.

"Hey, Steve, it's alright," Chin said gently when he noticed the confusion on the other man's face, deciding that it was safe to keep the physical touch and let his hand rest lightly on Steve's shoulder. "It's me, Chin."

Looking up, McGarrett just stared back at him out of bleary, red-rimmed eyes, obviously needing a long moment to truly recognize his teammate. He finally blinked a few times and took a deep, shuddering breath before he briefly licked his dry lips and cleared his throat. "Oh, hey…" he croaked out but then his voice trailed off and he closed his eyes again, wearily leaning his head back against the seat; now that he knew that his team was here, all strength seemed to leave his body.

"Steve? You with me?" Chin asked worriedly, once more squeezing the younger man's shoulder, but he quickly loosened his grip when Steve hissed in pain. Hearing the sound of an engine behind him, he briefly looked back and sighed in relief when he saw an ambulance drawing nearer. "Paramedics are here, Steve, do you hear me? Let them have a look at Grace, okay?" Chin asked, carefully removing the emergency blanket before he gently tried to pry Danny's daughter away from Steve.

"No," the Ex-SEAL replied when he felt the movement, reflexively tightening his grip as he shrank back a little bit. Wildly looking around for a moment, his gaze finally settled on Chin and he stared at the older man in confusion, his whole body slightly trembling.

"Hey, calm down, Steve," Chin said soothingly, noticing from the corner of his eyes that Grover and two paramedics were slowly approaching their position. "Everything's alright. Kono and Lou are here too, they will take care of Grace, but you have to let her go, okay?"

Waving the paramedics to come nearer when he finally saw the change in Steve's posture and the flicker of recognition in his eyes, Chin stepped back a little bit to make space for Grover who had just signaled him that he would take over. The man had a daughter too, he probably knew best what the little girl needed right now and how to deal with her, so Chin just watched how Lou bent down and smiled softly while he talked to Steve.

"It's okay, man, let her go," Grover hummed, locking eyes with his boss. His dark voice seemed to calm down Steve a little bit, so that he was able to gently peel Steve's arms away from Grace. "She's in good hands, I'll go with her, okay?" he said, waiting for Steve to give him a hesitant nod before he easily lifted the dark-haired girl up and turned around toward the waiting paramedics. Grimacing in sympathy when he took in Grace's apathetic gaze and the traces of tears on her pale cheeks he quickened his steps, and as much as he also wanted to be at Steve's side and learn what had happened to him and Danny he left it to Chin and Kono to care for their boss, while he made sure that Grace got all the medical attention she needed.

"Steve, don't move," Chin said, tearing away his attention from Lou and Grace when he noticed that Steve was laboriously swinging his legs to the right and started to wiggle out of the car. "Let the paramedics check you out first." He didn't like the way McGarrett pressed his right arm against his body or that he unconsciously groaned in pain every time he moved. The man looked as if he wouldn't be able to take a single step without support, the dark circles underneath his eyes and the bloody scrapes on his face clearly sticking out against his pale complexion.

"I'm fine," Steve insisted, sharply shaking his head as he tried to stand up but his knees instantly buckled under his weight and he only managed with Chin's and Kono's help to slip down more or less gracefully until he came to a rest on the running board of his Silverado.

Panting heavily to ride out the pain, he just sat there in silence, dropping his head to his chest as he clutched his right arm with his left hand. Squeezing his eyes shut, Steve obviously tried with all his might to pull himself together, the corners of his mouth twitching as if he was barely able to choke back a sob.

"Steve, where's Danny?" Chin asked gently after a long moment, exchanging a worried look with his cousin; never before had they seen their boss like that. "What happened to him?"

"He fell… I… I couldn't hold him..." Steve whispered, briefly raising his head to glance at his teammates and the look of utter anguish on his face caused Chin's heart to clench up in sympathy. "He's dead," McGarrett added soundlessly, pressing his lips together in one thin line as he dropped his gaze again.

"No," Kono blurted out, fiercely shaking her head. Tears were running down her cheeks and she impatiently shook off Chin's solacing hand from her forearm. "No," she said once more as she stepped closer to her boss. "That cannot be. Are you sure?"

"Do you think I'd have left him up there if he was still alive?" Steve retorted while his head snapped up and he glared at the young woman, surprising everyone with his angry outburst. "Do you think I didn't do everything I could to save him?" he growled, his eyes glistening dangerously but then the anger seemed to leave his system as fast as it had come. "He fell, Kono," Steve said, slowly shaking his head while his face contorted in grief and he started to cry. "He fell to his death right in front of Grace's eyes…"

"God, no, I'm sorry, Steve, I'm sorry. That's not what I meant," Kono exhaled, rushing forward to pull Steve into an awkward hug. The dark-haired man was still sitting on the running board of the car, so she crouched down slightly and placed one hand on the back of Steve's neck to press his head gently against her chest. "I'm so sorry," she repeated over and over again, weeping bitterly when his words finally sank in completely.

Remaining completely motionless for a long moment, Steve just sat there, stiff and rigid, before he finally allowed his emotions to wash over him and he sagged in her grip with a hoarse, hiccoughing sob.

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When Danny woke up again an undefined amount of time later, the first thing he noticed was that the air around him was noticeably cooler than before. After a long day outside he was used to the bright Hawaiian sun mercilessly beating down on him but now the soft breeze on his face and on his bare arms wasn't as pleasant as before, when it had cooled him down and dried the beads of sweat on his face. Feeling how the hairs on his arms slowly stood up, he would have loved to rub his hands across the skin to chase away the goose bumps but the mere thought of moving his battered limbs caused him to breathe out an exhausted little moan.

His whole body felt numb and heavy and he honestly wasn't sure if he would be able to move, even if he wanted to. Danny didn't know how long he was just lying there on his left side, shallowly breathing in and out to keep the overall pain at bay, but after a while he decided that he couldn't stay like that forever, that he had to muster enough energy to do something. Heaving a weary sigh he finally gathered the strength to have a try at the easiest task he could think of; sluggishly blinking his eyes open Danny grimaced in distress when the soft light of the early evening sent a spike of pain through his skull.

Stubbornly refusing to give in, he squinted into the orange lit sky, ignoring the tears that were dribbling from his eyes as he tried to fight back the nauseating headache. He needed an insanely long moment to calm down his erratic breathing and to realize that he was actually staring directly into the orange-blue sky despite the fact that he was lying on his side. Danny knew that there had to be solid ground beneath his body even if he couldn't see it, after all he wasn't one of those comic figures that froze mid-air for a ridiculously long time before they dropped down like a stone, and yet all he could see was the fancy colored sky and a few small clouds that lazily passed his field of view.

Slowly blinking a few times, Danny frowned in confusion while he licked his dry lips and tried to make sense of what he was seeing. He hesitantly let his gaze travel downwards and actually started to giggle hoarsely about the sight that greeted him, moaning weakly when that reaction caused his chest and abdomen to spasm painfully. Closing his eyes against the dizziness that suddenly hit him, Danny willed himself to stop the inappropriate outburst of laughter; realizing that he was lying only inches from a cliff's edge, with nothing but hundreds of feet of vertical rock face underneath him, should have made him scream and kick in panic but he blamed his absolute coolness on the fact that his concussed brain obviously didn't work properly.

Danny briefly giggled helplessly about the absurdness of his situation, still hoping that everything was a weird dream; he had absolutely no idea how he had ended up here, how he had managed to land on a narrow little ledge only inches away from falling to his certain death, and he certainly didn't intend to question that miracle, but he also knew for sure that one false move would definitely kill him.

It was funny how the human mind – concussed or not – was able to lead you to believe that something was true, because now that Danny knew about his precarious position he suddenly felt the gravity pulling at his body, threatening to send him over the edge, even if he hadn't moved a single muscle.

Cautiously and very slowly he raised his right arm, involuntarily crying out in pain when the movement sent a dull wave of agony through his chest. Wishing nothing more than to curl into a tiny ball to ride out that pain, Danny willed himself to lie still and control his breathing; briefly squeezing his eyes shut he heard the blood rushing in his ears, drowning out even his pitiful moans. As long as he lay still everything was alright, the ache was dulled to a bearable level, but as soon as he started to move his whole body exploded in fiery pain.

Firmly gritting his teeth Danny tried once more to move, panting heavily as he slowly wiggled backwards, away from the deadly edge. His heart was pounding loudly in his chest, cold sweat covered his skin and he nearly passed out again from the agony in his left arm, the nauseating pain occupying his whole mind; he sobbed in relief when he finally felt the reassuring wall of rock behind him and then, from one moment to the next, all energy fled his body, his eyelids drooped against his will and all the colors around him faded to gray.

 **(tbc)**


	8. Chapter 8

_Denial helps us to pace our feelings of grief.  
There is a grace in denial. It is nature's way of letting in only as much as we can handle._ _  
_ _(Elisabeth Kubler-Ross)_

 **Chapter 8:**

"Commander, can you please make a fist?"

Steve blinked in confusion when a soft, female voice reached his ears. Feeling a rather uncomfortable pressure around his left bicep he looked down and finally noticed that the chubby young paramedic was now crouching in front of him, her fingers curled around his wrist as she gently palpated his left arm.

"What?" he asked hoarsely, furrowing his brow when he noticed the catheter in her hand. So far he had only barely been aware of the young woman; he had apathetically allowed her to examine him, and he had absently answered her questions, not really sure what exactly she had wanted to know or what he had told her. Ever since his team had arrived, Steve had been glad about the additional support, glad that he no longer had to care for Grace on his own, glad that he could finally sink into his own grief. He had spent the last few minutes in a kind of trance, his mind completely numb and empty except for the picture of Danny's body crashing onto the rocks and the feeling of his partner's fingers, slowly but unstoppably slipping out of his own.

Licking his dry lips Steve inhaled deeply and briefly let his gaze travel around; he was still sitting on the running board of his truck, Kono and Chin still at his side and worriedly looking down at him. He tried to flash them a reassuring smile but he obviously failed miserably because the expression of sadness and concern on their faces increased, if that was even possible. Staring past them he saw Lou Grover sitting next to the gurney inside the ambulance not far away, his massive frame almost too big for the limited space. The big man was calmly talking to an older paramedic, now and then nodding slowly but never taking his attention from the little girl next to him on the gurney.

"Grace," Steve exhaled soundlessly before he pressed his lips together, feeling a sharp pang of sadness and regret when he thought about his adopted niece. The urge to be near Danny's daughter was suddenly almost overwhelming but before he was able to struggle to his feet the young paramedic started to talk again.

"Can you please make a fist?" the brunette woman repeated patiently but something in her voice told Steve that she had probably asked him that very same question a few times before. "I'm not too happy about your vital parameters," she explained slowly as she tapped her finger against a vein in his forearm. "You are a little shocky and I would like to hook you up to an IV. Just some fluids to stabilize your blood pressure." She grabbed an IV bag from the emergency case that was lying on the ground next to her and turned around toward Chin and Kono. "Would you hold that for a second, please?" the woman asked quietly, smiling gratefully when Kono instantly nodded and stepped closer to take the bag from her hands. "So, just make a fist for me, Commander," she instructed gently while she prepared the injection site with practiced ease, briefly looking up to meet Steve's gaze.

"I don't need this…" McGarrett replied brusquely without reacting to her request, instead he pulled his arm out of her grip while he sharply shook his head. He reached up with his right hand to remove the tourniquet around his bicep, grimacing in pain when his injured shoulder screamed in protest against the movement but he just continued with a little hiss and fumbled around with the blue elastic band until it finally snapped open. "I need to..." he continued but his voice trailed off into a hoarse groan when he laboriously pulled himself to his feet, reaching for the doorframe of the car to keep his balance.

"Commander McGarrett, please sit down," the paramedic said sternly, jumping to her feet and firmly grabbing Steve's upper arm to keep him upright when she watched him stumble against the car, favoring his right leg. "I just want to help you," she added a little more softly when she noticed his defensive posture.

"I'm fine," Steve growled through gritted teeth, weakly shaking off her hand. "I need to see Grace," he croaked out, briefly jerking his head toward the ambulance before he angrily stared down at her but the much smaller woman didn't relent but just pursed her lips and pensively clicked her tongue.

"I don't think that's such a good idea," she said, tentatively removing her grip around his arm but staying close to his side in case her patient needed her help. "You're injured and you can barely stand; I think it's really better if you sit back down."

"Steve, please," Chin interrupted the little dispute before it could get out of hand, soothingly placing a hand on Steve's forearm. He looked pleadingly at his boss for a moment before he turned his head toward the young woman. "Could you give us a minute?" Chin quietly asked the brunette paramedic, thanking her with a little smile when she took a deep breath and hesitantly stepped back.

"Steve, she's just doing her job, okay?" Chin said, wrapping his hand against Steve's elbow to help him stay upright. "Why don't you sit back down and let her help you?"

"I can't..." Steve whispered, swallowing dryly as he vigorously shook his head. "I need to make sure that Grace is okay," he said hoarsely, blinking away the wetness from his eyes. "I promised... I promised Danny to take care of her; I need to make sure she's alright..."

"Why don't you stay put, Boss, while I'll see how she's doing," Kono chimed in, briefly squeezing Steve's hand before she whirled around and jogged over to the ambulance. She was obviously glad to finally be able to do something and take her mind off the terrible things that had happened, if only briefly.

Still refusing to sit back down, Steve stubbornly remained standing while she was gone, his eyes closed as he heavily leaned against the car, only reluctantly accepting Chin's help. It took barely two minutes for Kono to return but the small amount of time was enough to wear Steve out completely and he tried his best to hide the trembling of his legs.

"No life-threatening injuries, just cuts and scrapes" Kono reported breathlessly, smiling reassuringly at her boss, although her brown eyes were dark with sadness and grief for their lost teammate. "She got an infusion to treat the first signs of shock but her vitals have apparently already improved, so there's no need to rush her to the hospital." Kono bent forward and once more grabbed Steve's hand. "Physically she will be fine, now you have to think about yourself, okay? Grace needs you healthy and strong," the young woman said, not voicing what everyone was thinking – that the little girl would probably never fully heal from her father's death. She squeezed Steve's hand while she absently ran her thumb across his knuckles. "Please, Steve, she needs you and she'll soon ask for you. But you cannot be there for her like this," Kono whispered while tears were running down her cheeks. "I mean, look at you…" she interrupted herself, helplessly shaking her head before she stretched out her free arm and reached for her cousin, pulling him nearer so that he could place his right hand on their already intertwined ones. "We've already lost a part of our Ohana today, but we are still here. Just let us help you," she said simply after a long moment of silence, weeping quietly as she stared down at their hands.

"You're right," Steve huskily admitted, briefly curling his fingers around hers before he wiggled his hand out of her grip and wearily scrubbed his face. "Grace needs me, she needs us, especially now while Rachel is not here."

"She's in England, right? Visiting family?" Chin recalled what Danny had told him only a few days ago, and he also remembered how happy Danny had been about the prospect of spending so much time alone with his daughter. "Do you want me to call her? And Amber?" Chin added quietly, but he already assumed that Steve would recline his offer.

"No," Steve whispered, slightly shaking his head as he closed his eyes. He visibly tried to pull himself together, squaring his shoulder as he took one deep breath after the other. As much as he wanted to pass the task to somebody else, he knew that he had to deliver the terrible news on his own; he owed Danny that much. "I'll do that," he said softly, his heart clenching painfully when he thought about all the calls he had to make. "And I'll talk to Danny's parents too."

Once more scrubbing his left hand across his face, Steve finally seemed to have made a decision and pushed himself off the truck, allowing Chin and Kono to support him while he laboriously walked toward the waiting ambulance; the young brunette paramedic followed them closely after she had hastily packed her equipment, not really happy about the fact that her patient was obviously barely able to walk on his own.

Slowly limping toward Grace, Steve tried to block out the pain that flared through his right calf every time he set his foot on the ground. The muscle no longer felt just cramped, the pain was much deeper, making it almost impossible to put weight on his right leg. Pressing his right arm against his body to limit the movement of his injured shoulder, McGarrett sighed inwardly when he thought about all the prodding and the examinations that would surely follow once he was in the hospital, but the thought left his mind as quickly as it had come. All that counted right now was Grace, and he would make sure that she didn't have to stay alone a single second; he would make sure that the little girl would be alright and cared for, even if it meant he had to neglect his own needs. He would willingly put his health and even his life on the line for Danny's daughter and he would shove his own grief to the depths of his mind, burying it as deeply as possible, if it just helped her to overcome her loss.

Thinking about his partner, Steve suddenly stopped dead in his tracks; it was like a giant weight was crashing down on him and he even sagged a little bit in Chin's and Kono's grip, unable to take another step.

"Steve, you alright?" Chin asked worriedly, reinforcing his grip around the taller man's elbow. "Come on, only a few more steps then you can sit down," he encouraged, narrowing his eyes when Steve slowly shook his head.

"I can't," Steve whispered, turning his head to throw a pained look at the mountain behind him. The red-brown rocks had taken on a bright orange shade, almost glowing in the early evening sun; it was a warm, inviting sight and yet Steve suddenly began to shiver. He knew that Grace needed him but the thought of leaving Danny behind was almost unbearable. "I don't know what to do," Steve said hoarsely without averting his eyes from the mountain. "I need to be with Grace but I cannot leave Danny here..." His voice trailed off and he rapidly blinked a few times before he finally took a deep, shuddering breath and dropped his head. "I just cannot leave him here. I have to go back and look for Danny's..." Steve interrupted himself and clenched his jaw; he just couldn't bring himself to say the word 'body' so he awkwardly cleared his throat and finished his sentence in a low whisper, "... for Danny."

"Steve, it's going to be dark in about half an hour," Chin said softly, exchanging a brief look with his cousin; they both knew the place Steve had described to them earlier. They had been there several times when they were still children and Chin had even tried to climb the exact same cliff Danny had fallen from with a few friends when he had been younger. The cousins also knew that without proper equipment it would be almost impossible to reach and recover Danny's body. "There's nothing we can do for Danny today," Chin continued sympathetically, gently squeezing Steve's arm.

"But I need to bring him back," Steve replied hoarsely, finally turning around to meet Chin's gaze. "I just can't leave him here."

"I know, Steve, I know," the older man replied helplessly, his face contorting in grief for their fallen friend. "And I promise we will get back and find Danny, okay? But not tonight, Steve. You know that it's too dangerous to go up there by night."

"We'll go and look for him first thing in the morning," Kono chimed in, wiping the tears from her eyes with a trembling hand. She heaved a deep sigh which almost sounded like a sob but then she resolutely pressed her lips together and gently pushed Steve toward the ambulance. "Chin and I will stay back while Lou accompanies you to the hospital. We'll make sure that everything is prepared so that we can start looking for Danny as soon as it gets light." She turned around and pulled Steve into a gentle embrace, mindful not to hurt him despite his many injuries, "You just take care of yourself and Grace." Kono kept her arms wrapped around the dark-haired man, worriedly furrowing her brow when she felt the constant trembling of his muscles underneath her hands. "We will find him," she promised in a low whisper, ending the hug and slightly stepping back so that she could lock eyes with her boss. "We will bring Danny back to his Ohana."

 **(tbc)**

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Back to Danny in the next chapter…


	9. Chapter 9

Thank you so much for all your amazing reviews, they really made my day.

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 _No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear._ _  
_ _(C. S. Lewis)_

 **Chapter 9:**

Blinking sluggishly, Danny stared into the gray blue sky without really seeing anything. It wasn't completely dark and yet Danny felt like he was surrounded by light-tight walls that only allowed a minimum of color to filter through or like a thick veil was covering his eyes.

He shivered uncontrollably in the cool breeze of the early evening, the unconscious movement sending spikes of pain through his battered body and causing him to slowly return back to full awareness. Breathing fast and shallowly Danny could feel how his heart was frantically beating in his chest, uncomfortably pounding against his ribcage.

Finally noticing how incredibly thirsty he was Danny tried to lick his cracked lips but he involuntarily furrowed his brow when his tongue remained stubbornly glued to the roof of his mouth; he moaned weakly as he tried to swallow past the scratchiness in his throat.

Heaving a pained little sigh he briefly closed his eyes, wishing nothing more than a sip of water to wet his lips and then he almost laughed out in relief when he felt the pressure against his spine and realized that he was obviously still wearing Steve's backpack; with a little bit of luck one of the bottles of water that had been left over from their picnic might still be intact. Until now Danny hadn't really thought about what had happened, about what had brought him to his current situation but now the memories slowly came back. The frown on his forehead deepened when thoughts about Grace and Steve, brief flashes of the two of them, laughing and happy, filled his mind, but his concussed brain was too messed up to really hold on to those pictures and so Danny just gave up and turned his attention back to the here and now. He could sort out later what exactly had happened.

Cautiously raising his right arm he tightly squeezed his eyes shut and fought back the pain that the little movement caused, slowly reaching behind and above him until his fingers touched the rough wall of rock. Biting his lips he groped around until his hand finally found a narrow cleft he could dig his fingers into and he briefly stopped to gather his strength, unconsciously holding his breath as he laboriously pulled himself upwards into a half sitting position.

Instinctively using his left arm to support his weight, Danny cried out in agony when white-hot pain spread all the way from his wrist up to his elbow and he literally felt the crunching of bones in his lower arm. Puffing out his breath in strained little sobs, he leaned his head against the rocks until the dizziness and pain finally retreated to a halfway bearable level. Still panting heavily Danny cautiously opened his eyes and looked down, uttering a pained moan when his gaze fell on his arm and he noticed for the first time the many bloody scrapes and cuts on his skin and the weird, unnatural angle in the middle of his forearm.

Instantly closing his eyes again, he tried with all his might to keep the bout of nausea at bay, swallowing convulsively against the bile that rose in his throat. Danny's whole body was shaking from shock, pain and fatigue and he had no idea how long he had just been sitting there, awkwardly leaning against the cool wall of rock with his eyes closed, trying to bring his breathing back under control.

The blood was loudly rushing in his ears and he felt so dizzy and nauseous that he just wanted to lie back down and sleep, but the incredible thirst he had briefly forgotten about was slowly returning, getting stronger with every passing moment until it bothered him so much that Danny finally reluctantly peeled his eyes open. Rapidly blinking a few times in an attempt to get rid of the dizziness he slowly breathed in and out through his nose as deeply as possible and raised his right arm to scrub a visibly shaking hand over his face.

Thinking about his next steps, Danny sighed exhaustedly; he had absolutely no idea how he would be able to unshoulder the backpack when every tiny movement of his body and especially his left arm hurt like hell. He had somehow managed to maneuver said arm in front of his body where it was now limply resting in his lap and as long as he didn't stir it the pain was surprisingly not too bad, but Danny also knew that he definitely had to move the arm again if he ever wanted to take off the backpack.

Raising his head, Danny threw a first real look at his surroundings since he had sat up and he almost wished he hadn't; his breath caught in his throat and his heart literally stopped for a moment before it restarted beating even faster than before. Despite the rapidly approaching dusk he was able to clearly make out the naked wall of rocks left and right of his position and the gaping abyss in front of him and he involuntarily wiggled backwards as far and as fast as possible and firmly pressed his aching body against the rocks.

Danny was sitting on a narrow ledge which protruded from the wall of rock like a nice little balcony on one of those huge hotel buildings at Waikiki Beach; the small rock spur was only a few feet wide, providing just enough space for him to lie on it full length. Looking left and right, he noticed that the wall of rocks was practically vertically inclined and he absolutely didn't know how he had managed to land here of all places, why he hadn't fallen down all the way to the ground at least another hundred feet below his current position. It was either a miracle or – for once in his life – he maybe had just been damn lucky.

Danny huffed out a hoarse, sarcastic laughter; if this was luck, sitting alone in the middle of a huge wall of rock, with broken bones and God knows what other injuries, he didn't want to know what would happen when his luck was running out. The helpless laughter involuntarily turned into a frightened moan when Danny realized that he most probably had to spend the night here on his little retreat, because he knew for sure that no one would be looking for him during the next several hours, certainly not before it got light again.

Until now he hadn't really thought about what had happened, about what had brought him to his current situation but now all the memories came back with a vengeance. Memories of Grace screaming and crying and kicking in panic while she dangled from Steve's hand above the abyss, the haunted and pained expression on Steve's face when he realized that he just wasn't able to save both, Danny and Grace, and finally his own mortal fear and then the calmness, the resolution that he would give up everything for his little girl.

The moment when he had let go of Steve's hand was playing back in his head over and over again, the final look of utter horror his friend had thrown him and Grace's tear-streaked face forever ingrained in his mind. Danny groaned loudly, his face contorting in stress when the painful memory of how his body had crashed onto the hard rock made its way the surface. He had no idea what had happened after he had lost consciousness or how much further he had fallen down and when he cautiously raised his head and looked up he couldn't see anything that resembled the cliff he had tumbled from.

Maybe nobody would show up at all to look for him because the chances that he had survived such a fall were almost non-existent; that thought suddenly crossed Danny's mind and despite the pain that racked his body he sat up straighter and stared wide-eyed into the dim evening light. He hoped that, just for once Steve had listened to him and had made sure that Grace was safe, but what if he hadn't? What if something had happened to them and they had never made it safely back to the top?

Danny's breathing involuntarily quickened when his concussed mind started to play tricks on him, showing him with cruel clarity that Grace and Steve had also fallen, and finally a gut-wrenching sob tore itself from Danny's throat when he thought about his daughter's and his best friend's fate. He had absolutely no proof that they were alright and safe, for all he knew they could have fallen too and he just couldn't stand that thought. The image of their bodies lying mutilated and squashed at the foot of the mountain caused him to curl in fear and grief and Danny wasn't able to find another way out of his misery than pressing his broken left arm against his abdomen until the pain was so overwhelming that he forgot about everything else.

* * *

With heavy heart and with the help of Chin, Kono and the young paramedic, Steve finally relented and stumbled into the ambulance, groaning in pain when the movement jostled his injured shoulder. With Grover and the second paramedic already gathered around Grace's gurney, the space inside the vehicle was pretty limited but Steve didn't care or simply didn't realize how crowded it was. Without a word he dropped down onto the offered seat next to Lou, grudgingly allowing the paramedic to finish her work and place an IV line while he exhaustedly leaned his head back and absently stared at the opposite wall. Steve knew that Grace needed him but he didn't dare to look down at his adopted niece yet, afraid of what he might see in her dark brown eyes.

Heaving a weary sigh, he suddenly struggled to keep his eyes open; the weight of what had happened was crushing him, firmly pressing down at him so that he was almost unable to move a muscle. Steve noticed absently that Lou was briefly leaving the ambulance to talk to Chin and Kono; he couldn't hear what they were saying but their hushed voices actually provided a comforting and somewhat familiar background noise that helped a little bit to ease some of the tension that had built up inside him during the last few hours.

Only a short moment later the vehicle rocked gently when the big man climbed back in and returned to his seat next to Steve, nodding once at the young paramedic who was just securing the IV line to Steve's left arm. "We're ready to go," Lou said quietly, his dark voice causing Steve to finally tear his gaze from the bright white wall.

Blinking sluggishly McGarrett watched how the brunette woman hopped out of the ambulance and he briefly furrowed his brow in confusion until he belatedly realized that someone had to be behind the wheel in order to drive them back to Honolulu. Her older colleague stayed silently at Grace's side, constantly checking her vitals and making sure the little girl was resting as comfortable as possible. The last thing Steve saw before the doors of the ambulance were closed was his teammates, the cousins standing shoulder to shoulder with Chin's arm protectively wrapped around Kono's slender body, and the expression of sympathy and sadness on their faces only added to his own grief, deepening the black hole in his heart even further.

He was feeling so sad, so completely empty, so lost in his grief that he was almost paralyzed, but most of all Steve was scared. Scared of the prospect of having to talk to Grace, to Danny's parents, to Amber. Scared of a life without his partner, without Danny ranting at him when he drove the Camaro, without his best friend, his brother at his side. Scared of how he would be able to go on, to live with the guilt, to live with the knowledge that Danny had fallen right before his eyes and he had done nothing to prevent his death.

Briefly closing his eyes to shut out the overwhelming onslaught of emotions Steve sadly shook his head; now was not the time to break down, he had to be strong for Grace. He hadn't been there for Danny when he had needed him so the least he could do was taking care of his little girl. Trying to pull himself together, Steve took a deep breath and ran his left hand over his mouth and chin, grimacing slightly when the movement pulled at the IV line in his arm.

Bending forward a little bit McGarrett reluctantly opened his eyes again and finally looked down at the gurney, almost shivering in relief when he noticed that Grace's eyes were closed. Puffing out the air with an awkward little sound he reached out, gently placing his left hand on her smaller one, thankful that he wouldn't have to talk to her right now, that he wouldn't see the bottomless grief in her big brown eyes.

"She's sleeping," Lou explained softly, his usually rumbling voice barely audible over the engine noise of the ambulance. "She'll be alright, don't worry," he added, obviously misinterpreting Steve's reaction.

Having no intention to correct his teammate, Steve just nodded slightly, cautiously squeezing Grace's hand. He pressed his lips together and frowned angrily when he took in her appearance, noticing for the first time the many scrapes and bruises that covered her bare skin, completely unaware of the fact that his own arms looked a thousand times worse. Squinting when he noticed a particularly nasty bruise around her upper arm, Steve almost shrank back in horror when he realized where those marks were coming from.

Ignoring the pain that flared through his shoulder he raised his right arm and pressed his fist against his mouth, trying with all his might to choke back the hoarse sob that was building up in his chest. It didn't matter that he had tried to protect the little girl; he was the reason that she was hurt, his own fingers had caused those bruises and he just couldn't stand that thought.

"Hey, you alright?" Lou asked worriedly, cautiously placing a hand on Steve's uninjured shoulder. The older man seemed to be at a loss for words and so he just sat there at Steve's side, providing silent support by gently massaging the other man's neck. "Do you want to talk about what happened?" he finally asked tentatively, not really surprised when he saw Steve shaking his head.

"No," the Ex-SEAL replied hoarsely, never averting his gaze from his adopted niece. "Later," Steve finally added in a husky whisper. He knew that he owed his team a detailed description but he would tell them all together, for the simple reason that he just wasn't strong enough to talk about the horrible events more often than necessary.

"Sure, man. Take all the time you need..." Grover said understandingly, his voice trailing off as he looked at Steve's hunched figure and for the rest of the trip the humming of the ambulance was the only sound that filled the air. Time was supposed to heal all wounds but Danny's death was a terrible blow and Lou just wasn't sure if Steve and Grace would ever be able to overcome that tragic loss.

 **(tbc)**


	10. Chapter 10

Thank you so, so much for all your fantastic reviews, I really love hearing from you!

* * *

 **Chapter 10:**

 _Grief can't be shared. Everyone carries it alone. His own burden in his own way.  
(Anne Morrow Lindbergh)_

Danny was breathing fast and shallowly, his face contorted with pain, his body still awkwardly slouched against the hard, cold wall of rock. He was still forcefully pressing his broken left arm against his stomach but after the first wave of white-hot agony the pain had surprisingly decreased to a level where it wasn't strong enough to make him lose consciousness but way too uncomfortable to simply ignore it.

He didn't know how much time had passed but finally Danny sighed forlornly and slowly opened his eyes. Staring into the dark blue nighttime sky without really seeing anything, he tried to gather his thoughts; he knew he couldn't just sit like that forever, he needed to do something. On the one hand he wished nothing more than to just pass out again, to be able to forget his dire situation and his worries about Grace and Steve, to sink back into the warm, dark abyss of pain-free unconsciousness. But on the other hand he didn't want to sleep, for the single reason that he was too afraid he would never wake up again.

Deep inside Danny knew that something was sincerely wrong, that he was hurt more seriously than it was visible at first sight. The broken arm, the blinding headache from the concussion, the many cuts and scrapes, those were injuries he could deal with. But the incredible thirst, the way he could feel his heart rapidly beating against his bruised and probably broken ribs in a weak staccato, the dull pressure in his abdomen when he moved ever so slightly, the overall feeling of frailness; all that scared him to no end. Danny's whole body was trembling, his hands and feet freezing cold and he could feel how the numb iciness was slowly creeping up his limbs. Shivering from pain and cold, he tightly furrowed his brow as he tried to get rid of the feeling of utter fear and helplessness.

The half-moon was bathing the night in a soft, soothing light and after a few blinks Danny's eyes had adjusted so that he was able to take in his surroundings. Looking down at his bare arms he needed a long moment until he finally realized that a simple T-shirt – let alone a tattered one – was obviously barely suitable to keep him warm; yet another reason to finally jump into action and see what his crazy partner had stowed away inside his backpack.

Sighing wearily Danny sat up a little straighter and immediately wheezed in shock when the small movement sent an incredible wave of pain through his whole body. Forcefully biting his lower lip he couldn't prevent the pitiful whimper that left his throat and he felt hot tears running down his cheeks. Fighting against the new onslaught of nausea Danny swallowed convulsively; the blood was rushing loudly in his ears and his heart was beating so fast that he could literally feel it moving in his chest, uncomfortably pounding against his ribcage. Drawing in the air in fast, shallow gasps Danny suddenly had the feeling that he was suffocating, that he wasn't able to get enough oxygen into his lungs, and for a moment he simply panicked.

It was like one of the panic attacks he had when he was inside a narrow room for too long, with no possibility of getting out of that confined space; a huge, dark hand that grabbed his whole being and slowly but surely deprived him of the capability to breathe or to think straight. Desperately shaking his head to get rid of the choking grip, Danny wasn't aware that he was mumbling, incoherent scraps of words mixed with low, pained moans that floated away unheard into the Hawaiian night. The world around him was spinning faster and faster, the nausea and dizziness almost overwhelming, and the only thing that counted now was the next strained breath of air.

He didn't know what exactly it was that made him finally snap out of that vicious cycle of hyperventilating and panicking; maybe the faraway cry of a lonely bird, maybe a gust of wind that tousled his sweat- and blood-soaked hair, maybe a thought of Grace, but very slowly it became a little easier to breathe and the dizziness decreased to a more bearable level.

Despite the darkness, Danny squinted his eyes against the dim light of the moon, the blinding headache making it difficult to think about his next steps. Taking in a deep, shuddering breath, he projected an image of his daughter in front of his inner eye and tried to fight off all the pain and fear to the best of his abilities. He just had to pull himself together and do everything in his power to get back to his little girl; he knew he would never forgive himself if he didn't at least try to get home, to Grace, to Steve, to his family, to his Ohana.

And without really thinking about his movements, Danny sat up straighter again, slowly raised a trembling right hand and started to fumble with the buckles of the shoulder straps.

* * *

Lou Grover had breathed out a relieved sigh when the ambulance had finally stopped in front of the hospital. He had ceased his attempts of making conversation long ago when Steve hadn't reacted to any of his words and to be honest he hadn't really known what to say anyways. Steve's best friend, Grace's beloved father, had just died in front of their eyes – there was absolutely nothing to say, nothing to make this horrible tragedy less painful or even forgotten. So the big man had just sat there by Steve's side, trying to provide silent support to the best of his abilities, only now and then exchanging a few hushed words with the middle-aged paramedic who had regularly checked Grace's vital parameters.

But now he creased his forehead into a worried frown when he watched his boss, who stubbornly refused to get treated himself. He could see that Steve was exhausted and in pain but being a father himself Lou could also understand the other man's desperate wish to be with his niece and put her needs before his own.

Averting his eyes from the dark-haired man, Grover looked over to the little girl on the bed and sighed heavily, his dark eyes glistening with sympathy. Grace would be fine, physically at least. The nurses had neatly treated the many cuts and scrapes on her arms and face, and apart from the massive bruise on her upper arm she miraculously hadn't sustained any other injuries. But while she had been asleep in the ambulance, probably exhausted from the day-long hike as well as from the horrendous events she had to go through, Grace had woken up inside the ER, the exact moment when Steve had been forced to leave her side to give the medical personnel some space to work on her. It was needless to say that – despite his own injuries – Steve had fought tooth and nail to get back to the little girl immediately. Grace had shown an odd mixture of apathy and agitation ever since, not speaking a single word, no matter what question she had been asked, and not even answering to Steve's gentle prodding. But on the other hand she had gotten extremely agitated the few times when her adopted uncle had briefly stepped out of her sight, moaning and thrashing around so that the doctors had finally been forced to give her a light sedative to calm her down.

Grace was sleeping fitfully now, her face contorting every now and then in an obviously painful memory, her hands restlessly moving across the white bed sheets, her breath hitching as if she was trying to choke back a sob, but at least she was sleeping. The doctors wanted her to get as much rest as possible so that her body was able to heal properly before she would be forced to face the cruelty of the situation. It was never easy for a child her age to lose a parent, but actually watching her father die was something that would be nearly impossible to deal with.

"Doctor... Connors," Steve said hoarsely after a brief look at the doctor's name tag, quickly raising his gaze again to threateningly stare up at the young, blond man. "I'm telling you one last time, I won't leave her side," he growled lowly from his place where he had slumped down next to Grace's bed. Sitting up a little straighter when he noticed the defiant look on the other man's face, Steve narrowed his eyes and flashed him a derisive, humorless little grin. "You can try to make me leave but I doubt very much that you would be very successful."

Pushing his own pain to the deepest corner of his being Steve heaved himself to his feet, gritting his teeth when the simple movement sent a wave of dizziness through his system. "That little girl," he said very slowly, jerking his head toward Danny's daughter while he unconsciously grabbed the metallic bedrail to keep his balance. "She just lost her father, she had to watch him die," Steve explained pointedly, his voice cold as ice and slightly cracking at the end of the sentence. Awkwardly clearing his throat when his emotions tried to overwhelm him, the Ex-SEAL pressed his lips together and angrily glared down at the young doctor who had just tried to separate him from his adopted niece.

Pressing his right arm against his abdomen Steve wasn't able to contain a hoarse groan when he shifted his weight and accidentally moved his injured right leg. "I'm good," he growled immediately when he felt Lou worriedly stepping closer, waving his teammate off with a short shake of his head without averting his attention from the man in front of him. His eyes glistened dangerously and when he started to speak again his voice was slightly shaking with pain but also with an unwavering determination. "Do whatever you need to do, hook me up to another of your damn IVs, treat those blasted injuries, but do it here, because I won't leave her side, do you understand me?"

Tightening his grip around the bedrail, McGarrett stared at Doctor Connors without even blinking until the smaller man finally pursed his lips in defeat and nodded reluctantly. Steve's gaze and his whole posture softened a little bit when he averted his eyes and looked back down at the little girl in the bed.

Wearily scrubbing a shaking hand over his face, Steve watched Grace's restless sleep for a long moment before he heavily dropped down into the chair he had already occupied earlier, only listening with half an ear to the conversation behind him. He gently stroked Grace's dark, messy hair and tried to comb her brown strands with his fingers, smiling sadly when he carefully removed one of her pink scrunchies and placed it neatly onto the night stand for her to find it later.

He knew that Grover and the doctor were talking about him and he also knew that sooner or later he had to allow the medics to examine him properly but at the moment he just wasn't willing to leave Grace's side. Steve could feel that his shoulder was seriously damaged and the pain that radiated down his arm with even the slightest movement he was making was getting worse with every passing minute.

But how could he let the doctors treat his injuries when Grace was lying here, hurting and mourning for her Dad? How could he accept help when Danny was dead, his body lying somewhere at the foot of that mountain, broken, shattered and completely alone?

Jolting out of his reverie when he felt Grover's big heavy hand on his uninjured shoulder, Steve sighed exhaustedly, stealing himself for whatever his friend wanted from him. Swallowing drily he slightly turned his head and briefly locked eyes with his teammate before he turned his attention back to Grace. "What?" he asked, clipped, grimacing when he noticed how hoarse and broken his own voice was sounding.

"Steve, you have to take care of yourself," Lou said, gently squeezing the younger man's shoulder. "You have to allow them to examine and treat you properly. I can tell that you're in pain, and you don't want to risk lasting damage to your shoulder or your leg, do you?"

Tiredly closing his eyes, Steve almost shrugged his shoulders before he remembered at the last moment how much such a movement would probably hurt; right now he honestly didn't care what happened to himself but on the other hand he was much too exhausted to argue with his friend. Fighting back the sudden thought that it was usually Danny who was giving him such a speech, Steve felt how the icy grip of loss tightened around his heart and the realization that he would never hear one of Danny's infamous rants ever again threatened to crush him. Taking a deep, shuddering breath, Steve once more scrubbed his left hand over his face as he tried to concentrate on Grover's next words.

"I'm staying with Grace until you're back and I promise that I'll do everything in my power to make sure that they will let you stay afterwards as long as you want to," Lou said solemnly, never removing his hand from Steve's shoulder.

"Steve? Did you hear me?" Grover asked after a moment of silence when Steve was just sitting there without showing any reaction that he had heard the older man's words. "You have to allow the doctors to find out what's wrong with you. If not for yourself, than do it for Grace, so you can be there for here when she wakes up," Lou tried to reason, giving Steve's shoulder one final squeeze before he reluctantly stepped back a little bit. "She needs you and I'm sure that Danny also wouldn't have wanted…"

Interrupting himself mid-sentence, Grover actually shrank back when Steve jumped up from his chair in a surprisingly swift move and glared at him angrily.

"Danny's dead," Steve snarled, staring coldly at the bigger man for a long moment before he snapped his mouth shut and pressed his lips together in a thin line. Squeezing his eyes shut his face contorted briefly in grief and pain and he heavily leaned against Grace's bed when his legs suddenly started to give way. Raising his trembling left hand Steve pinched the bridge of his nose and tried to fight back the sudden bout of nausea.

"I'm sorry," he whispered hoarsely after a while, slowly shaking his head when the gravity of the situation hit him once again. "I didn't mean to…" he continued haltingly, never finishing his sentence. It didn't matter anymore what Danny would have wanted; his partner, his best friend, his brother was dead and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it.

* * *

More angst next week... I hope you'll be back for the next chapter.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11:**

 _Grief is not as heavy as guilt, but it takes more away from you.  
_ _Veronica Roth, Insurgent_

"Commander McGarrett, please don't move," the nurse reprimanded him again, her voice still gentle but Steve briefly thought that he could also hear a hint of annoyance.

"Sorry," he murmured indifferently, hoping with all his might that he got those damned examinations over and done with as quickly as possible.

But X-ray examinations and CAT scans not only required time but also the need to lie absolutely still, and not being able to do anything with his body, Steve's mind was free to run wildly, playing back the past, horrible events. No matter if he closed his eyes or blindly stared up at the concave, light gray walls of the scanner, all he was seeing was Danny… falling… begging him to save Grace… slipping through his fingers… dying.

Steve tried with all his might not to think about what had happened but he just couldn't prevent his thoughts from traveling back, showing him over and over again with cruel clarity the moment when Danny's body had fallen, crashed on the rocky ledge and disappeared from his sight.

Emotions rolled over him in dark, crushing waves, burning a gaping hole in his heart and he unconsciously squeezed his eyes shut. Maybe that little movement was too much or maybe he also had twitched involuntarily, because the nurse reminded him again that he had to lie absolutely still. This time he didn't even bother about giving an answer, willing his shaken mind to keep silent until the examination was over.

He didn't really listen when the doctor finally told him about his injuries, only lethargically shrugging his good shoulder and slightly nodding his head at the doctor's words to show him that he had understood. The ruptured muscle in his right calf was painful but with time, a good amount of ice, resting and physical therapy it would heal on its own. The torn ligaments in his right shoulder might require surgery later, a suggestion that Steve naturally refused point-blank. He didn't care that the doctor strongly advised against a nonoperative treatment, listing the benefits of a surgery at least three times on their way back to Grace's room.

Blocking out the doctor's voice to the best of his abilities, Steve heaved a weak sigh and wearily closed his eyes while he slouched deeper into the wheelchair. All he wanted right now was to go back to Grace's side as fast as possible, to be there for her when she would finally wake up; nothing else mattered right now. He had no idea how he would be able to deal with her emotions, with the questions she would certainly ask, and suddenly the sheer impossibility of this task hit him with an intensity that made him groan in agony. Gritting his teeth to choke back the unbidden sound, Steve clenched and unclenched his fists in his lap, tensing every single muscle in his body until it physically hurt.

How on earth could he help the little girl if he wasn't sure about his own feelings? Steve didn't know what exactly he was feeling right now. Of course he was sad, his grief so dark and heavy that it dimmed everything around him; the world had suddenly lost all its color, and all the sounds had mingled into a dull humming noise. But next to the immense sadness there was a black spot of guilt inside his heart, growing stronger whenever he thought back about what had happened. If he just hadn't brought Danny and Grace to that damned mountain in the first place, then his best friend, his brother would still be alive. Or if he hadn't insisted on taking that other route back to the parking lot, Danny would never have fallen down that cliff.

And underneath all the grief and guilt, yet another emotion threatened to surface, bubbling up from the depths of his mind like lava from one of the many tubes of the Kīlauea. Steve felt angry, angry at himself that he hadn't been stronger, angry at Danny that he had just let go, angry at the Fates who had played their sick little game, first letting him reach his friend just in time only to lose him minutes later in the cruelest way you could think of.

Squeezing his eyes shut, Steve grimaced in pain and dropped his head to his chest when they finally approached the door to Grace's room. Taking a few deep, shuddering breaths he tried with all his might to fight back his emotions, to regain his composure before he had to face his adopted niece. He had to be strong for her, he had to fight back his own pain and grief so that he was able to give her all the comfort and love she needed right now.

Steve impatiently waved off the doctor who had stopped right in front of the door to Grace's room and reasoned once more with him to allow the surgery for his shoulder, barely suppressing a sigh of relief when the younger man finally gave in.

"I strongly recommend that you reconsider your decision, Commander McGarrett," the doctor said with an annoyed shake of his head when he saw the look of defiance on Steve's face but his posture immediately changed when the injured man moved in his wheelchair and unconsciously gave a wince of pain. "Let's talk about this again later," he softened his tone, flashing Steve a sympathetic smile while he placed a comforting hand on his uninjured shoulder. "I spoke to your teammate earlier," the doctor explained, briefly pressing his lips together when he thought back to that rather uncomfortable encounter. "Captain Grover can be quite convincing, you know?" He paused to gather his thoughts, heaving a weak sigh before he continued his little speech. "I need you to understand that it is completely against all hospital rules, but given the circumstances we think that it is the best for you and especially for your niece," the young man said, slightly emphasizing the last word so that Steve finally looked up; the hospital staff was obviously willing to ignore the fact that Steve wasn't Grace's biological uncle, allowing the two to share a room. "I already ordered a second bed for you. I'll also send a nurse to treat your injuries and give you something for the pain," the doctor added, giving Steve's shoulder another gentle squeeze before he removed his hand and opened the door to wheel Steve in. "Just do me a favor, okay? You're not helping your little girl if you overstrain yourself. Please don't forget that you need rest too."

There was another long moment of silence before McGarrett finally cleared his throat and nodded solemnly. "I will. Thank you," he whispered hoarsely, trying to flash the doctor a genuine little smile. He really appreciated the newest development and he also made a mental note to thank Lou, knowing that the man had probably moved heaven and earth to make it possible that he and Grace could stay together.

* * *

His movements were sluggish and almost apathetic, but Danny had finally managed somehow to widen the shoulder straps of the backpack enough to maneuver his right arm through the opening. Bending forward so that the backpack could slide from his back and to his left side, Danny winced in pain when the movement increased the dull ache in his abdomen. His heart was still beating much too fast but it was no longer pounding firmly against his ribcage; the feeling of constant drumming was replaced by a weak flutter, like the wings of a butterfly that were flapping against his ribs. He had given up the attempt of slowing down his breathing, just drawing in the air in fast, shallow gasps through his mouth, his cracked lips slightly parted.

The dizziness from before had returned and together with the splitting headache it was almost impossible to think straight. Every once in a while Danny caught himself staring into nothingness, pausing whatever he had been doing, and for a long moment he just didn't know where he was or what had happened. But then the overall pain in his body helped to bring him back to the here and now and after running his shaking right hand over his face he was able to return his attention to the task at hand.

Those short episodes terrified him to no end and added to his utter feeling of despair and helplessness. Deep inside he was convinced that he would never make it out of here, that he would certainly die on this damned mountain, alone and scared, and yet he wasn't ready to give up.

Danny was trembling from head to toe, his limbs so cold that he was barely able to move his fingers, but he just tried to ignore the numbness and go on. His whole world had shrunken to one simple task – remove the backpack and see what was inside. So far he had been able to fumble with the backpack without jolting his broken left arm too much but he knew he soon had to move it to completely unshoulder the backpack.

Cautiously raising his left arm Danny hoarsely cried out when he felt the broken bones shift against each other. Jerking his head backwards against the hard wall of rock he squeezed his eyes shut to ride out the pain; holding his breath he bit down on his lower lip hard enough to draw blood, but he never stopped in his task and after what seemed to be an eternity he had finally managed to move his arm out of the shoulder strap.

Without the support the abandoned backpack slowly toppled over backwards and came to a rest just outside of Danny's reach. Placing his broken arm back in his lap as gently as possible, Danny puffed out the air in a strangled sob; keeping his eyes closed he breathed heavily in and out until the pain finally dulled enough so that he dared to try another move.

Blinking his eyes open, Danny needed a long moment until he was able to recognize his surroundings in the pale moonlight but then his frantically bumping heart almost skipped a beat when he realized how close the backpack was lying to the edge of the ledge he was on. Shaking his head he felt the familiar pang of panic building up his chest. "No," Danny whimpered in desperation as he stretched out his trembling right arm. That couldn't happen; he just couldn't allow the backpack to fall over the cliff after all the trouble he had gone through to remove it.

* * *

"How's she doing?" Steve asked in a hoarse whisper as soon as he had laboriously sat down at the edge of Grace's bed where Lou Grover had just made space for him. As could only be expected, the man had kept his word and had stayed at Grace's side while Steve had undergone his medical examinations.

Without looking at the bigger man, Steve leaned a little bit forward when he noticed that Grace was still twitching now and then in her sleep, gently running his left hand across her forearm. After only a short while Danny's daughter seemed to calm down a little bit, her breathing getting slower and deeper, her movements becoming less and less.

Until now Steve had been torn between staying with Grace and leaving the hospital to search for Danny despite his own injuries, but after one glance at the little girl he knew what he had to do. As much as it hurt to know that Danny's body was still out there, alone and broken in the dark, he just had to stay with Grace, he had to make sure she was alright and Steve knew without doubt that Danny expected him to do exactly that.

"She slept the whole time," Lou answered Steve's question in a low murmur, relieved to see that Grace had finally calmed down. Her sleep had been extremely fitful and every once in a while a lonely tear had run down her cheek and even if Lou had been able to soothe her a little bit, Steve's presence seemed to work wonders. "Dr. Connors said, she'll probably wake up in the next one or two hours. She can leave the hospital tomorrow, there's no need for her to stay another night," he explained quietly, while he let his gaze travel across Steve's body to find out how his boss was doing. Worriedly pursing his lips when he noticed Steve's hunched posture and the dark circles underneath his eyes, Grover took a deep breath. "What about you? How are you doing?" he whispered, leaving it open for Steve to understand the question one way or the other.

"Then I'll leave with her," Steve said without really answering Lou's question. "She's staying with me until Rachel comes back from England and decides where she will live…" His voice trailed off when a sudden wave of grief and loss rolled over him; the real fear that Rachel might decide to take Grace away from Hawaii pierced through his heart. He couldn't stand the thought of not having her around any longer, especially so soon after he had already lost Danny.

Narrowing his eyes, Lou decided not to comment on Steve's statement, he certainly knew better than to discuss his boss' decision right now, but in his opinion the younger man was far from good and certainly needed quite a few days to recover from his own injuries. To be honest, the Ex-SEAL looked like he was ready to collapse any second, so Grover was more than glad that only a moment later two nurses appeared and started without further discussion to calmly and expertly treat Steve's many wounds.

To Lou's immense surprise Steve didn't protest against any of the treatment, the only thing he refused to do was to lie down in his own bed. Stubbornly remaining seated at Grace's side, he only broke the physical contact with her when it was absolutely necessary, and not even half an hour later all the cuts and scrapes on his arms and face had been cleaned, a new IV line had been inserted and his right arm had been placed in a dark blue sling to immobilize his damaged shoulder. Before they left the room again, one of the nurses placed a few cold packs on the nightstand and advised Steve to elevate his right leg and cool the torn muscle even if the injury was quite a few hours old and a huge bruise and swelling had already started to develop.

Steve had no idea how long he just sat there, blearily staring down at the dark-haired girl and gently running his hand across her forearm over and over again. He was beyond tired and whatever it was the doctor had prescribed, it certainly helped to decrease the level of pain. But now, with the physical pain gone, there was nothing else to concentrate on but his memories and emotions, and Steve didn't know how long he would be able to endure that torture.

"Lou…" he finally murmured hoarsely, unable to raise his gaze and look into the other man's eyes. He couldn't stand to see all the grief and sympathy, he knew he would lose it once he saw the concern and sadness on Grover's face, so Steve kept looking at Grace, only briefly closing his eyes when he haltingly uttered his next words. "Could you…" he interrupted himself to swallow drily and hoarsely clear his throat before he continued in a childlike, almost timid whisper. "Could you check on Chin and Kono?"

Feeling more than seeing Grover nod in response, Steve weakly sighed in relief; he was immensely grateful that the other man obviously seemed to understand his stammered request and that he didn't have to fully voice his question. He still couldn't bring himself to talk about what had happened but he knew with all his heart that his teammates would make sure that Danny's body would be recovered, no matter what.

"I will," Lou answered, flashing a sympathetic smile in Steve's direction. He stood up from his place next to the bed where he had sat patiently, providing silent support and waiting for Steve to be ready to talk. Grover briefly stopped at Grace's side and gently caressed the girl's cheek before he placed one of his big hands on Steve's left arm. "Do you need anything else? Coffee? Something to eat?" he asked softly, already anticipating the other man's negative shake of his head. "Alright," Lou continued quietly, giving Steve's arm a comforting squeeze before he headed toward the door. "I'll be right back."

"If you don't mind…" Steve replied hoarsely, stopping his teammate before he could leave the room; looking up for the first time, he hesitantly locked eyes with the older man. "I'd prefer to be alone with Grace when she wakes up…" His voice trailed off and he awkwardly scrubbed his left hand across his face, hoping that Grover understood his need to be alone. He really appreciated Lou's support and help but talking to Grace and reliving those horrible moments when Danny had fallen to his death was something the two of them needed to do alone.

"Alright," Grover finally agreed in a quiet whisper, but he couldn't help worriedly furrowing his brow. "I'll be waiting right outside. Just call if you need anything, okay?"

Steve nodded his agreement but deep inside he knew he wouldn't call. He really needed a moment alone; he finally needed to truly understand what had happened. He needed to truly realize that Danny was gone. He needed to accept that he would never talk to his brother again, that he would never hear Danny's complaints about everything Hawaiian, that they would never again sit on the beach together, talking and sharing a couple of beers.

Squeezing his eyes shut when a new wave of grief hit him full force, Steve desperately tried to choke back a sob. Shaking his head in denial when he felt hot tears running down his cheeks he leaned forward and buried his head in the crook of his left arm, his fingers still gently curled around Grace's arm. He ignored the uncomfortable pull of the IV line and the dull ache in his right shoulder, finally allowing his emotions to take over.

He knew he had to be strong again soon, for Grace, for his team, and last but not least for Danny's family; he still had to make the dreaded phone calls, informing Danny's parents, Amber and Rachel about what had happened. But right now, for a few precious moments, Steve let himself sink into the bottomless abyss of his own grief and he simply wept, not for Grace, not for Danny or for his friends but simply for himself. He wept silently until the bedsheets were wet from his tears and he almost slid into an exhausted sleep but only a heartbeat later he was fully alert when Grace's soft voice reached his ears and he felt how the dark-haired girl weakly started to move under his touch.

 **(tbc)**


	12. Chapter 12

Thank you so much for all your reviews - I'm really glad that you're still sticking around!

* * *

 **Chapter 12:**

 _Misfortunes one can endure – they come from outside, they are accidents.  
But to suffer for one's own faults – ah! – there is the sting of life.  
(Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere's Fan)_

Tears of frustration and pain rolled down Danny's cheeks when he laboriously shifted his weight and pushed himself off the wall, slowly crawling the short distance to the backpack. The trembling fingers of his right hand closed firmly around one of the shoulder straps and with a hard yank he pulled the backpack to his side.

Licking his dry, cracked lips, he tried to open the zipper with his good hand but after a short moment he gave up his unsuccessful attempts and wearily closed his eyes. He was so dizzy, so cold and in so much pain that it was almost impossible to think straight. Swaying slightly, Danny let his head drop to his chest, grimacing in distress when the constant shivering of his body jolted his broken bones. It would have been so easy to just give up, to just close his eyes, to just lie down and allow his body to rest; and for a short moment Danny didn't care about the consequences, didn't care about the fact that he might never wake up again.

But then his will to survive flared up again and with a weak sigh he shook his head and once more pulled himself together. He knew that he didn't have much energy reserves left, maybe not even enough to look into the backpack, but he at least had to try. He had to do absolutely everything in his power to make it back to his daughter and the thoughts of Grace gave him the final push he needed to resume his task.

Abandoning the stubborn zipper he dug his hand instead into the tear at the side of the backpack and tried to pull out the neatly coiled rope. The tear was much too small but after long minutes of fiddling and cursing under his breath, Danny had finally managed to pull out about half of the rope. Shoving the backpack under his legs, he used his knees to hold it in place while he gathered all his frail strength and yanked the rope out. Almost toppling over backwards when the rope slipped out, Danny was barely able to keep upright, choking down another cry of pain when the sudden movement once more jolted his broken bones.

Struggling for air, Danny just sat there for a long moment, blankly staring down at the rope in his lap, before he finally raised his trembling right hand and weakly wiped the cold sweat from his face. Setting aside the rope for a moment, he sluggishly blinked a few times, squinting his eyes as he slightly leaned forward to see what else was in the backpack.

He didn't know how much time had passed but after a while of groping around he had finally found a small emergency kit and two half-empty bottles of water, carefully placing those items next to the rope by his side. Completely spent from the little movement, Danny was breathing so hard that he heard nothing else except the sound of his own harsh gasps, but he didn't allowed himself a break and reached again inside the backpack. His trembling right hand touched a few of those disgusting protein bars Steve seemed to love so much, but then he felt something else and his lips immediately curled into a hesitant little smile.

Protectively curling his fingers around the soft fabric, Danny pulled Grace's jacket out of the backpack and without looking down he raised his right arm and pressed it against his face, breathing in the faint scent of his little girl, imagining her soft dark hair, her beautiful brown eyes and her carefree laughter. Comfortably wrapped in a cocoon of soothing memories, Danny wasn't aware that his eyelids slowly drooped against his will and that he sagged limply against the cold wall of rocks behind him.

Awaking with a start when his head lolled to the side and his right arm slackened and dropped into his lap, Danny breathed out a startled moan. For a moment he had no idea where he was, just staring wide-eyed into the dark blue night. But then everything came back with a vengeance and he jerked fully awake, the weak scent of Grace's jacket still in his nose.

His fingers twitched reflexively and his heart started to beat even faster than before when he struggled to sit up, desperately groping around for the small piece of clothing. Unintentionally bumping against the opened backpack, Danny let out a strangled cry when his uncoordinated movements shoved the backpack closer to the edge of the cliff and after a moment of almost mockingly wobbling back and forth it just disappeared from his sight.

Slowly and almost gracefully at first, the backpack spiraled down faster and faster before it came to a sudden halt in the twigs of a lonely bush several hundred feet below Danny's position, spilling the rest of its meager contents across the rocky ground.

* * *

"Danno?"

Grace's raspy, sleep-filled voice caused Steve to instantly jump up from his slumped position. Ignoring the dull pain that flared through his injured leg, he hastily ran his left hand across his face to wipe away his tears. The last thing Grace needed was to see him cry, she needed him strong and confident; there would be time for him to grieve for Danny later but now he had to push his feelings to the back of his mind and seal them tightly so that they didn't resurface again. Steve briefly cursed himself that he had allowed that moment of weakness, all that counted right now was Danny's little girl.

Desperately trying to school his features, McGarrett once more scrubbed his hand over his face and took a deep breath before he impatiently untangled the IV line that ran into his left arm. Sitting back down on the edge of the bed he gently traced his fingers across Grace's cheek to show her that she wasn't alone.

"Danno?" the dark-haired girl murmured sleepily, unconsciously turning her head a little bit to the right and leaning into Steve's touch. Her eyes were still closed but her brow furrowed in stress when she tried to fight her way back from the depths of the drug-induced sleep.

"Ssssh, kiddo, it's okay," Steve whispered soothingly when Grace started to thrash around weakly, restlessly moving her hands across the white blanket. His heart ached for the little girl and he wished nothing more than to be able to protect her from the cruel reality she soon had to face again.

"Danno?" Grace hoarsely asked a third time, whimpering weakly when she tried to swallow past the strange feeling in her mouth and throat.

"Gracie, sweetheart, can you hear me?" Steve asked softly, lovingly caressing her cheek again before he gently grabbed her small hands to still her movements. "Can you open your eyes for me?" he coaxed her to look at him, fighting back his own emotions when a moment later her eyelids began to flutter. "Good girl," he praised, keeping his voice in a comforting murmur, while he let his thumb travel across the back of her hand, back and forth until he was finally greeted with a slightly dazed look out of bleary brown eyes.

"Hey there," he added with what he hoped was an encouraging smile, even if he felt like he might start to cry every second. "How are you feeling?" Steve wanted to know as he held her gaze, wincing when he shifted his weight and accidentally moved his right leg. The drugs he had been given had significantly dulled the pain but he could still feel every single injury he had sustained. He would never admit it but even if the sling around his right arm constricted his every movement, he was somehow glad that the pain in his shoulder had finally decreased to a more bearable level.

"Uncle Steve?" Graced asked drowsily after licking her dry lips and slowly closing and opening her eyes a few times. It was obvious that she was not only confused about the here and now but also about his presence; she visibly tried to stay calm but she just couldn't prevent a single tear from rolling down her face. "Where's Danno?" the girl whined, not caring that she was almost a teenager and technically a little too old to cry for her father like a little baby. But she felt dizzy and slightly nauseous, her whole body was stiff and achy, and deep inside she felt like she was missing an important detail. She felt like she had swallowed a huge, heavy stone that was now pressing against her chest from the inside, making it almost impossible to draw a proper breath of air. Nervously looking around without really seeing anything, Grace tried to remember what had happened but there was only a black cloud inside her head, making it impossible to think straight. "Where's my Dad?" she repeated, her voice trembling with anxiety.

Noticing Grace's obvious struggle, Steve removed his hand from her smaller ones and after heaving a deep sigh and distractedly running his hand over his mouth and chin he leaned forward and gently cupped her cheek. "He's not here, Gracie," he started helplessly, fighting back the tears that filled his eyes. His whole body screamed at him to leave this place, to run so fast and so far away that he could forget about the horrible events. Steve had no idea how to tell his adopted niece the truth, how to make her remember what had happened.

"But I want him..." Grace interrupted him before he could say anything else, trying to choke back her emotions when she looked at her uncle. She had always felt safe when Steve was at her side but this time it was different; there seemed to be an unknown danger threatening her, a danger she just couldn't grasp, a danger that not even Steve could protect her from.

"Grace..." Steve rasped, swallowed thickly as he tried to think about his next words. He desperately tried to suppress the trembling of his fingers that now stroked the girl's dark hair; his chest tightened with every breath of air he was taking and Steve felt like he had just run a marathon. "Grace, do you remember what happened?" he asked cautiously, heavily breathing as he waited for an answer and studied her posture.

For a long moment Grace just looked at him, knitting her brow in concentration before she softly started to smile. "We were hiking…" she said haltingly, once more licking her dry lips. "The petroglyphs were so beautiful… and I took all those great photos…" Grace murmured, obviously not yet remembering what had happened but then the smile slowly disappeared from her lips and her face contorted with confusion and fear; and without further warning her whole body started to tremble and she vigorously shook her head.

"Where's Danno?" she repeated her question from before, her voice so thin and high that Steve had trouble understanding her words. Wildly looking around, Grace tried to look past Steve, searching the room for any sign of her father.

Before McGarrett was able to do or say anything the girl bolted upright in her bed and stared wide-eyed at the man in front of her, her eyes filled with tears and a clarity that caused Steve to draw in a shaky breath. He could see in those big brown eyes that she finally remembered what had happened and without thinking anymore he pulled her into a tight, one-armed embrace. "Come here, Grace," he said hoarsely, closing his eyes to shut out everything around them, holding her firmly against his chest when she started to struggle, for her sake as much as for his own.

"Danno..." Grace whimpered, trying briefly to wiggle out of Steve's embrace but she soon gave up and sagged weakly in his grip. "He fell..." she cried, trembling so heavily that Steve could hear her teeth chattering. "I saw him fall..." the dark-haired girl whispered against his chest, desperately clawing her fingers into the fabric of his fresh, white T-shirt that Lou had miraculously obtained somewhere for him.

Steve knew that Grace was old enough to understand what had happened to Danny, to understand that he was dead, but her next words sounded so childlike, so innocent and vulnerable that Steve literally winced in pain, feeling as if someone had just pushed a big, sharp knife directly into his heart.

"Danno's not coming back, is he?"

Slowly raising her head, Grace looked up at her father's best friend, the man she considered to be her uncle; her face was wet from tears, red spots colored her pale cheeks and her lips were trembling, but Steve could see a shimmer of hope glistening in her usually so bright eyes and it was exactly that look that made his own resistance crumble into pieces.

Steve's face contorted with grief as he tried to choke back his tears and after an agonizingly long moment of silence he finally gently pressed her head back against his chest so that she wasn't able to see the emotions that played across his face or maybe that he didn't have to look her in the eye when he confirmed the terrible truth.

"No, Grace," Steve whispered barely audible and yet his words roared through the room as if he had used a huge megaphone. "He's not coming back."

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I know this story is not very action-packed, but I hope you're enjoying it anyway - thanks a lot for your patience and for your ongoing support!


	13. Chapter 13

I had a terrible week at the office so I just didn't find the time to answer all your wonderful comments; but every single one of them made me feel a little better so thanks a lot for your ongoing support! You're the best!

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 **Chapter 13:**

 _Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.  
(From a headstone in Ireland)_

"No!" Danny wailed, desperately shaking his head as he stretched out his right arm in a vain attempt to stop the backpack from tumbling over the edge. "No! Nononono!"

Pressing his broken left arm against his abdomen, he leaned forward as far as possible, ignoring the pain that shot through his whole body and the fact that his heartbeat accelerated even more, leaving him once more dizzy and nauseous and barely able to keep his balance. His trembling fingers hovering in front of him, pointing uselessly into the dark Hawaiian night, Danny blankly stared at the point where the backpack had been only a few seconds before.

His mind was completely numb and he felt as if a black, heavy weight was crushing down on him. He had no idea what else had been in the backpack but he had the feeling that he just missed his only opportunity to get off that damned mountain. He wasn't sure, maybe his concussed mind was playing tricks on him, but hadn't he heard Steve saying something about a sat phone?

Groaning hoarsely in pain and hopelessness, Danny dropped his chin to his chest and tightly squeezed his eyes shut. He curled his fingers into a fist and pressed his hand against his mouth to suppress the distraught sobs that threatened to build up in his chest. He simply couldn't remember if Steve had really told him about a sat phone or if the memory was just an evil figment of his imagination, but it bit on to his mind, burrowing deep into his thoughts until the feeling that he had just lost his single and last chance of surviving was simply becoming overwhelming.

"No," Danny whispered forlornly, breathing heavily as he relived the moment the backpack had toppled over the edge over and over again. He had no chance of ever finding out if there had really been a sat phone in the backpack and if it had been still working; he just should have looked for a sat phone first thing, before he had removed all the other more or less useless things.

Now he sat here and his situation was even worse than before; all he had – except the ragged clothes he was wearing – was a piece of rope, two half-empty bottles of water, an emergency kit and Grace's jacket.

Grace. The thought of his daughter finally caused a real sob to flee from his parched throat and Danny blindly fumbled around in the dim moonlight, searching for his daughter's jacket, his last physical link to his little girl. He tightly pressed the piece of clothing against his chest, uttering desperate little sobs of pain and stress; he had absolutely no idea how he would ever be able to make it out of this situation alive. A real, palpable fear of dying took possession of his rapidly beating heart and he felt more helpless than ever before.

Danny didn't know how long he just sat there, slumped against the wall of rock, tightly clinging to the piece of fabric. He shivered when a gust of cool wind swept across the small ledge, knowing deep down in his concussed mind that he had to do something, anything to preserve what little energy he still had left. Licking his cracked lips, Danny hoarsely cleared his throat and finally remembered how very thirsty he actually was.

Very reluctantly he finally let go of Grace's jacket and with an exhausted little sigh he groped around until his trembling fingers found one of the water bottles by his side. Clamping the bottle between his knees he fumbled with the lid, using only his good hand, and after what seemed like an eternity he had finally managed to get rid of it and open the bottle.

Slowly raising the bottle he tried to take a few sips but his hand and his whole body were shaking so much that most of the precious fluid was immediately running down his chin and into the shredded remains of his formerly white T-shirt. Moaning weakly Danny dropped his hand with the bottle back into his lap, licking a few drops of water from his dry lips. The little bit of fluid that had actually made it into his mouth was barely enough to wet his tongue, let alone to soothe his aching throat.

Gathering all his flagging strength, Danny desperately tried to keep his hand steady when he tried again to take a sip of water. Almost crying out in relief when he really managed to place the bottle to his lips without wasting any more water, he gratefully closed his eyes and enjoyed the feeling when the cool liquid was slowly trickling down his throat.

But what he had never expected was the incredible, cramping agony that surged through his stomach as soon as he had swallowed, so immense that it immediately made him double over. Completely unable to draw a proper breath, Danny opened and closed his mouth like a fish on dry land, tightly squeezing his eyes shut against the pain. Toppling over to his right and curling himself into a fetal position, he didn't realize that the half-empty bottle of water dropped from his numb fingers when he hit the ground, spilling the rest of its contents onto the dusty rocks before it sluggishly rolled over the edge and followed the backpack into the depths.

* * *

Steve breathed out a shaky sigh of relief when Grace finally stopped crying and dropped back into an exhausted sleep. The last hour had been one of the worst in his life, and he couldn't remember another time when he had felt so helpless; there was nothing he could do to ease Grace's pain except by being there for her, holding her, stroking her hair and assuring her that everything would get better. But deep inside he knew that wasn't true and he couldn't prevent his thoughts from traveling back to his own youth and his own experience with death. He had been much older than Grace and luckily he hadn't had to watch his mother die, but he still could clearly remember his feelings, the sudden emptiness, the suffocating darkness that had filled his mind. Even if it had turned out eventually that Doris was still alive, the pain and sadness he had experienced as a teenager would always be a part of him, always numbing a small spot in his heart, and he swallowed against the lump in his throat when he thought about the fact that Grace was now forced to undergo those very same emotions.

Moving his body as cautiously as possible to not wake her up, Steve gently put Grace's limp form back onto the bed. The front of his T-shirt was soaked with her tears and badly crumpled where she had fisted her small hands into the fabric but he didn't care about his appearance nor did he feel the wet fabric uncomfortably clinging to his chest.

Tenderly brushing a few strands of dark hair from her face, McGarrett wearily closed his eyes. His whole body was aching, his muscles tensed so firmly from holding back his emotions that they would surely be sore and stiff in a few hours but he just wasn't able to release the tension. He knew that he would break down as soon as he allowed himself to relax and he just wasn't ready to face his own emotions.

Steve's eyes snapped open when he heard Grace softly moan in her sleep, but to his immense relief she calmed down again when he gently stroked her cheek. Watching the lines of stress on the girl's forehead and the puffed skin around her eyes, he suddenly couldn't stand it anymore. He just couldn't bear seeing her suffer like that and with a shuddering inhale Steve turned around and pressed his fist to his mouth, desperately trying to suppress the tremors of grief and loss that racked his body.

He didn't know how long he had been sitting there on the edge of the bed, trying to regain his composure, when he heard the soft creaking of the door behind him. Briefly squeezing his eyes shut he forcefully pulled himself together and sat up a little straighter, knowing without having to look over his shoulder that Grover had come back. As much as he tried to be noiseless, a man of his size just wasn't able to hide his presence.

"Sorry," Lou whispered apologetically when he saw that Steve had noticed him. "The nurse said the two of you should eat and drink at least a little bit..." his deep voice trailed off as he slowly walked around the bed and cautiously placed a small tray with a bottle of water, a cup of steaming coffee, two sandwiches and a few candy bars onto the nightstand, correctly assuming that Steve's priorities were completely different right now and eating and drinking was probably the last thing the man was caring about.

Staring down at his teammate, Lou pondered on his next words for a long moment before he hesitantly raised a hand and gently squeezed the back of Steve's neck. "You alright, man?" he asked, knowing exactly how stupid this question was, but he just didn't know what else to say. The grief that radiated from Grace and Steve was almost palpable and the air in the room was so thick with emotions that Lou actually found it difficult to breathe freely.

Without looking up, Steve just silently shook his head, for once willingly admitting the truth. He saw no sense in denying his true feelings; it was clear that none of them would be alright for a long time but nevertheless he somehow appreciated Lou's sympathetic gesture and felt obliged to give him something in return.

"I've spoken to Chin and Kono," Grover explained in a low whisper after another moment of heavy silence. "They've already organized and coordinated everything so that the search can start as soon as the sun comes up and there's enough light." He waited a moment until he was sure that Steve had understood his words before he continued with another reassuring squeeze of his hand. "Only a few more hours. We will find Danny, I promise," he said solemnly and he meant every single word, intending to support the rescue teams as soon as he was sure that Steve and Grace could be left alone.

When there was no answer from the injured man it was clear that Steve still preferred not to have company, and after throwing a last look at the sleeping girl, Lou slowly turned around. "I'll be waiting outside," he urgently repeated his words from before. "Call if you need anything."

"Thanks," Steve answered, finally finding his voice just when Grover reached for the door handle. The rasping sound that left his throat was barely an intelligible word but he hoped that his teammate had understood him anyway. He couldn't muster the energy to turn around and make sure, slumping down visibly when he heard Lou leave the room and close the door behind him.

Looking down at his trembling left hand that was resting in his lap, Steve noticed for the first time the many cuts and scrapes on his skin. He suddenly clearly remembered the same injuries on Danny's arms and when an image of his friend's face, pale and covered in blood, appeared in front of his inner eye all the pent-up emotions and stress became too much. Feeling the bile raise in his throat he swallowed convulsively, desperately fighting back the bout of nausea that flushed his system.

Groaning hoarsely he laboriously stood up and threw a last look at Danny's little girl, making sure that Grace was fast asleep, before he turned around and hastily limped into the bathroom, using the IV pole as a crutch to keep as much weight as possible from his injured leg. Closing the door behind him, Steve reached the small sink just in time; his left hand still grabbing the IV pole he leaned forward and started to gag, heaving until his stomach was completely empty and tears of pain and exhaustion rolled down his cheeks. Squeezing his eyes shut, he tried to bring his breathing back under control, almost losing his balance when he used his left hand to blindly grope for the faucet. Very slowly he felt the nausea dissolve when he splashed ice-cold water on his face and rinsed his mouth to get rid of the foul taste.

Turning off the water, McGarrett didn't dare to look into the mirror; he didn't want to see the reflection of emptiness and grief he knew would be showing in his face, and so he just kept his eyes closed and stumbled backwards until his back hit the cold, white-tiled wall. Allowing his knees to fold under his weight, he slid down the wall and sank down onto the floor, ignoring his aching leg and his injured shoulder as he drew his knees to his chest.

Clawing the fingers of his left hand into his hair he let his head fall forward and shakily breathed in and out until he was unable to hold back his emotions any longer. The huge sob that was building up in his chest threatened to break free and with a gut-wrenching moan Steve finally started to cry.

 **(tbc)**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14:**

 _Tisn't life that matters! 'Tis the courage you bring to it.  
(Hugh Walpole)_

The incredible pain in his abdomen made it impossible to even raise a finger and the sheer thought of having to move anytime soon made Danny shiver in trepidation, so after a while he just gave in to the pain and allowed his eyes to close, breathing fast and shallowly until the agony finally decreased to a level where he was at least able to think about his situation.

Deep inside Danny knew he had to do something, anything that helped him out of his misery, anything that allowed him to survive the night. He tried to tell himself over and over again that his friends were certainly sending a rescue team anytime soon but the rational part of his brain realized that if they hadn't been looking for him until now, no one would come before the end of the night, no one knew that he was still alive.

He felt like a heavy weight was pressing on his body and on his mind and for a moment he didn't know anymore where he was or what had happened. Sluggishly blinking his eyes open Danny frowned in confusion when he looked directly into the star-bright sky.

"Grace?" he whispered hoarsely, licking his dry lips as he tried to gather his thoughts. Calling his daughter's name a few more times, Danny started to panic when he didn't receive an answer. He didn't know why his body felt so heavy, or why he was lying on a cold, hard ground, shivering in the coldness of the night; all he knew was that he had to look for his little girl, protecting her with all the strength he had left.

Laboriously trying to get up, Danny cried out when the movement sent waves of pain through his whole body and he dropped his head back to the ground, squeezing his eyes shut and biting his lower lip.

"Please," he wheezed, unconsciously fisting his right hand into a piece of fabric that was lying beneath his hand and the soft rustling of Grace's jacket finally helped a little bit to clear his confused mind.

"Please," he repeated in a forlorn whisper, not really sure what he was begging for. A single tear rolled down his cheek and dropped onto the dusty ground and Danny couldn't prevent his thoughts from travelling back to his little girl. He just couldn't give up now; he had to do everything in his power to get back to Grace.

Taking a few breaths, as deep as his injured body allowed, Danny gritted his teeth against the expected onslaught of pain and cautiously started to move. Inch by inch he managed to pull himself upright and after an agonizingly long time he was back in a half-sitting position, leaning against the hard surface of rock behind him. Every rapid breath of air ended in a distressed moan and Danny was so dizzy that he was sure he would be falling from the small ledge at any second. He was shivering pitifully from head to toe and his whole body throbbed painfully in synch with his much too fast heartbeat.

It took all of his willpower to not surrender to his injuries; it would have been so easy to just close his eyes and let the darkness wash over his mind and only the memories of Grace kept him upright. Danny would never be able to forgive himself if he didn't at least try to find a way out and as soon as this thought crossed his concussed mind he started to giggle helplessly. He knew that he was injured badly; the dull pain in his stomach and the faint, coppery taste of blood that tickled his throat told him that he was probably bleeding internally and he could literally feel how he got weaker with every passing minute.

Danny knew that he needed help as fast as possible, otherwise he would certainly die here on this narrow ledge, alone and scared in the cool Hawaiian night. Once more licking his dry lips, Danny blinked slowly as he tried to adjust his eyes to the dim light of the moon, sluggishly taking stock of his situation.

Pushing the pain to the back of his mind as far as possible he thought about his options. There was nothing at all he could do about his position; there was no chance that he would be able find a way down the cliff, not in the middle of the night, not without any other tools than Steve's rope and certainly not with a body that was too weak to even sit upright without support.

He was still incredibly thirsty but after the first, painful attempt to drink something Danny quickly suppressed that thought; maybe he could use the water from the second bottle to wet his cracked lips later but right now there were other, more useful things to do, things that hopefully helped saving his life.

Helplessly trying to suppress the awkward giggle that bubbled up in his chest, Danny groped around for Grace's jacket; he briefly pressed the piece of clothing against his chest, allowing himself a short-lived moment of inner peace. He clearly remembered the day not even a week ago when he and Grace had bought the bright pink jacket. He remembered Grace's absolute joy when she had seen it displayed in the shop window and her shrill shriek of delight when he had finally agreed to buy it. He remembered that he had grumbled a little bit about the color that was so loud that it hurt his eyes, but he and Grace had had so much fun that day that he just hadn't been able to deny her wish. Grace's beautiful, brown eyes had sparkled with joy and the huge hug and gentle kiss he had received from his little girl had made Danny's day and his reaction had once more shown that his daughter was easily able to wrap him round her little finger since the day she was born.

The giggle turned into a heart-wrenching sob when Danny relived those happy memories and for a long moment he just sat there, clutching Grace's jacket so hard that his fingers started to cramp. The blood was rushing in his ears and it was becoming more and more difficult to stay upright or even keep his eyes open. He felt that he was on a verge and one step into the wrong direction would seal his fate; a sharp pang of fear and regret pierced his heart, finally helping him to make up his mind.

Gathering his very last strength, Danny wasn't willing to give up without a fight. He would do whatever was possible, he just needed to find a way to survive the night and make sure that a rescue team would be able to locate his position.

His hands were ice-cold, his whole body was trembling with shock, pain and cold and he was so dizzy that he wasn't sure anymore what was up and what was down but now that Danny had come to a decision he didn't allow his body to rest. Breathing heavily, Danny had the feeling that he wasn't able to get enough oxygen into his lungs and for a moment the familiar feeling of a rising panic attack surged through his mind. Gritting his teeth, he fought back the unbidden emotion, focusing instead on Grace's jacket in his lap.

The jacket was much too small for him to wear and it wouldn't have been able to provide a lot of warmth anyway, but Danny was sure that the loud, bright pink color would be visible from afar. Or at least he hoped so. He had no idea where exactly he was or how far away from civilization he had ended up, but certainly there had to be someone around to take notice of the small piece of clothing, right?

He desperately clung to that little ray of hope while he reached for the piece of rope and started to fumble it through the sleeves of the jacket. He got along agonizingly slow because any movement of his broken left arm caused his stomach to clench with nausea and the last thing he needed right now was to be sick. The thin white and blue rope slipped through his trembling fingers more than once but Danny was much too exhausted to get angry about it. He just clumsily picked it up over and over again with stubborn determination, closing his eyes in relief and gratitude when the jacket was finally threaded on the rope.

Allowing himself a brief moment of rest, Danny wearily leaned his head against the wall of rock behind him but he jolted out of his lethargy when he felt his eyes slipping closed. He knew that this was his last chance, he just knew deep inside that he wouldn't be able to get up again if he allowed his body to shut down.

Running his tongue over his dry lips, Danny tried to take deep breath but he soon gave up the attempt when his chest and abdomen protested painfully against that movement. Moaning pitifully, Danny couldn't do anything else but double over, squeezing his eyes shut as he forced his shaking body to cooperate one last time.

He pondered for a moment on the best way to fasten his makeshift flag but then Danny dejectedly shrugged his shoulders and simply knotted the two ends of the rope together into a large loop. Laboriously leaning forward he wrapped a part of the rope a few times around his right leg until he was fairly sure that it didn't fall off in case he moved, and then he simply shoved the rest of the rope with the jacket over the edge, hoping that maybe a wisp of wind would cause it to stream.

Danny was now shivering harder than before and he was barely able to keep his eyes open. Blinking sluggishly he heavily breathed in and out through his mouth, his tongue and throat almost completely dry. He spent a few precious minutes with the search for the small first aid kit he had managed to retrieve from Steve's backpack before it had toppled over the edge and when his right hand finally touched the little package Danny barely found the strength to pull it into his lap.

Dangerously tilting to the left, Danny somehow managed to keep upright a little longer while his numb fingers fiddled around with the small zipper. Grace's high, clear laughter suddenly came to his mind and the ghost of a smile flashed across his pale features when he remembered the ways his little girl was always teasing him for his clumsiness and his goofy thumbs when he tried to show her something on his cell phone.

The thought of his daughter helped him a little bit to gather the last of his reserves and with almost superhuman strength Danny finally managed to open the first aid kit. He once more giggled between his rapid, gasping breaths when a neatly folded, silver emergency blanket was the first thing that practically oozed out of the bag and dropped into his lap.

Knowing that his time would run out very soon, Danny ignored all the other, possibly useful, things that the first aid kit might contain; using only his good hand and his chattering teeth Danny was somehow able to unfold the rustling blanket. He wrapped the blanket around his aching body to the best of his abilities, wheezing from pain and exhaustion when his body finally screamed at him to stop all the movement.

Closing his eyes against the new onslaught of dizziness, all that Danny felt right now was the weak fluttering of his heart against his ribs and the blinding headache that drowned out almost all other pain.

"Just a few minutes..." he mumbled huskily, allowing his battered body the much needed break as he greedily soaked in the little warmth the blanket provided.

Feeling his muscles go limp Danny tilted even more to the left and finally slumped to the cold and rocky ground, unfortunately landing directly on his broken left arm. The sharp pain in his forearm, the sickening crunching sound and his own hoarse cry of pain were the last things he consciously perceived before darkness washed over him.

A soft breeze gently tugged at Grace's pink jacket that hung lazily at the side of the mountain only a few feet beneath Danny's position. The light of the wee hours of the morning was not yet enough to show its loud color but the soft light of the half-moon reflected from the silver surface of the emergency blanket that partially covered Danny's body, bathing the scene in an almost peaceful atmosphere.

 **(tbc)**


	15. Chapter 15

Thank you so much for all your fantastic reviews!

* * *

 **Chapter 15:**

 _Guilt is a weight that will crush you whether you deserve it or not.  
_ _(Maureen Johnson, Girl at Sea)_

Sitting on the cold, hard floor, Steve cried like he had never cried in his life. Of course he had lost men before, colleagues, friends, family, but it had always been either in the line of duty or those people had been ripped from his life by horrible crimes. Most of those deaths, if not all, had been abrupt, useless, and devastating, but never before had he lost someone in such a horrible accident due to his own, stupid fault.

He had witnessed death many times before, from afar and from up close; he had held dying comrades in his arms, he had been forced to leave Freddie behind to die alone in a foreign country only hours before he had heard the shot that had killed his father. All those deaths had taken a heavy toll on him but Steve had eventually learned to live with the loss, to accept the hard way that it wasn't his fault that his loved ones were gone.

Drawing his knees further to his chest, Steve ignored everything around him; he wasn't aware of the dull pain in his leg and his shoulder or the uncomfortable twinge in his left forearm where the IV line stretched to its limits, and to be honest he didn't care anyway if he pulled out the needle. His whole body shivered, with pain, cold and all the emotions that held him firmly in their dark, suffocating grip.

Squeezing his eyes shut, Steve tried to think about anything else than the horrible moment when Danny had loosened his grip but he could still feel his partner's hand in his own and he reflexively curled the fingers of his right hand as if he would still be able to stop Danny from falling. Steve gasped in shock when a sharp ache travelled through his right shoulder but instead of opening his fist he clenched it even tighter, as if to punish himself for what had happened.

It was his fault that his partner was dead, that Grace would never be able to see her Danno again. Why had he insisted on that stupid hiking trip or on taking that other way back to their car? He should have known that something was going to happen; after his own unlucky accident four years ago he should have known that the trip to the petroglyphs was cursed once and for all. But he had wanted so badly to re-experience all the happy memories from his youth, from the time his world had still been intact, from the time he still had had a family. The trips with his father to see the petroglyphs were one of the happiest memories of his life and he had just wanted to share a little bit of that happiness with his best friend.

But now all the happiness was gone, once and for all, leaving behind only sadness and grief; Steve moaned hoarsely and pressed his forehead against his knees when his heart clenched painfully in his chest. How would he be able to go on without Danny? How would he be able to look Grace in the eyes, or his team, or Amber, or Danny's parents? How would he be able to live with the guilt that he had caused Danny's death?

Laboriously breathing through his mouth, Steve tried to block out the fact that he still had to make those dreaded phone calls. What on earth should he tell Danny's loved ones? How would he be able to deliver the terrible news without breaking down? There was absolutely no way of sugarcoating things and he inwardly cringed with trepidation when he envisioned the reactions he would receive. He could clearly see Amber sobbing hysterically, Danny's Mom drowning in desperation after losing a second child, Danny's father yelling at him, accusing him of having killed his son, and Steve unconsciously made himself smaller, sliding down the wall a bit more, curling his body tighter into itself.

The imagined voices of Danny's family rang loudly in his mind and Steve wanted nothing more than to just shut out the terrible sounds. With his forehead still pressed against his knees he raised his left arm and desperately draped it over his head in a vain attempt of covering his ears until his own harsh breathing was the only sound he was hearing.

Steve didn't know how long he sat there on the cold, tiled floor, too exhausted to stand up, too exhausted to even move a muscle. Every breath he was taking was hurting, painfully cutting into his shattered heart and he felt sicker and more nauseous with every passing minute. He knew he couldn't stay there forever but right now he was much too tired to make a decision, his thoughts only twirling around that same horrible scene that played in his mind over and over again. He knew he had to go back soon and check on Grace but at the moment he just couldn't force his trembling body to cooperate and the blinding headache that had started to grow over the last few minutes made it even more difficult to concentrate on anything else.

Forcing back the bile that rose in his throat, Steve swallowed convulsively, trying to take deeper breaths while he clenched his fists so tightly that his fingernails painfully dug into his palms. The pain from his injured shoulder was no longer bothering him, having long ago melted into the overall agony that tormented his body and mind.

Desperately trying to pull himself together, Steve was so trapped in his thoughts and emotions that he didn't notice how the door to the bathroom was slowly pushed open and Grace hesitantly sneaked in.

"Uncle Steve?" she asked shyly, her voice almost inaudible over his loud, harsh breathing and yet it was enough to startle the dark-haired man out of his stupor almost immediately. Steve's head snapped up and for a short moment he stared at the little girl in the doorframe before he shrank back in horror and shame.

"Grace," McGarrett replied in a hoarse whisper, hastily turning his head in the other direction to hide his tear-stained face. "What are you doing here?" he breathed out weakly, frantically rubbing his left hand across his face to wipe away the tears, trying to put on a brave mask before he reluctantly addressed his adopted niece. "Go back to bed, okay?" he stammered, gritting his teeth as he forcefully tried to push back all his emotions. "I'll be with you in a minute," Steve promised, still without looking at the little girl, as he swallowed against the enormous lump in his throat that made it almost impossible to breathe normally. He just wasn't ready to turn around and look her in the eyes, too ashamed of all the emotions that were certainly displayed on his face, too ashamed of having allowed his own grief to surface when he needed to be there for Grace. "I'll be with you in a minute," he faintly repeated in a broken whisper, hoping with all his heart that the girl would just turn around and give him another moment to regain his inner balance.

But he knew instinctively that something was wrong when Grace didn't reply, and after having taken a deep, shuddering breath to steel himself for the impending conversation Steve once more wiped his hand across his face and finally turned around, forcing himself to look at Danny's daughter. He frowned in confusion when she just wordlessly stared back at him in a mixture of curiosity, sympathy and sadness; but then, after a long moment of silence, she suddenly dropped her gaze, looking at something in her hands that Steve couldn't see from his sitting position.

Grace's head was slightly bent forward, strands of her soft, brown hair covering most of her face so that Steve wasn't able to clearly see her expression. Her lips were trembling and she opened and closed her mouth a few times without saying a single word, just staring blankly at the small object in her hands without even blinking.

"What is it, Gracie?" Steve asked worriedly, struggling to his feet when he heard the soft whimper that tore from her throat. Unable to completely bite back a groan of pain he used the wall, the IV pole and everything else he could get a grip on for support until he was finally standing upright on trembling legs, leaning heavily against the white sink to keep his balance.

Briefly squeezing his eyes shut against the sudden bout of dizziness, Steve's left hand curled around the IV pole until his knuckles turned white and he needed a few seconds until he felt safe to open his eyes again, squinting when the cold light of the bathroom caused his headache to spike. Making the mistake of looking in the mirror, McGarrett winced when he took in his appearance, his deathly pale face, the traces of tears on his cheeks, the dark circles underneath red and puffy eyes. Huffing out a tired, disgusted snort he turned his head just in time to hear Grace's whispered words and her statement sent a new stabbing pain right through his heart.

"It's my fault," the young girl murmured without looking up, closing her trembling hands tighter around her pink cell phone. "It's my fault," she repeated, swaying slightly on her feet when she finally started to sob and a single, big tear rolled down her cheek.

"God, Grace, no," Steve groaned, feeling every bit like someone had just punched him in the guts. Grimacing in shock and sympathy as he stumbled toward her, he bewilderedly stopped his attempt to reach her when Grace frantically shook her head and backed away from him. "Grace," he stuttered helplessly, also shaking his head while he tentatively let go of the IV pole and weakly raised his left hand, desperately trying to come up with a plan to make her stay and talk to him.

"It's my fault," Grace whispered again, briefly pressing her cell phone against her chest before she suddenly dashed forward and shoved the little device into Steve's outstretched hand. "That stupid photo…" she breathed out between hysterical, heartbreaking sobs, tapping her right forefinger over and over again at the display of her phone, causing Steve to finally look down at the reason for her emotional outburst.

Time seemed to literally stand still for a moment; McGarrett didn't realize that Grace's left hand curled into the already rumpled fabric of his white T-shirt or that her gaze darted wildly between the cell phone and his face. All he could see was the photo on the display of her pink phone and he felt how his whole body started to tremble when he looked directly into Danny's bright blue eyes.

Wishing with all his might to never have set his eyes on the very last picture Grace had taken of her father, Steve just couldn't bring himself to look away. Breathing heavily in and out, he stared down at Danny's laughing face without blinking, clearly remembering how his friend had stretched out his arm, pretending that he had his finger on top of the Aloha tower. The photo was brimming over with life, perfectly capturing a moment of pure joy and happiness, and under normal circumstances Steve would probably have never stopped teasing Danny for his obvious and uncommonly openly displayed cheerfulness. But now that one little picture of carefree joie de vivre made the terrible loss even more painful, the grief even more crushing, and Steve's breath hitched in his throat as tears started to prickle in his eyes.

Hearing Grace's sobs growing stronger and more desperate, Steve was finally able to avert his eyes from the photo and concentrate on Danny's daughter. With her left hand still fisted into his T-shirt the girl was barely able to stay on her feet, leaning heavily against Steve's hip to support her trembling body. She was still pointing weakly at the cell phone she had shoved in Steve's hand, blinking frantically against the tears that filled her big, brown eyes.

"Danno's never coming back… because of me… because I wanted to take that stupid photo," Grace sobbed pitifully, her voice hoarse with guilt and sadness as she looked up to meet Steve's gaze. "It's my fault," she added so quietly that Steve could barely hear her words but the expression on her young face was enough to push his own emotions to the back of his mind.

"No, Gracie, no," he awkwardly tried to reassure her, for a brief moment forgetting about his own grief as he forcefully closed his fingers around the cell phone so that the picture of Danny was no longer visible. He didn't know what to say or how to ease Grace's distress but the look of blank despair in the girl's eyes told him that he had to do something; he just couldn't allow Grace to take on that heavy burden.

Grimacing in pain when he laboriously got down on his knees, Steve gently ran his shaking left hand over Grace's hair. "It wasn't your fault, okay?" he rasped, swallowing a few times before he was able to go on. "It was a terrible, stupid, useless accident, do you understand?" he asked while he pressed the girl against his side, trying not to become entangled in the IV line as he used his good arm to embrace her tightly, for Grace's sake as well as for his own. Cursing the sling and his useless, immobilized right arm Steve shifted his weight a little bit to find a more comfortable position, but he soon gave up when every movement, however small, flooded his whole system with blinding agony.

Despite the pain from all his injuries that grew stronger with every passing moment he stayed motionless in the same position, holding the weeping girl in his arms. "It wasn't your fault," he repeated mantra-like, forcing the words past the lump in his throat while he numbly stared at the white-tiled wall of the bathroom without really seeing anything and it took all of Steve's willpower to fight back his own tears when Grace piteously sobbed into his T-shirt.

The bright light hurt his eyes and his aching head throbbed in synch with his heartbeat but he didn't dare close his eyes, for fear of re-experiencing Danny's death because he just couldn't keep his mind from playing back that horrible moment.

"It wasn't your fault," Steve murmured one final time, whispering the words into Grace's dark brown hair when her convulsive sobbing slowly decreased and he felt how her rigid body wearily slumped a little bit in his grip.

Holding his breath for a brief moment he finally heaved a deep, shuddering sigh, squeezing his eyes shut as his face contorted with shame and sorrow. 'It was my fault,' McGarrett added in his mind but the words never made it past his lips, because he was just too afraid to speak them out loud.

 **(tbc)**


	16. Chapter 16

This chapter is especially for Phoebe Miller because she sent me such a nice PM this morning, reminding me that it's time for a new chapter ;-)

And of course for everyone else who is patiently reading, reviewing and following my story - thanks a lot for all your support!

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 _Guilt is rooted in actions of the past,  
perpetuated in the lack of action in present,  
and delivered in the future as pain and suffering.  
David Roppo_

 **Chapter 16:**

Kneeling motionless on the cold, hard floor of the bathroom, Grace still awkwardly slouched against his side, Steve didn't dare to move. The soft humming of the overhead lights was the only sound in the room, only disturbed by an occasional hiccupping sob from the dark-haired girl. Steve didn't know what to say so he just held her tightly, his whole body slightly trembling with ache and fatigue. The pain from his injured shoulder and from the torn muscle in his right leg was worse than before, sending waves of fiery agony through his veins with every beat of his heart.

He wasn't sure how long he knelt there, blinking slowly as he stared at the white wall in front of him. His mind was almost completely numb and he needed a long moment before he realized that Grace's breathing had finally evened out and her knees started to buckle. Despite her uncomfortable position the girl seemed to have drifted off to sleep, maybe her mind was just shutting down, trying to protect her from the cruel reality.

Grace's head was now resting against his left shoulder and Steve could feel her warm, regular breath against his neck. She was leaning heavily against his body until he had to hold her whole weight with his good arm in order to prevent her from sinking to the floor.

Grimacing in pain, McGarrett gritted his teeth and groaned weakly as he tried to move, but he just couldn't bring his body to cooperate. His own injuries plus the time he had spent unmoving in a kneeling position had proved to be too much and he knew it would only be a matter of time before he had to call for help or wake up Grace.

The blood was rushing loudly in his ears and Steve almost missed how someone was cautiously calling his name; by the time the familiar voice sounded nearer, he finally realized that he had his eyes squeezed shut and laboriously blinked them open. Squinting against the too bright light of the bathroom Steve nodded slightly in a strange mixture of shame and relief when he saw Lou Grover standing in the doorframe.

"Hey, you alright?" the big man asked gently before Steve could say anything, his dark eyes glistening and his deep voice filled with worry and sympathy.

Steve didn't know if he should shake or nod his head so he just made a small, throaty sound and averted his eyes. "Can you..." he rasped, clearing his throat and swallowing drily before he tried to voice his question again. "Can you take her?" he begged helplessly, weakly nodding toward Grace who had started to slowly slip out of his grip.

Taking in the situation with one brief look, Grover quickly stepped forward and gently pulled Grace out of Steve's one-armed embrace, murmuring soothingly into her ear when the girl whimpered softly.

"Thanks," Steve said in a hoarse whisper, tiredly observing Lou's gentle actions and the ease with which the other man handled the sleeping girl, reminding him that his friend was an experienced father himself, probably much more capable of dealing with the current situation than a childless Ex-SEAL.

Swaying slightly on his knees, Steve gingerly reached for the IV pole to support his balance as he watched from the corner of his eyes how Grover gently readjusted Grace's slender form in his arms, constantly murmuring reassuring nonsense to keep her calm. He was immensely thankful that his teammate ignored him for the moment and just looked after Grace; he needed to make sure that Grace was cared for before he was able to deal with his own condition. Staring after his friend, McGarrett sighed wearily when Lou pushed open the half-closed door with his elbow and tried to maneuver Grace through the doorframe without disturbing her delicate sleep. The door bounced silently off the wall and slowly started to shut and the last thing Steve saw before his view was blocked was Lou bending over Grace's bed and gently tucking her in.

Wearily closing his eyes again, Steve curled his trembling fingers tighter around the IV pole and for a few moments he just concentrated on deeply breathing in and out to gather his strength. Gritting his teeth he finally tried to get up but he immediately was forced to stop his futile attempt when a sharp wave of pain surged through his body and the IV pole started to wobble dangerously in his grip.

"Dammit," he groaned under his breath, angrily furrowing his brow as he tried to fight back the pain and exhaustion that took hold of his injured body. He inwardly cursed his weakness when Lou's voice startled him out of his daze, and it went against all his self-respect to answer the other man's next question with a reluctant shake of his head.

"Are you alright?" Lou repeated his question from before, a little more urgent now that Grace was no longer in earshot. Despite the worried and slightly angry tone of his voice he apparently hesitated to lend a helping hand before Steve gave him his okay but as soon as McGarrett opened his mouth, the big man made a step forward and approached his boss.

"I... uh... I could use a little help, I guess," Steve murmured, half-embarrassed and half-angry but much too tired to take notice of Lou's doubtful snort.

Suddenly remembering Grace's cell phone, Steve hastily looked around for the little pink device, blinking in surprise when he found it on the floor in front of him. He couldn't remember when it had slipped from his fingers but now he sighed softly and laboriously bent forward to pick it up, squeezing his eyes shut when, without warning, a bout of dizziness washed over him.

"I got it," Grover's deep voice interrupted his hoarse moan and a moment later he felt how a strong hand curled around his left bicep and kept him upright.

"Come on, let's get you back to your feet," Lou added softly, gently but firmly grabbing Steve's good arm while he picked up the pink cell phone with his other hand and stowed it away in the pocket of his checked shorts. Maybe, under other circumstances, he would have made fun of the man who usually never admitted that he needed any kind of help, but Grover knew that now was definitely not the time for joking around. He briefly thought about scolding his boss for neglecting his own health but instead he just sighed silently, shook his head and cautiously helped Steve to stand up.

"Can you walk?" Lou asked worriedly once Steve was on his feet, noticing how the younger man swayed dangerously for a moment before he managed to find his balance.

Swallowing a few times against the rising nausea, Steve nodded tentatively and immediately grimaced in pain when the small movement spiked the headache behind his eyes, but with Lou's help he started to slowly limp out of the bathroom. The pain surprisingly decreased a little bit after the first two or three steps and by the time the odd couple approached Grace's bed, Steve vehemently shook his head when Grover tried to steer him toward the second, empty bed.

Knowing that Steve would never relent, Lou silently gave in, a soft, defeated sigh the only sign that he didn't fully support Steve's decision but nevertheless he helped the younger man sit down on the edge of Grace's bed.

"She's asleep," Grover reassured him quietly when he noticed the worried look Steve threw in Grace's direction. Bending forward and gently running his fingers over Grace's hair, just like he had done before, Lou smiled softly when he noticed that his big hand almost covered her whole head. He made sure that Grace was really sleeping peacefully before he straightened himself to his full height; staring down at his boss, Grover worriedly pursed his lips when he took in the pallor of Steve's face and his hunched posture.

McGarrett was slowly breathing in and out, visibly trying to suppress all the physical and emotional pain he had endured during the last few hours. His left hand rested on Grace's smaller one, his thumb absently drawing small circles on her skin while he blankly looked at the little girl without really seeing anything. Steve obviously seemed to have forgotten that his teammate was still in the room, because he uncharacteristically winced in surprise when Lou started to talk again.

"You really need to take better care of yourself, man," Grover said softly, his gaze briefly flickering towards the tray with food and beverages he had brought in earlier. There was a moment of silence and when Steve showed no reaction that he had heard the other man's words, Lou cautiously placed his hand on McGarrett's good shoulder. "Steve, do you hear me?" Lou pressed, worriedly furrowing his brow when he felt the slight trembling underneath his fingers. "You have to promise that you'll take better care of yourself. You can't be there for Grace if you totally wear yourself out, do you understand?"

"Yeah, sure," Steve murmured after another long moment of silence without averting his eyes from his adopted niece. He seemed to ponder on his next words, laboriously clearing his throat before he straightened his shoulders and slowly turned his head. "I really appreciate your help, Lou," he said hoarsely, squinting up at the larger man. "But you don't need to be here all night. Why don't you go home... get some sleep..." Steve's voice trailed off mid-sentence and his fingers briefly tightened around Grace's hand before he took a deep breath and added a little more forcefully. "I'm sure Chin and Kono could use all the help they can get." He still couldn't bring himself to mention Danny's name or the cruel fact that they had to look for Danny's body but he was sure that Grover understood him anyway.

Removing his hand from Steve's shoulder, Grover stared silently back at his boss before he helplessly started to rearrange the untouched goods on the tray. "Look, man, I understand that you want to be alone," he finally said, carefully watching Steve's reaction. "And there's nothing more I want to do than join the cousins on the search for Danny." Trying to ignore the visible jerk that went through Steve's body at the mention of Danny's name, Lou briefly massaged the back of his neck, giving the other man a little time to pull himself together before he continued warily. "I'm just not sure if I can leave you alone right now. You honestly look like you're ready to drop at any second... you really need to get some rest, Steve."

"I'm fine," McGarrett waved off immediately, gritting his teeth as he angrily shook his head. He was beyond exhausted and he knew that, despite all the horrible memories that kept playing in his head, he would be fast asleep as soon as his head touched a pillow, but he just couldn't allow that Grace would wake up alone.

"How late is it?" Steve suddenly changed the topic, fighting back a pained moan when he felt his heart beating faster in his chest. He still had some phone calls to make and he unconsciously started to shake when he thought about the pending conversation with Danny's family.

"It's almost 3 a.m.," Grover answered after a brief glance at his watch, jumping forward when Steve laboriously struggled to his feet. "Whoa, what are you doing?" he asked in surprise, his right hand hovering over Steve's good shoulder, ready to support the younger man if he needed his help.

Briefly furrowing his brow as he tried to mentally calculate the current time in England and New Jersey, Steve licked his dry lips and weakly pointed at Lou's pocket. "Could you give me Grace's phone?" he requested, his voice slightly cracking at the end of the sentence. Clearing his throat, he let his gaze flicker back to Grace before he added quietly, "I need to call Danny's parents; and Rachel and Amber also need to know what happened." He briefly interrupted himself to take a deep breath, wearily scrubbing his slightly trembling left hand over his face. "Could you stay with Grace for a moment?" Steve asked timidly, finally looking up to meet the bigger man's eye.

He barely waited for Grover to nod his head and hand him the little device Steve had asked for before he threw a last glance at Grace's sleeping form and slowly walked toward the door without saying another word. He knew Grover was worrying about him but right now he just couldn't deal with the other man's sympathy, so he just straightened himself as much as possible, trying not to show how much every step hurt, not wanting to give the other man more reason for concern.

But as soon as he had closed the door behind him, Steve immediately dropped his fake attitude and heavily leaned against the wall just outside Grace's room. Staring down at the pink cell phone in his hand, he furrowed his brow and heaved a deep sigh; it suddenly seemed wrong to use Grace's phone to deliver the gruesome message of Danny's death.

Sighing again, McGarrett shook his head and placed the cell phone inside his sling. Looking around for the nurses' station he pushed himself off the wall and slowly scuffed down the dimly lit corridor before he could change his mind. Steve had learned long ago how to suppress pain and focus on other things and so he was easily able to blend out all his physical injuries, but this time the pain was much deeper. Heavily leaning on the IV pole to support his weight, every step away from Grace and nearer to the nurses' station was becoming more difficult than the last one; the knowledge that he was about to make the worst phone calls in his whole life mercilessly ripping at his heart.

At this late hour of the night, the corridor was deserted and Steve felt a slight ping of guilt when he addressed the night shift nurse, obviously tearing the young woman out of her well-deserved rest. "Excuse me," he said hoarsely while he let go of the IV pole and placed his left elbow onto the reception desk to take a little weight off his injured leg. Tightly clenching his hand into a fist when he noticed the slight trembling of his fingers, he waited until the nurse looked up and threw him a questioning glance. "Is there a phone I can use?"

"Of course," she answered gently, her blue eyes glistening with sympathy when she took in his appearance. The brunette woman seemed to know who he was and what he was about to do because she immediately jumped up and silently led him around her desk, offering him her chair and placing a piece of paper and a pen in front of him. "Take all the time you need," she said with a soft smile, briefly trailing her fingers across his good shoulder before she silently turned around and left him alone.

"Thank you," Steve murmured belatedly, briefly closing his eyes before he gritted his teeth and faced up to the inevitable. Everything inside of him strived against the task at hand and when he switched on Grace's phone and Danny's laughing face stared back at him from the display, he almost lost it. The breath caught in his throat and Steve felt like someone was grabbing his heart and squeezing it in an icy grip; the phone dropped from his trembling fingers and clattered to the desk, the photo of Danny still mockingly flashing up at him.

Unable to suppress a pained groan, Steve desperately tried to fight back the newest surge of grief and panic. All he wanted to do was jump up and run as fast and as far as possible and it took all of his willpower to pick up the phone, close the photo app and scroll through Grace's contact list.

Cautiously placing the pink device on the desk in front of him, Steve hesitantly grabbed the pen and started to search for the contact details of Rachel, Amber and Danny's parents. The numbers he finally scribbled on the paper were almost illegible; for one because he had never been good at writing with his left hand but mainly because his fingers were trembling so much that he was barely able to hold the pen.

Blankly staring down at the paper for a long time, Steve pinched the bridge of his nose and finally closed his eyes. The blood was rushing loudly in his ears and he knew without doubt that he would never be able to make those phone calls if he waited only a second longer. His mind was completely numb and he had absolutely no idea what exactly he was going to tell Danny's loved ones but he forced his eyes open and stretched out his left arm to blindly reach for the black phone next to him. His heart was painfully pounding against his ribcage in a much too fast beat and without really registering what he was doing Steve started to type in the first numbers of the New Jersey area code.

 **(tbc)**


	17. Chapter 17

I can't say it often enough, I really appreciate your ongoing support and your patience with my story. I'm sorry that I didn't find the time to answer everyone of you in person, so I'm just saying it now: **a big, fat thank-you to everyone who left a review.** I always appreciated all the anonymous reviews, so I also want to thank everyone who's taking the time to tell me how much they like my story.  
I'm also open for constructive criticism and I totally understand that not everyone is a fan of my stories - that's okay, everybody has their own taste and I certainly don't like every story that's posted on FanFiction... but what I absolutely can't and won't tolerate are such immature and obnoxious reviews I (and quite a few other writers) got lately. I write in the little spare time I have, I write for fun and for relaxation, and it's difficult enough for me to post my stories in a language that's not my native language. So, on a less positive note, I'm sorry to say that I won't accept any more anonymous reviews in the future. If you have something to tell, at least create an account and log in to post your nasty comments (and I hope you all know that I'm NOT talking about all the guest reviewers who have always been nice and supportive)!

I hope you keep on reading anyway and I would love to hear from you... here's the next chapter. Enjoy!

* * *

 _One cannot weep for the entire world, it is beyond human strength. One must choose._ _  
_ _(Jean Anouilh)_

 **Chapter 17:**

Looking down at his cousin's dark, shiny hair, Chin shifted his weight a little bit to find a more comfortable position, briefly letting his gaze travel across the dimly lit room. He tried to move as cautiously as possible, not wanting to wake the sleeping young woman in his lap. Kono's head was resting on his right thigh; the rest of her body was curled into a tiny ball on the slightly cushioned bench next to him. She had finally drifted off into a restless sleep about half an hour ago and Chin had no intention of waking her up earlier than necessary; after the terrible events of the previous evening they all needed as much rest as possible.

Exhaustedly leaning his head against the wall behind him, Chin took a deep breath and looked over at the small group of police officers who were gathered around a lonely desk at the opposite side of the room, chatting quietly with each other. Watching them for a short moment Chin finally averted his eyes and glanced at his watch for the umpteenth time in the last few minutes. Suppressing a disappointed sigh when he read the time, Chin pursed his lips in an uncharacteristic bout of impatience; still a few more hours until the first rays of sunshine would light a new day.

Soothingly running his right hand across Kono's upper arm when the young woman started to mumble in her sleep, Chin wasn't surprised to find his fingers slightly trembling; the last few hours had taken their toll on every one of them and he just couldn't imagine how Steve and Grace must be feeling right now. Knowing that Lou would do everything in his power to help the younger man and the little girl, Chin pushed the thoughts of his friends to the back of his mind for the moment and worriedly took in his cousin's appearance. Danny's death had hit her hard and after silently crying against Chin's shoulder, her face was haggard and pale, the red dots on her cheeks and the dark circles underneath her eyes a sharp contrast against the sickly white skin.

Chin had barely been able to hold back his own tears; it had taken all of his willpower to ignore his own emotions but somehow he had been able to fight back the grief and had started to organize everything they needed once they started the search for Danny's body. A large group of police officers including a K9 squad, the fire department, a few seasoned members of the local Mountaineering and Climbing Association and even the coast guard were at the ready, waiting for the new day to start. A few of those men and women had already met with Chin and Kono and were currently gathered inside or outside the small precinct house only a few miles away from the parking lot where Steve and Grace had waited for help.

Wiggling his toes inside his well-worn hiking boots, Chin wearily closed his eyes in a vain attempt to calm his mind and find a little rest. Except for the short trip home to change his clothes he had barely found the time to sit down since they had received the terrible news about Danny's death. They had spent almost the whole night on their feet, making phone calls to everyone they could think of, organizing as much help as possible. Chin smiled sadly when he thought about the reactions he had received on the phone; Danny had obviously been a lot more popular than the Jersey cop had probably ever imagined. Every single person – be it HPD, coast guard or even the Governor – had been truly shocked, but then they had immediately and genuinely expressed their sympathy, vowing to do everything in their power to provide help.

The sudden screeching of a chair across the floor caused Chin to snap his eyes open and after a quick glance around to make sure everything was alright, he immediately shifted his attention toward his cousin, noticing in relief that the sound hadn't woken her up. Impatiently furrowing his brow he tried to calm his racing heart and raised his head to look for the cause of the disturbance, but his anger immediately vanished and he couldn't hide a soft smile when he saw the German shepherd that enthusiastically licked the hands of the surrounding men. The fact that he hadn't noticed the K9 officer or the dog entering the room was a clear sign of how exhausted he actually was and Chin accepted the silent apology of the young officer with a short nod of his head.

Throwing another look at his watch he sighed deeply and rolled his shoulders before he tried to actively relax his tensed muscles. He felt how his body craved for a little rest and when his eyelids finally started to droop he didn't fight the call of sleep any longer.

Chin knew from experience that the anguish had just begun and the worst of all was still lying in front of them but right now he just didn't want to think about the following days. He didn't dare to imagine the funeral or the days after; he didn't dare to imagine how their lives would be in the future or how their little task force would function without their beloved Jersey loudmouth around.

Shutting out everything around him, Chin breathed deeply in and out and just allowed his mind to shut down for the moment, knowing that they certainly needed all the strength they could get– mentally and physically – once they finally started the search for Danny's body.

* * *

Placing the receiver back onto the station Steve closed his eyes and wearily scrubbed his trembling left hand over his face. His whole body was shaking and his heart was rapidly pounding inside his chest as if he had just run a marathon. Squeezing his eyes shut, he tried to control his erratic breathing and after an agonizingly long time he finally felt strong enough to struggle to his feet.

Waiting a moment until the headache and dizziness had retreated a little bit, he once again grabbed the IV pole to support his weight and slowly walked back to Grace's room without really taking notice of his surroundings. The adrenaline rush of the last few minutes was slowly abating, leaving him shaky and weak and almost unable to think straight.

McGarrett still couldn't grasp what had just happened. After finally having screwed up his courage to type in the phone number of Danny's parents he had just been sitting there and holding his breath, clenching his fingers around the receiver and listening to the ring tone as he had waited for someone to pick up. His heart had literally stopped for a second when he had heard the tell-tale clicking at the other end of the line followed by the slightly hoarse voice of Danny's father but then all the blood had started to rush from his head when he had realized that he was listening to the answering machine instead of talking to a real person. Too stunned to even leave a message, Steve had only speechlessly blinked his eyes, his mouth slightly hanging open, before he had come to his senses and hastily hit the end button.

That cruel game had repeated itself two more times, because neither Rachel nor Amber seemed to be willing to answer their phones. It was almost like a sick joke of the universe, or maybe Steve was just about to get punished for his inability to save his best friend. Instead of talking to Danny's parents, Rachel or Amber he had just heard their voices, somehow making the whole situation even more surreal and difficult to deal with.

Steve knew that Danny's loved ones would immediately recognize the area code once they noticed the incoming calls and he also knew that he had probably left them worried sick by not leaving a message. He was sure that they would suspect something bad had happened to Grace or Danny and the fact that he left them in the dark tore heavily at his already guilty conscience. But he just couldn't bring himself to leave a simple message for them – as much as he dreaded the moment when he had to tell the horrible truth, Steve knew that Danny's family deserved to hear the news from someone who loved Danny as much as they did. They deserved to hear as much detail as they wanted to know and Steve was the only one who was able to provide that kind of information.

"Commander McGarrett, do you need help?"

Turning around in surprise when he heard the female voice behind him, Steve slightly shook his head in embarrassment and licked his dry lips. He hadn't realized that he had already walked back all the way down the corridor or that he was standing right in front of Grace's room, his left hand on the door handle while he was staring blindly at the light-gray painted door.

"Are you alright?" the same nurse who he had talked to earlier asked gently when he didn't answer her first question, cocking her head a little bit to the right as she took in his appearance.

"I'm fine," Steve answered, clearing his throat when he noticed how raspy his voice was sounding. Staring into the nurse's blue eyes he unconsciously straightened his shoulders as he tried to convince her of his well-being but judging by the slight frown on her forehead, the young woman didn't buy his obvious lie.

Silently looking up at the larger man for a long moment, the brunette nurse finally pursed her lips and nodded her head toward the door. "It's almost time for your routine check, so why don't we just move it ahead?"

Without giving Steve the chance to decline, the woman cautiously opened the door and gently pushed him into the room. Guiding him over to the second, empty bed she made him sit down, silencing him with a strong glance out of her bright blue eyes before she quickly checked on Grace.

"I'll let her sleep; the poor Keiki looks like she could use a little rest," the nurse whispered, briefly turning her attention toward Lou who was still calmly sitting vigil at Grace's bedside. "Just call me when she wakes up so I can take her vital parameters later," she ordered quietly, not waiting for Grover's affirmation before she headed back to Steve.

Quickly and professionally checking his pulse, blood pressure and blood sugar the young woman frowned worriedly when she read the parameters. Briefly nibbling at her lower lip she pensively stared at her patient for a long moment before she obviously came to a decision. "I know you're probably not feeling like eating," she said gently, flashing Steve a sympathetic smile when he squinted back at her. "But your blood sugar level is really low. Just do me a favor and eat and drink something, okay? Otherwise I'll have to get another infusion and I guess you'd prefer to have that removed, right?" she asked, cocking her head again as she pointed at the empty IV bag over Steve's head.

"I'm not..." Steve started hesitantly, interrupting himself mid-sentence to clear his throat when he saw that the woman in front of him disappointedly narrowed her eyes. "I can't promise but I'll try," he continued, surprisingly honestly; he was too tired to try to fool her and as much as he wanted to get rid of the IV line that ran into his arm, he just couldn't imagine that he would be able to keep any food down. The thought alone made him slightly nauseous and he convulsively swallowed against the rising bile that burnt in his throat.

"Okay, fair enough," the brunette nurse said after another moment of contemplation, and much to Steve's surprise she immediately started to remove the empty bag and the IV line. But Steve knew he hadn't fully convinced her when she left the cannula in his arm as a precaution and threw him a last warning glance before she headed toward the door. "You really should sleep a little bit. Try to get some rest, okay? And call if you need anything."

Sitting up straight until she had left the room, Steve slouched his shoulders and wearily closed his eyes as soon as the door clunked shut. He briefly massaged his injured shoulder before he scrubbed his hand over his face with an exhausted sigh.

"Thanks for staying with her," he finally murmured in Lou's direction, forcing his burning eyes open to look at his teammate. He briefly exchanged a look with the bigger man before he let his gaze travel to his adopted niece. Trying not to show his exhaustion and the pain he was in, Steve struggled to his feet and walked over to Grace's bed, sitting down onto the edge and once more placing his left hand on her smaller one.

"I guess I shouldn't even ask how you are doing," Lou Grover murmured, frowning worriedly when Steve's only reaction was a slight shake of his head. Standing up from his chair he walked over to the night stand and fiddled with the goods on the tray he had brought in earlier. "You heard the nice little lady, right man?" he asked, grimacing in disgust when he noticed that the coffee had long gone cold. "I'll go and bring new coffee," he said, turning around before he continued without giving his boss the chance to interrupt him. "I'll join Chin and Kono as soon as I've made sure you follow the nurse's orders," Grover added, quashing Steve's objection by patting his large hand on the other man's back. He really didn't want to leave Steve and Grace alone but he knew from experience how stubborn his friend could be and so he just tried to convince himself that McGarrett wouldn't do anything stupid in his current condition, especially not if he had to take care of Grace.

With a last glance at his injured friend, Grover silently left the room and walked down the corridor past the nurses' station, flashing the young brunette woman a brief smile before he turned a corner and headed for the coffee vending machine. Glancing at his watch he pondered for a moment but then he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and quickly dialed Chin's number to get an update of the situation. He nodded contentedly when he learned that everything was prepared and that the entire search and rescue team just waited for the sun to come up.

Sighing sympathetically Lou answered Chin's question about Steve's well-being, almost feeling the other man's worry for their boss through the phone. But they both knew that there was absolutely nothing they could do right now, the only thing that might bring Steve a tiny bit of solace would be the news that they had finally found Danny's mortal remains.

Lou ended the call with the promise to join the rescue team at s soon as possible, nervously playing around with the cell phone as he searched his pockets for a few coins and put them into the vending machine. He rolled his aching shoulders and tiredly watched how the dark brown liquid slowly dribbled into the paper cup, cringing slightly when the vending machine made a few screeching noises that sounded like someone had forgotten to tighten a few screws.

He knew that Steve usually took his coffee without sugar but nevertheless Grover made a mental note to ask the nurse for a few additional sugar cubes on his way back to Steve's room, knowing that his friend would need all the energy he could get. Cautiously grabbing the paper cup, Lou briefly shook his head in a mixture of disgust and amusement when he remembered that Danny had once told him of Steve's strange passion for adding butter to his coffee but the slight smile soon left his face when he realized that he would never be able to talk with Danny ever again.

Carefully balancing the cup of coffee he hesitated for a moment before he slowly raised his left hand with the cell phone. Pensively staring at the black screen he briefly closed his eyes before he pressed his lips together and swiped his finger over the display to call his wife, knowing that – despite the late hour – she would probably be lying awake after the terrible news he had delivered her earlier that night. After all the emotions Lou had had to face in the last few hours he just needed to hear her voice, making sure with his very ears that his loved ones were safe and sound.

 **(tbc)**


	18. Chapter 18

Thank you so much for all your nice reviews and for your encouraging words - I really appreciate that!

Here comes the next chapter, one day behind schedule because the site wouldn't let me log in. Sorry for the delay, I hope you enjoy.

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 _Nothing is more wretched than the mind of a man conscious of guilt._ _  
_ _Plautus_

 **Chapter 18:**

"Are you happy now?" Steve asked tiredly, throwing his teammate an impatient look as he slowly raised his left hand and cautiously brought the paper cup to his lips. Trying to prevent his fingers from shaking he took a small sip of the dark brown liquid, unconsciously grimacing in disgust when he tasted the unfamiliar amount of sugar. Forcing his mind to think about anything else but the way his stomach uncomfortably clenched with every sip, Steve swallowed as fast as possible and placed the half-empty cup back onto the night stand.

"Not really," Lou Grover answered, narrowing his eyes as he stared down at his friend. It still felt wrong to leave Steve and Grace alone while he joined Chin and Kono on the search for Danny's body, but now that McGarrett had kept his promise to eat and drink, Lou had no more valid arguments that allowed him to stay at the hospital. "You still look like you're ready to collapse at any moment, but the nurse seemed like she knows how to deal with stubborn patients so I guess you're in good hands here," Grover said, watching intently how Steve bent forward and hesitantly reached for one of the energy bars Lou had brought in earlier.

"I said I'd eat and drink," Steve replied hoarsely, awkwardly ripping open the wrapping by using his good hand and his teeth. He slightly shook his head when Grover stepped forward to offer his help, briefly turning around to make sure that Grace was still sleeping through their hushed conversation. The lines of grief and stress on her young face were still clearly visible but the slow and even up and down of her chest indicated that she was indeed sound asleep and Steve just hoped that she would be able to flee from the cruel reality a little longer. "There's no need for you to stay any longer," he added, taking a deep breath to force back the lingering nausea before he tentatively started to nibble on the energy bar. He felt bad for sending Grover away so vehemently, he knew that his friend only wanted the best for him, but at the moment Steve would have promised everything just to be left alone, especially after those phone calls that had gone so terribly wrong. He almost hadn't found the courage to call Danny's loved ones once and Steve just didn't know if he would have the strength to try it again and again.

"There's nothing you can do here..." his voice trailed off as he reinforced his statement, taking another bite of the energy bar to show his goodwill.

"Alright," Grover finally agreed with a little sigh, knowing deep inside that Steve wanted him to join the search for their fallen friend rather than uselessly sit by his bedside. And to be honest, his body and mind craved for a little action, anything that allowed him to avert his thoughts from the terrible fact that Danny was dead. "Just promise me to take care of yourself, man. Try to get some rest, okay? You can't be there for Grace if you totally wear yourself out."

"I know," Steve said impatiently, his voice suddenly colored with a hint of anger as he raised his head and glared at the bigger man. He had no idea where those new emotions suddenly came from; all he knew was that he was so damn tired of people telling him to rest. But how on earth could he allow himself to rest when Danny's body was still out there somewhere? Steve knew for sure that he would never rest until his friend, his brother had been found and so he quickly took another bite of the energy bite to swallow down the sudden anger. "Just go and find him, okay?" he begged hoarsely, still finding himself unable to speak out Danny's name.

"Alright," Lou repeated gently when he saw all the emotions that flickered across Steve's face. He really hated that expression of grief and hopelessness in the other man's eyes and he just hoped that Steve would finally find a little solace once Danny's body had been recovered. "You're too stubborn for your own good, you know that, right?" he added softly, pondering for a moment before he reached into his pocket. "Call if you need anything," he said, placing his cell phone onto the night stand right next to Grace's pink one before he turned around and briefly placed one of his big, warm hands on Steve's good shoulder.

"We'll find him," Grover promised solemnly as he finally left the room, his vow only answered by a sharp nod of Steve's head.

Squeezing his eyes shut McGarrett barely waited until the door had closed behind his teammate before he blindly threw the half-eaten energy bar back onto the tray. Laboriously breathing through his nose he pressed his trembling fist against his lips, just in time as his stomach started to turn and he began to retch.

Without another glance at his adopted niece Steve jumped up as soon as his injuries allowed and limped toward the bathroom, for the first time since he had been admitted dearly missing the IV pole to support his weight. Swallowing convulsively he fought back the black dots that were dancing in front of his eyes, grabbing the white sink with his left hand not a moment too soon. Cold sweat was running down his face and his back and the blood was rushing loudly in his ears but despite his own poor condition he tried to be as quiet as possible, waking up Grace the last thing he wanted to do.

The bout of nausea was over as fast as it had come and after relieving his stomach of its meager contents Steve disgustedly rinsed his mouth and splashed hand after hand of ice-cold water into his face until he was not only shivering from pain and exhaustion but also from the sudden chill that rolled down his back.

His eyes still closed McGarrett breathed deeply in and out, trying with all his might to pull himself together. He had no idea how much time had passed until he finally felt strong enough to open his eyes and look at himself in the mirror, immediately hating what he was seeing. Water was still dripping from his face and running into the collar of his white T-shirt and into his sling, the fingers of his immobilized right arm unconsciously twitching when they felt the unwelcome wetness. His dark hair was standing up in unruly spikes, forming a sharp contrast to the sickly white color of his skin, but what really bothered Steve was the expression in his own eyes, so much loss and grief that he just couldn't stand to look at himself a second longer.

Dropping his gaze with a pained groan, Steve grimaced in disgust as he faintly shook his head. He hated himself for being so weak, so vulnerable. He had absolutely no idea what was wrong with him; he should be much stronger, he had been trained to endure more pain than anyone could ever imagine, he shouldn't allow himself to react in such a bad way to the recent events. He had seen so much evil, and yet he had managed to deal with all the shit in his life without breaking down; but Danny's death seemed to be the final straw and he just didn't know how to go on anymore.

A sudden bout of anger rushed through his system and Steve gritted his teeth as he inwardly cursed all the injustice and loss he had to endure in his life. Without really thinking about his actions he clenched his left fist and hit it against his thigh, enjoying the pain that radiated through his leg. He hit himself again, harder this time, until he was sure the punch would leave a nice bruise, a punishment and another visible reminder that he had been unable to save his best friend.

His leg already hurt like hell and after a third hit he finally came to his senses when the muscles in his thigh started to tremble, realizing that it wouldn't be wise to cripple his good leg too. Snorting in a strange mixture of shame and anger Steve raised his head and stared at his reflection for a long moment before he once more averted his eyes in disgust and hit his fist against the white wall next to the mirror, over and over again until the skin above his knuckles finally cracked and smears of red blood colored the smooth white tiles.

* * *

The sky was still pitch dark when Lou left the hospital and he almost started to shiver in the cool breeze, wearing only a T-shirt and shorts. When he had chosen the clothes the day before he had planned for a little barbecue in Steve's backyard, with a nice steak and a cool beer, and nothing had indicated that the evening would turn into such a horrible disaster.

Briefly looking back over his shoulder, Grover worriedly furrowed his brow, still not sure if it was wise to leave his boss alone but after heaving a soft little sigh he simply shrugged his shoulders and climbed into the waiting cab, curtly telling the driver his home address. The young man behind the wheel luckily seemed to understand that his passenger wasn't in the mood for talking and so Lou was silently staring out the window and into the Hawaiian night during the short drive to his house, while brooding about the recent events. Thanking the young driver with a short nod of his head, Grover handed him a few bills before he tiredly exited the car and headed toward the front door, smiling faintly when he noticed the soft light from one of the windows, telling him that his wife was probably awaiting him with a snack and a large cup of steaming coffee.

Scuffing into the kitchen, Lou ignored his empty stomach and the set table; he walked directly over to where Renee was leaning against the counter, cautiously taking the cup of coffee from her hands and placing it on the countertop behind her before he wordlessly pulled her into a tight embrace.

"I'm so sorry," she mumbled against his chest, her whispered expression of sympathy the only words that were spoken. Lou and Renee were married long enough for her to know what he needed right now and so she just stood there, silently offering as much support as possible until Lou finally let go of his wife with a heavy sigh.

Despite the lack of appetite – and now he could suddenly understand Steve's behavior a lot better – Lou satisfied his grumbling stomach and hastily gulped down the prepared sandwich without really tasting anything. Washing down the last bit with a large sip of lukewarm coffee, he flashed his wife a sad little smile and went upstairs to change his clothes.

After having laced his hiking boots he hesitated for a moment but then he tiptoed first to his daughter's then to his son's room and peeked inside, making sure that both of his children were sleeping safe and sound in their beds. Grover felt a tiny bit better after having seen his family but the feeling of heavy sadness immediately returned once Renee awaited him at the foot of the stairs, handed him the car keys and silently hugged him again before he left his home to join his teammates on the search for Danny's body.

* * *

After four or five more punches Steve snapped back to reality when one of the white tiles suddenly cracked under his blows. The crunching sound caused him to interrupt his actions and for a long moment he just stood there with his left arm raised in front of his body, swaying slightly on his feet while he blankly stared at the red streaks on the wall.

Blinking sluggishly he let his arm drop to his side, unconsciously clenching and unclenching his fist a few times when he finally became aware of the throbbing pain. The fury from before was still there and the Ex-SEAL needed all his willpower to swallow down the unwanted feeling. He was now angry at himself for letting his emotions get the better of him; how on earth could he have allowed himself to lose control like this when Grace needed him. How on earth could he leave her alone when she had just lost her father?

Steve took a deep breath and looked up with newfound energy, avoiding looking at his reflection in the mirror when he turned on the water and washed the blood from his injured hand. The water stung when it came in contact with the wounds and he was barely able to contain a hiss of pain. Furrowing his brow he closely examined his hand, grimacing in undeserved relief when he noticed that the damage actually wasn't that bad; the skin above his knuckles was torn but it had already stopped bleeding and after clenching his fist a few more times to test its mobility, Steve was pretty sure that nothing was broken.

Hastily grabbing a towel McGarrett sloppily wiped the smears of blood from the tiles, making a mental note to apologize to the nurses later for the mess he had made but right now Grace was his topmost priority. He had the sudden feeling that his adopted niece needed him and sure enough, when he limped out of the bathroom, he found Grace sitting on the bed, silently staring at something in her lap.

"Gracie, hey," Steve greeted her hoarsely, keeping his voice as gentle as possible to not startle her as he slowly approached the bed and sat down by her side. "How are you doing, do you need anything?" he asked softly, gritting his teeth in sympathy when he finally realized that she once again looked at the display of her cell phone. She must have found the little pink device on the night stand and Steve briefly scolded himself for leaving it there; they all needed much more time before they were able to look at a photo of Danny without having the feeling of staring into a dark, bottomless abyss of grief.

Steve just opened his mouth to comfort Grace when the girl finally raised her head and exchanged a brief look with him, her usually so gentle brown eyes glistening with anger and resentment.

"Grace, what's wrong?" Steve stammered, completely taken aback by the unexpected emotions. "I'm so sorry I wasn't here when you woke up," he whispered, raising his left hand and trying to stroke her hair but he immediately stopped his attempt when she shrank back and vigorously shook her head.

"Gracie?" he asked numbly, helplessly clenching his fist in mid-air before he slowly drew back his hand. Her name barely made it past his lips as he fought against the sudden lump in his throat, more and more worried with every second she kept silent. Never before Steve had seen so much hate and anger on her young face and he desperately tried to find the right words to calm her down. "Gracie..." he hoarsely repeated her name, feeling so bad that he had left her alone. Steve wished nothing more than to pull her into a hug but her whole posture screamed rejection at him, telling him that she absolutely didn't want to be touched right now.

The breath caught in his throat when he watched her reaching into her lap, sharply waving her arm through the air before she clutched her pink cell phone against her chest. This simple, sweeping gesture and her whole posture reminded Steve so much of Danny that his heart constricted painfully in his chest but what truly make his world crumble around him was Grace's next statement, the words he had never imagined to ever come from her lips.

"It's his fault," the dark-haired girl suddenly said icily, flashing her uncle an angry look as she stretched out the hand that held her phone. Her whole body was trembling slightly so that Steve only got a blurry vision of the picture she was showing him, but he had seen the wallpaper on her cell phone so many times before that he knew exactly what it looked like. It was a snapshot Steve himself had taken a few months ago in his backyard and the picture always made him smile because it had captured one of the rare occasions that Danny looked truly happy and relaxed. Both Williams' were beaming with joy, smiling brightly into to camera while they sat side by side, Danny's right arm protectively wrapped around his daughter's shoulders. Unconsciously breathing out a soft sigh Steve was so caught in his memories of that beautiful, sunny day that he barely heard Grace's next words over the rushing of blood in his ears.

"Why did he leave me?" Grace asked, her voice shaking violently with all the pent-up emotions." It's all Danno's fault, I hate him."

 **(tbc)**


	19. Chapter 19

Sorry for the delay but real life is really, really difficult right now and I barely find the time to write – thanks a lot for all your wonderful reviews, I really appreciate them!

* * *

 _Grief is in two parts. The first is loss. The second is the remaking of life._ _  
_ _Anne Roiphe_

 **Chapter 19:**

Arriving at the small police station outside of Honolulu, Lou Grover laboriously exited his truck and threw a judging glance at the still pitch-dark sky. Narrowing his eyes as he tried to decide if the black maybe wasn't as black as before, he impatiently shook his head and closed the driver's door with a weary little sigh. He hadn't slept at all that night and he honestly didn't know how long he could go on; he only knew that he would have to dig deeply into his reserves in order to come through the next hours and days. But the brief stay at home, the coffee and sandwich, but most of all his wife's hug and support had helped a little bit to boost his energy and with the thoughts of his family in his mind he straightened his shoulders and walked toward the old, wooden building.

As soon as Lou stepped into the circle of dim light a weak lamp was casting in the darkness, he was assaulted with a cloud of moths and little bugs that were drunkenly dancing in the lights and he impatiently waved his hand in front of his face to chase them away.

"Do you need help, Captain?"

Hoarse chuckle and a slightly amused voice greeted him from just outside the circle of light, so that Grover had to narrow his eyes to see who had been talking, but when he took a few steps toward the voice he suddenly found himself surrounded by a handful of men of his former SWAT team and he just couldn't help but hesitantly start to smile.

"Kaiko, good to see you," Lou said in a mixture of joy and surprise, eagerly grasping the offered hand of the man who had spoken before and returning the hand-shake as he let his gaze travel around. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"We heard what had happened." One of the other guys stepped forward, taking a puff of his cigarette before he waved his hand through the air and pointed at his teammates. "So we came here to help," he added succinctly with a slight shrug of his shoulders while the other men simultaneously nodded their heads.

"Yeah, we kinda liked the little Haole, you know?" Kaiko said, offering his former boss a brief, sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry for your loss," he continued quietly, his words of condolence accompanied by affirmative murmurs of his comrades.

"Thank you," Lou replied hoarsely, visibly touched by the support of the men he had once led into quite a few missions.

They all stood in comfortable silence for a long moment until Grover finally heaved a deep sigh and nodded toward the building. "I should go inside," he said, his deep voice trailing off as he slapped his hand on Kaiko's shoulder and shook the hands of the other men to once again thank them for spending their spare time searching for the body of a fellow police officer they had barely known.

"We'll see you later, Captain," Kaiko dismissed him with a sharp flick of his hand, indicating that their help wasn't such a big deal.

"Thank you," Grover repeated once more before he turned around and headed toward the front door. "I really appreciate your support." He could feel the eyes of his former teammates resting on him until he stepped into the building and he just hoped they knew how touched he was and how much their presence meant to him.

The air inside the small police station was hot and stuffy and Lou immediately felt beads of sweat appearing on his forehead. Looking around he raised his eyebrows in surprise when he noticed the amount of people; police officers – including two dog handlers with their animals – crowded the small room, next to firemen, members of the coast guard and a bunch of people in civilian clothes he couldn't place at the moment, and Grover suddenly knew why his former teammates preferred to wait outside.

Thanks to his body size he had no problem to scan the mass of people and as soon as he had localized Chin and Kono he made a beeline for a desk at the other end of the room where the cousins were bending over a few documents, quietly talking to two suntanned, young men who looked like the typical Hawaiian surfer dudes.

"Hey," Grover greeted them quietly, not wanting to disturb their conversation, but as soon as he had stopped next to his friends, Kono interrupted herself mid-sentence and turned around to look at him.

"How's the boss doing?" she asked hoarsely, her usually so sparkling brown eyes dull with grief and fatigue. "And how's Gracie?"

"Grace is sleeping most of the time, which is probably a good thing," Lou answered tentatively, his eyes briefly flickering to the two young men at the other side of the table who were still chatting with each other and apparently not listening to what the members of Five-0 were talking about and yet Grover hesitated to discuss McGarrett's medical problems in front of two strangers. "And Steve..." he added with a slight shake of his head, taking a deep breath to gather his thoughts before he continued haltingly. "Well, you know Steve. He's giving the doctors a hard time but I guess he will be fine," Lou explained, knowing instantly that he couldn't fool his teammates when Chin knowingly raised his eyebrows at the other man's choice of words and Kono pressed her lips together in a thin line; they all had worked with Steve long enough to know that their boss was readily downplaying things, trying to make everyone believe that he was 'fine'. Exchanging a brief look, they silently nodded their heads almost simultaneously; they would have to find some time later to talk privately, for now it had to be enough to know that at least Steve's and Grace's physical injuries weren't too bad.

"Lou, I want you to meet Mike and Chris Muller," Chin said after a moment of heavy silence, gesturing at the brothers to come nearer. "They are two of the world's best free climbers," he explained while Grover shook their hands and introduced himself.

"Well, that certainly explains the strong handshake," Lou replied drily, resisting the urge to rub his aching fingers while he curiously watched the young men. They really looked like surfers with their suntanned skin and unruly blond locks and at second glance it was more than clear that they were indeed brothers if not even twins.

"They are currently here on vacation, visiting a distant aunt who works for the HPD. She heard what had happened and now Mike and Chris are here, offering their help," Chin continued, answering Grover's question before the other man was even able to voice it. "And given the difficult territory we're about to search, their experience as fee climbers might be useful."

"Sorry for ruining your vacation," Lou said, knowing that the search for a dead body was certainly not top of anybody's wish list, especially not while on holiday in paradise.

"Don't worry," the slightly taller one of the brothers – Chris, if Lou remembered correctly – said with a crooked smile and a brief glance at his sibling. "All the surfing had already begun to get boring, right?"

"Wow, dude," Kono chimed in with a whiff of her usual cockiness but the smile on her face didn't reach her eyes and it completely disappeared from her lips before she had even finished her statement. "If you think surfing's boring you obviously didn't go to the right places."

"Be careful, brah," Chin laughed quietly, apparently trying to lighten the mood a little bit before they all had to go back to business. "She knows what she's talking about, Kono was a pro once. Don't mess with her."

"Cool," Mike muttered under his breath, looking at the dark-haired woman with newfound respect but before he could say anything else Kono bent back over the desk and unfolded a large map, resuming the discussion Lou had interrupted earlier.

"Alright, we know that Danny fell exactly here," she said as she pointed at the map, the slight trembling of her voice and fingers only noticeable for someone who knew the young woman very well. "The mountains are very steep there, forming an almost perfect ninety degree angle," Kono explained, throwing a glance at the Muller brothers to make sure they were listening. "We'll start the search here..." Her voice trailed off as she swallowed down the rest of the sentence; she just couldn't bring herself to speak out aloud that they expected to find Danny's body at the foot of the mountains, smashed and broken, and that they most probably didn't need the expertise of two free climbers to search the wall of rock for their fallen teammate.

"We never knew that Hawaii had such great mountains, that sounds amazing," Mike Muller exclaimed, his eyes briefly sparkling with excitement before he realized what he had said and snapped his mouth shut with an audible click. "Sorry, that was completely inappropriate, I didn't mean... I'm truly sorry," he stammered, taking a small step back as if to hide behind his brother when he noticed that Grover angrily narrowed his eyes and glared at him. "We help where we can and I hope we will find your friend," the blond added solemnly, visibly regretting his thoughtless words.

"Alright," Chin calmly took over before the situation got out of hand and gently nodded at his cousin, wordlessly telling Kono to step away so that he had better access to the desk. Studying the map for a moment he finally let his finger slowly travel across the paper and started to explain the route they would have to take. "We have two options. There's an old path starting here, not even half a mile from the parking place where we met Steve and Grace yesterday. The only problem is that the path was closed in 2005 after a severe landslide."

"I remember that," Kono interrupted him, slowly nodding her head as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "I think a father and his teenage son had been killed back then, right?" she asked, sucking in a breath of air and choking back a surge of grief when she noticed the cruel similarities between that accident and Danny's and Grace's fate.

"Right," Chin replied immediately to not give his cousin the time to dwell in her emotions. He placed his hand on her shoulder and soothingly moved his thumb forth and back as he continued to talk. "I've hiked there many times with my uncle when I was a kid and if I remember correctly it was a very easy hike, maybe a twenty, thirty minute walk up to the place where we think we'll find Danny. But the path is completely closed to the public ever since that accident ten years ago and as far as I know it hasn't been maintained for a long time so I guess we can expect thick vegetation and a rough terrain which definitely will slow us down."

"You said something about two options?" Lou wanted to know, bending forward to have a better look at the map. "Where's that other path?"

"It's here," Chin said, showing his teammates and the Muller brothers a dotted green line on the map, indicating that that path was still a designated hiking trail. "It's probably a lot easier to come that way but it's also much longer and even if we use horses or bicycles we're still talking about at least two and a half hours."

"That's too long," Kono said firmly with a sharp shake of her head, obviously repeating a statement she had voiced before. She turned her head to throw an impatient glance out of the nearby window at the still dark sky before she defensively crossed her arms in front of her body. "We already lost too much time..." she added, the last words of her sentence barely more than a pained whisper. The thought of Danny's body, lying in the blazing sun without protection, was too much for the young woman and she angrily scrubbed her hands across her face when she felt tears starting to prickle in her eyes.

"So it's settled, we're taking the short way," Grover decided, briefly exchanging a look with Chin before he turned around and pulled his youngest teammate into a hug, simply ignoring Kono's slightly embarrassed attempts to break free.

"We'll find him," Grover repeated the very same words he had said to Steve earlier, whispering them into Kono's hair when she finally accepted the comforting gesture and relaxed against his chest. Lou Grover was a man of his word and he had every intention to keep this promise, but when he threw another look at the map and remembered Chin's explanations he had the strong feeling that it wouldn't be that easy.

* * *

"It's all Danno's fault, I hate him."

The words hung heavily in the air, sending shiver after shiver down Steve's spine as he sat on the bed next to Grace, speechlessly staring at the young girl.

Blinking slowly, Steve opened and closed his mouth a few times, swallowing convulsively against the huge lump that formed in his throat. He suddenly found it difficult to draw in enough air to articulate his next words and his voice trembled with a myriad of emotions when he finally shook his head and tried to speak.

"God, Grace, no," he croaked out, shocked beyond words by her venomous statement and by the anger that still sparkled in her huge brown eyes.

The little girl was shaking with pent-up tension, defiantly pressing her lips together while she clutched her pink cell phone so tightly that her knuckles turned white. Her eyes were shimmering with unshed tears but she never averted her gaze from her adopted uncle, and the intensity of her look, the unfiltered emotions Steve saw in her eyes, almost caused him to shrink back. He didn't know if he had the power to tear down the wall of anger and hate Grace had built around herself, he didn't know if he was strong enough to deal with her emotions when he was still unable to face his own feelings.

"I hate him," Grace hissed once more, her eyes almost completely black against the pallor of her skin and Steve suddenly knew that he had to act fast before it was too late.

He had to do something, anything to help Danny's daughter to come to terms with the terrible things that had happened. He had no idea what exactly he was going to tell her, all that he knew was that he had only one attempt to find the right words, one attempt to break the cycle of fear and guilt before the girl would drown in her emotions.

Taking a deep, shuddering breath, Steve briefly closed his eyes and scrubbed his left hand over his face as he tried to sort his mind. He gasped in surprise when his thoughts involuntarily flashed back to his own Dad and at first he tried to chase away the unbidden images until he quickly realized that it somehow made sense and as much as it hurt he hesitantly allowed all the feelings and memories to resurface.

Just like Grace, Steve had also had to witness his father's death and if he still felt the way he did after all those years, how much worse did it have to be for the little girl? Grace had to watch with her own eyes how her beloved Danno fell to his death directly next to her, how he willingly gave his life to save his daughter, and suddenly Steve could understand her feelings a lot better.

White-hot anger bubbled up inside him, the feeling so strong that Steve unconsciously clenched his fist so hard that his fingers cracked audibly. He was angry at himself and at everyone, angry at his Dad for sending him away, angry at his mother for lying to him and betraying him so many times. He was angry at Rachel for not being here when Grace needed her most, and he was also angry at Danny. He was so angry at his best friend for leaving him, for leaving his little daughter, for just letting go, for giving up without a fight.

But then, as soon as it had come, the anger vanished into thin air, replaced by a huge cloud of shame, horror and sadness that filled Steve's mind and left him shaky and breathless. Unconsciously groaning under the onslaught of memories he relived once more the moment when Danny had made his fatal decision, remembering the look of immortal love and devotion in Danny's eyes and he finally accepted that his friend had done the only thing he could and that had saved not only Grace's life but probably Steve's too. McGarrett knew that he would have never willingly let go himself, that he would have held on until the bitter end and deep inside he was aware that this stubbornness would have probably claimed the lives of all three of them. Only Danny's selfless actions had saved not only Grace but also Steve and he had absolutely no right to be mad at his best friend for giving his life; he had to honor Danny's decision, and he had to do the only thing that had ever mattered to Danny, he had to take care of Grace, he had to fulfill Danny's last wish and save Grace in every possible way.

Breathing out a soft moan Steve finally realized that Grace was still staring at him out of big, dark eyes, filled with so much hatred that his heart broke for the little girl. He couldn't allow Grace to be angry at her father; he needed to make sure that she knew how much Danny had loved her.

It felt like a lifetime ago that he had tried to move his hurting body but he knew that only a few seconds could have passed since Grace had voiced her disturbing words; the rollercoaster of emotions Steve had experienced in that short amount of time had made his headache worse than before and he actually had to blink a few times to clear the veil of dizziness in front of his eyes.

"I hate..." Grace started once more, her lips quivering heavily as she defiantly glared at her uncle, but then she winced in surprise when Steve interrupted her harshly.

"No," McGarrett said hoarsely, leaning a little bit forward as he locked eyes with the young girl. Still at a loss for words he waited a brief moment until he was sure that she wasn't going to utter her statement again before he did the only thing he could think of at the moment.

"No," he repeated as he peeled the pink cell phone from Grace's trembling fingers and placed it on the white bed sheet next to him. Despite her resistance Steve grabbed the little girl and tightly pulled her into a one-armed hug, resting his chin on top of her messy dark hair. "No, you don't," he said softly, pressing her against his chest as she started to thrash around, ignoring the sharp wave of pain that flared through his injured shoulder when Grace's movements jolted his right arm.

Steve didn't know if his adopted niece finally came to her senses or if she was just too exhausted to keep up her fight any longer but her resistance didn't even last a minute. From one moment to the next all her movements ceased and Grace slackened in Steve's grip; for a few heartbeats it was eerily quiet in the dimly lit room but then a heart-wrenching sob disturbed the silence and Steve felt how the little girl desperately reached for his T-shirt and curled her fingers into the white fabric as she started to weep so bitterly that her slender frame trembled in his embrace.

Tears of grief and sympathy were rolling down his own cheeks as Steve just held her tightly, murmuring soothingly into Grace's hair and telling her over and over again that what had happened was nobody's fault, that it was just a terrible accident. Holding Grace in his arms and gently rocking her back and forth, Steve gave her as much comfort as possible, trying to convince the girl that her Danno had loved her more than anything else; and finally, after what seemed to be an eternity, his words had an effect and Grace slowly stopped crying.

"I'm sorry," the dark-haired girl whispered into Steve's t-shirt, her words so quiet that Steve wasn't sure if she had really said anything, but when he cautiously looked down at her she wiggled a little bit in his grip and turned her head so that he was able to see her face. Her big brown eyes were still filled with tears but Steve could finally see no more hate, only a deep fatigue and sadness, and he involuntarily sighed in relief. He knew Danny would have been devastated if he had heard Grace's statement and he just hoped that she would never utter such words again.

Grace silently held her uncle's gaze for a long moment before she also heaved a deep, weary sigh and allowed her eyelids to droop. "I'm sorry," she repeated timidly before she rested her head against Steve's chest and only a heartbeat later she was once more fast asleep in his arms.

"Me too," Steve murmured as he smiled sadly and gently kissed her hair, never noticing that the first rays of sunlight finally started to dispel the darkness of the night.

 **(tbc)**


End file.
